Yet There’s Probably No “If.”
After that, they spent nearly every day together. Su Jingyang carried the two children to keep Ling Li company, and Ling Li personally cooked three meals a day for Su Jingyang, making the dishes and pastries he loved, as if he meant to cook an entire lifetime’s worth all at once. Su Jingyang had always loved his cooking, but now each time he felt as if food were stuck in his throat. Even after he forced it down, he couldn’t tell what it tasted like. That feeling was truly hard to bear.
The time before parting flew by rapidly.
When the final day arrived, they couldn’t drag it out anymore. Only then did Ling Li bid farewell to Xu Mei and the others and set out for the separate estate. Su Jingyang and Rong Ci went with him, holding the children. That night, Su Jingyang wanted to sleep with Ling Li. In these days, though, Ling Li felt he’d already taken up enough of Su Jingyang’s time, so he refused to let him stay overnight each time.
Rong Ci saw through Su Jingyang’s thoughts at a glance. He kissed him and stroked his face, then told him, “Alright. I know he matters a lot to you. If you want to go, then go. This hesitation doesn’t suit you.”
Once Rong Ci said that, Su Jingyang decided to follow his heart and ran off to find Ling Li. Ling Li looked a little helpless when he saw him, yet in the end he didn’t drive him away.
This might be the last night they could stay together. Su Jingyang thought he would have countless things to say to Ling Li, but he only felt a heavy blockage in his chest. Even with a thousand words in his heart, he truly didn’t know where to begin.
Su Jingyang lay there with an arