Not Every “I Regret It” Matters
Mu Ronghua showed not the slightest fear. He coldly confronted Ming Jiasheng about what happened back then. Ming Jiasheng, however, flew into a rage because Mu Ronghua instinctively shielded Lin Que behind him. After admitting outright that the gu had been planted by him, his face twisted as he turned it around and demanded to know whether Mu Ronghua had been secretly meeting Lin Que like this all these years!
Mu Ronghua never expected that Ming Jiasheng had truly done something like that back then, tearing him and Lin Que apart. After the shock and fury passed, he had nothing left to say to him.
Archers surrounded the hall outside. Mu Ronghua knew Ming Jiasheng would never let Lin Que go, so he sneered and said a single sentence to him.
“Go on, kill him. Because of you, I missed him for all these years. Perfect. In the end, I’ll die for love with him and we’ll go down to the Yellow Springs together.”
Ming Jiasheng was provoked to the point of near madness, but he also knew Mu Ronghua’s temperament, that he meant what he said. He forced himself to swallow the rage, threw away the sword, and in the end did not order Lin Que’s execution. He imprisoned him in Tianlao instead.
That night, Ming Jiasheng stayed in Mu Ronghua’s palace. It was only at the fourth watch that he finally strode out with a dark face.
Yet only a few days later, the mole on Mu Ronghua’s palm actually darkened in color! Mu Ronghua, who had been told he would likely never conceive again, suddenly had a child. It was truly ironic. After Ming Jiasheng learned of it, he only had people send over some things. He did not come again for a long time. Most likely, with so many heirs, he no longer cared whether there was one more or two more.
Taking advantage of Ming Jiasheng being busy receiving foreign envoys, Mu Ronghua quietly joined forces with Lin Zhao’s people and, in secret, used a scheme to rescue Lin Que, who was badly injured from torture, out of the palace.
Lin Que clutched Mu Ronghua’s hand tightly and begged him to leave together. Mu Ronghua felt unbearably sorry toward him, yet if he left together, then Lin Que would undoubtedly die. Mu Ronghua did not want to owe him even more.
On top of that, there were still all kinds of future troubles unresolved. He could not protect himself alone, much less anyone else.
Mu Ronghua did not dare delay. He sealed Lin Que’s acupoints and handed him to Lin Zhao, telling him to take him away immediately. As a result, in a narrow alleyway, Mu Ronghua’s path was blocked by a squad of pursuing soldiers.
Their commander was a relative from the family of Consort Mu, the one who currently enjoyed the greatest imperial favor. He was wildly arrogant. He claimed he was acting under the Emperor’s order to execute Mu Ronghua, this “palace fugitive.” He had his men shoot down Mu Ronghua’s guards, and he truly tried to kill Mu Ronghua without mercy.
Regardless of whether the order really came from Ming Jiasheng, Mu Ronghua’s heart had already turned to ashes. People of the Mu family could strut on borrowed power and act this rampantly only because Ming Jiasheng’s favor and indulgence had fed that arrogance.
He, the Empress of an entire nation, had been reduced to the point where even a minor soldier could stomp him to death, simply because everyone knew the Emperor no longer regarded the Empress as anything and they all looked down on him together.
Mu Ronghua felt absurdly pathetic and ridiculous.
As the eldest grandson of the Wangyue Manor Lord, how could Mu Ronghua’s martial skill be poor? Even so, no matter how he fought until his eyes were red, one against fifty, he still ended up on the losing side. Two arrows struck him, and his body suffered grievous injury. The twisting pain in his abdomen filled him with deep unease.
Just as he fought to the point of utter exhaustion and believed he was about to die miserably together with the child in his belly, Ming Jiasheng actually arrived in person, rushing in on horseback. He roared for everyone to stop.
Ming Jiasheng caught Mu Ronghua as he collapsed. Mu Ronghua did not even look at him before he passed out. Blood streamed from his wounds, and the fabric between his legs had bloomed red as well.
The child, naturally, was gone.
When Mu Ronghua awoke and learned the news, after the brief ache and sorrow, he felt relief instead. Gone… gone was good. Better than giving birth only for the child to suffer. This was probably heaven’s will.
Ming Jiasheng, who had been in agonizing pain, saw that Mu Ronghua’s reaction to losing the child he had unexpectedly conceived was so calm. Anger flared in his heart and he immediately attacked him, hysterically demanding whether Mu Ronghua had never wanted the child in the first place, whether Mu Ronghua would have escaped with Lin Que today if no one had chased after him!
Ming Jiasheng’s temper grew more and more unpredictable, impossible to read. It was probably after the late Emperor’s death. In the past, there had at least been the late Emperor to restrain and discipline him. Ming Jiasheng feared and respected his father above all else, so he could barely keep his nature in check, maintaining the veneer of a gentle gentleman.
After ascending the throne, gazing down upon the world, unrivaled and supreme, those real traits he had hidden and disguised gradually surfaced.
In the first two years, he could still respectfully listen to the Grand Empress Dowager’s teachings. Now, even the Empress Dowager was gravely ill. She slept more than she was awake, truly unable to control him anymore.
Mu Ronghua had fallen into utter despair toward Ming Jiasheng. He did not want to say even a single word to him. Faced with his interrogation, he ignored the pain of his wounds, covered his ears, adjusted his posture, turned his back, and went to sleep.
Ming Jiasheng refused to let it go. He insisted Mu Ronghua explain himself. Mu Ronghua finally turned back and said coldly to him, “I didn’t want the child? I wanted to run? Could I even run? Wangyue Manor and Xueyao are both in your hands. I was stopped on my way back to the palace. Wasn’t it your people who said they were here to execute me, a ‘palace fugitive’? You’re asking me?”
Ming Jiasheng fell silent after hearing that. He stared at Mu Ronghua with a terrifying look for a moment, then suddenly turned and left without a word.
It was two days later that Mu Ronghua learned what happened next. Of the remaining twenty-one soldiers, nineteen were beaten to death, and the two with the surname Mu were even sentenced to death by dismemberment. It was said Ming Jiasheng also forced Consort Mu to watch at the scene. Consort Mu returned that very day and collapsed ill, unconscious.
Sometimes Mu Ronghua tried to recall the Ming Jiasheng from their first meeting, or even the Ming Jiasheng from the first few years after marriage, but he realized he could barely form an impression anymore. This person was becoming more and more unfathomable in anger and joy.
While Mu Ronghua was bedridden recovering, Ming Jiasheng came to see him a few more times. Just like every visit over the years, he sat to the side, propped his cheek, and quietly studied Mu Ronghua’s face, speaking little.
Only in moments of such peace could Mu Ronghua faintly find a shadow of the old Ming Jiasheng.
Mu Ronghua did his best to keep his tone calm and discussed it with Ming Jiasheng. He said he would yield the Empress position to Consort Mu, and he would take Xueyao out of the palace to live under a hidden name. Ming Jiasheng, who had been normal a moment ago, looked as if someone had touched his reverse scale. His expression changed in an instant. He erupted, smashing everything on the table.
When he left, he said a line to Mu Ronghua: “That woman harmed you because she wanted the Empress seat. I’ve already dealt with her. As for you, Mu Ronghua, even if you die, you’ll die in this position for me. Don’t even think about going anywhere!”
Mu Ronghua had a vague sense of certain stubborn knots in Ming Jiasheng’s heart. He never expected him to agree. He only wanted to irritate him a little so Ming Jiasheng would come here less.
Consort Mu quickly became a thing of the past. The palace soon had new beauties receiving favor. Mu Ronghua stayed in his own hall, deaf to everything outside. After he recovered, he often went to accompany the Grand Empress Dowager. Even when he slept, Mu Ronghua could sit by his bedside for an entire day.
Several months later, the Grand Empress Dowager’s body could no longer endure it. She passed away.
The Grand Empress Dowager had always felt he had harmed Mu Ronghua. Before his death, she held Mu Ronghua’s hand and wept. Mu Ronghua did not blame her at all.
To Mu Ronghua, within these inner palace walls, the Grand Empress Dowager and Xueyao were all the warmth he had.
Yet what Mu Ronghua never expected was that right after he saw the Grand Empress Dowager off, while grief still clogged his chest and would not disperse, Xueyao, due to a sudden heart illness, left him as well.
In a short span of time, it was as if every last shred of his soul and breath had been taken away. What remained was only a shell.
After the funeral was handled, Mu Ronghua did not even inform Ming Jiasheng. He moved directly from Yongning Palace to the extremely remote Chunhe Palace. Every day he lived in plain clothes and plain food, like dead water without a ripple, passing each day with no waves at all.
Mu Ronghua moved so far away because he did not want to see Ming Jiasheng again. Yet after he moved farther, Ming Jiasheng came more often. When Mu Ronghua occasionally went out to bask in the sun, he only had to turn his head to find Ming Jiasheng standing by the side of the hall gate, looking in. Sometimes he wore court robes, sometimes casual clothes. Sometimes he would come in and sit, sometimes he would stand for a while and leave.
Mu Ronghua rarely acknowledged him.
One night, Mu Ronghua was about to rest when Ming Jiasheng arrived reeking of alcohol. He hugged Mu Ronghua and tried to get intimate. Mu Ronghua immediately slapped him hard.
Ming Jiasheng seemed to sober a little. He froze for a moment, but he did not flare up. Instead, he looked at Mu Ronghua and began to weep blankly, asking him a question.
He asked, “Mu Ronghua, did you ever love me? Did you? Even a little bit?”
Mu Ronghua answered decisively. He said, “No.”
Mu Ronghua then sneered and said, “Go love your new favorites as you please. I’ll sit here quietly recalling my old love. There’s no need for love between you and me, and there is no love.”
Ming Jiasheng, already past thirty and always filled with brutal malice outside, heard those words and actually looked pained. He cried loudly, his voice turning hoarse from crying. “I know. I knew it… You never once softened to me, never once lowered your head, not even one time, because you’ve always hated me, blamed me for threatening you with your family back then.
In your heart, I’m a sinner forever. On the surface, your attitude toward me softened, but no matter how hard I try, no matter how well I treat you, you’ll never have feelings for me. You’ve always been thinking of that Lin Que of yours, the one you keep in your heart is all him! You don’t love me. You won’t even talk to me properly. The moment we argue, you stab me with cold words. You’ve never taken me to heart…
Good thing I noticed early. Good thing I was wise enough to make myself learn to pull away little by little. My heart, even if I throw it on someone else at random, even if I feed it to the dogs, I won’t hand it to you again just to have you toss it away like worn-out shoes! Absolutely not!!”
After he cried and shouted that last line like a child who had suffered a monstrous grievance, Ming Jiasheng’s body tilted and he collapsed drunk into Mu Ronghua’s arms.
“…Look at him. See how proud he is, how good he is at weighing gains and losses. He can even calculate feelings this clearly.” Rong Hua’s eyes were wet as he mocked himself. “With him, I truly lost in complete ruin.”
Ming Jiasheng, frozen to the side, had sweat beading on his forehead. His whole body trembled. His lips struggled to move. Suddenly blood began to spill from the corner of his mouth, dripping down his chin and pattering onto the floor.
Rong Ci noticed the movement and glanced at him but did not move to release his sealed acupoints.
Rong Hua drained the final mouthful of wine from the flask. He lightly exhaled the scent of alcohol. His long lashes were damp with tears. A flush stained his originally pale cheeks. After a long pause, he continued to speak of the last segment of their past.
Those last few years were, relatively speaking, calm for Mu Ronghua. He lived alone in Chunhe Palace. It was far and remote, no different from a cold palace, yet in food, clothing, and daily provisions, he was never slighted. Every day he drank tea, basked in the sun, watered and tended flowers and plants, planning to finish the rest of his life with his heart as still as water.
Ming Jiasheng also gradually stopped roaming the harem as much. He went to Mu Ronghua more and more frequently, as if carrying a hint of trying to make amends.
Perhaps as he grew older, he began to crave a place that felt peaceful and safe. Mu Ronghua, the lawful spouse who had accompanied him the longest, was undeniably the best choice.
They had tangled for most of their lives. Mu Ronghua could not be bothered to waste words with him. He let him hover like this, neither warm nor cold, but he held one point with absolute firmness. Mu Ronghua would not allow Ming Jiasheng to stay the night.
Sometimes Ming Jiasheng came too late and tried to cling shamelessly, his shoes and socks half removed, half his body already on the bed. Even so, Mu Ronghua would still drive him out.
If he would not leave? Fine. Mu Ronghua would leave.
Mu Ronghua’s entire body and heart radiated rejection. Ming Jiasheng grew furious and stifled. Ming Jiasheng ordered Mu Ronghua to move back to Yongning Palace several times, but Mu Ronghua ignored it, treating it as nothing. When Ming Jiasheng argued with him, Mu Ronghua would simply stuffed cotton into his ears and did whatever he pleased.
Only then did Ming Jiasheng suddenly understand. Cold words are not what hurt the most, indifference is.
Each time Ming Jiasheng suffered indignity here, returning to his own palace he’d rage and smash things. Once he made himself quite ill from anger, taking a long time to somewhat recover.
From that time on, Ming Jiasheng fell sick every few days. His body always felt uncomfortable in one way or another. The worst was his head ailment. When it flared, even if someone’s breathing was a little too loud, he would order them beaten more than ten times with a staff.
He changed from his former diligent governance and began to slack, going to Chunhe Palace to rest and recuperate. Going several days without holding court became common. He also began to listen to the slander of petty villains, allowing them to seize control of the court. In the six years that followed, the Great Lin Dynasty experienced an unprecedented storm of turmoil and instability.
When the rebel army pressed up to the palace, it was as if the Ming family only then suddenly awakened to what they had been doing all these years.
The rebellion was eventually quelled. Countless died in the palace, blood flowing like a river. In that blood, there was Mu Ronghua’s.
Mu Ronghua took a sword for Ming Jiasheng, suffering a grave wound, and nearly dying. Though the imperial physicians later saved him with everything they had, they all said he would not live long.
After this rebellion, and after Mu Ronghua’s brush with death, it was as if Ming Jiasheng had been doused headfirst in ice water. His previously muddled mind completely awakening. He also finally understood one thing that had knotted and tormented him for most of his life.
He worked frantically to salvage the court’s situation, and he also posted imperial notices everywhere to seek miraculous physicians to treat Mu Ronghua’s injuries. He personally attended to the severely wounded Mu Ronghua, caring for him with meticulous devotion, as if returning to the tenderness of their first years of marriage.
Yet whether Mu Ronghua was dimly unconscious or awake, he had little reaction to any of it. There was always a chill in his eyes.
Heaven did not grant Ming Jiasheng much time to regret and make up for it. Mu Ronghua lay bedridden for more than two months. In the end, he could not hold on. He passed away, ending his thirty-seven years of life.
Rong Hua suddenly propped himself up and sat upright. He turned slightly and looked at Ming Jiasheng. His eyes, washed clean by tears, were clear and calm. His voice was steady, coldly level. “The words I said to you before I died, have you forgotten them? I told you not to misunderstand. I took that sword for you not because I still loved you, but because I wanted to finally end a relationship that ruined my entire life. I also said that if there is a next life, please stay far away from me. You… do you truly not remember any of it?”
Su Jingyang listened to Rong Hua’s entire story and felt as if he had lived through a long dream himself. Before, he had only heard from Rong Ci that Ming Jiasheng had wronged Rong Hua’s feelings. Now, it was clear this went far beyond wronging someone’s feelings. This was tormenting someone for an entire lifetime!
Su Jingyang had even vaguely guessed earlier that Rong Hua and Ming Jiasheng might be the protagonists, since both had returned by possessing bodies, such a fantastical thing.
If Rong Hua and Ming Jiasheng truly were the protagonists… Su Jingyang would rather collect energy until he died than ever think of matchmaking them. Otherwise, he would despise himself and slap his own face a few times in disgust!
Ming Jiasheng was so selfish and cold. Su Jingyang did not even know how Ah Xuan had raised such a son!
The moment Rong Ci released Ming Jiasheng’s sealed acupoints, Ming Jiasheng rushed forward and said urgently, “Rong Hua, I was wrong. I really know I was wrong. I…”
Rong Hua sneered at him, his expression without the slightest warmth. “Between you and Mu Ronghua, it ended long ago. I am Rong Hua now. I am the Wu Clan’s Saintess. You and I have nothing to do with each other.”
Ming Jiasheng stared at him with reddened eyes. “You think I came too late? The Ming dynasty’s realm couldn’t be buried in my hands. It’s true, I only came to find you after more than five years, after I stabilized everything and passed the throne to the Crown Prince. I truly lived each day like a year, suffering endlessly. Every moment, I wished I could see you sooner. How much better it would’ve been.”
“See me, and then what? Start over with me?” Rong Hua laughed in sharp mockery. The smile was cold and blinding. Ming Jiasheng froze as he watched him. Rong Hua continued, “I was tormented and bound by you for an entire lifetime. What grudge do you have against me that you still won’t let me go? Why should I have to suffer this?”
“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I only want to see you living well…”
Rong Hua suddenly stood up. With his hair loose and his feet bare, he walked straight up to Ming Jiasheng. He stared hard at his face, streaked with both tears and blood, his expression cold and severe. “Ming Jiasheng! I was married to you for eighteen years. Do you think I don’t know what kind of thing you are? You think I’d believe your ghost story? If I hadn’t recovered my memories myself, what story were you planning to fabricate to deceive me this time?”
Ming Jiasheng’s face was ashen. He looked at him. “I didn’t…”
“You didn’t, because I remember everything now, and I will never have any entanglement with you again! This is my new life. It doesn’t exist so you can ‘make up for’ anyone!” Rong Hua’s eyes and tone were utterly decisive. “Mu Ronghua once belonged to you, and you didn’t cherish him. You can have two lives, but I only get one chance.”
Rong Hua lifted a hand and pointed toward the doorway. “Leave. Don’t appear before me again. Otherwise, I can scatter your soul!”
After saying that, Rong Hua did not look at him again. With a blank face, he turned and began packing clothes and silver, like he was about to travel far.
Su Jingyang did not know where he planned to go, but he guessed Rong Hua urgently needed to clear his head, so he ran over to help.
Ming Jiasheng watched Rong Hua acting as if he could not wait to leave. His hands slowly clenched. His breathing sank abruptly. He closed his eyes and said softly, “There’s no need to look… In this life, Lin Zhao died not long after birth, and Lin Que won’t exist again either.”
Su Jingyang and Rong Hua both froze at the same time. Rong Hua’s expression turned stiff. The red robe he had just taken from the cabinet drifted from his hands and fell to the floor. That vivid color looked like a pool of blood dripping from the heart.
Rong Hua did not believe Ming Jiasheng. After packing, he set out in person to investigate the Demonic Sect. Su Jingyang snapped out of it and realized Ming Jiasheng was gone as well. He quickly grabbed Rong Ci and asked, “Did he go after Rong Hua?!”
Rong Ci nodded. Su Jingyang flared with anger. “How does he even have the face to come back and chase Rong Hua?! Rong Ci, what’s wrong with you? He’s that scummy. Why would you help him and give him a chance?”
The fire spread to Rong Ci. Rong Ci could only sigh. “Based on what I know about myself, it’s not giving him a chance to make up for it. It’s giving him a chance to give up, to understand that not every ‘I regret it too late’ actually has meaning.”
Not every “I regret it too late” has meaning…
Su Jingyang’s heart suddenly jolted at those words. His expression went distant for a moment.
Rong Ci asked what was wrong. Su Jingyang snapped back and shook his head. “Nothing. I’m just a little worried about Rong Hua… Rong Ci, once Rong Hua finishes investigating, let’s meet up with him and go to Jincheng together. I’ve heard about it so many times, yet I’ve never been there.”
In the letter he was sending out, he had deliberately written that he would go to see Ling Li after the children turned one. If he went early this time, he did not know whether Ah Li would feel delighted at his sudden appearance or worried that he might not be able to go home. Sigh… Whatever the case, he would see him first and talk later.
Moreover, Su Jingyang thought, Rong Hua right now would certainly also very much want to see Ling Li again.
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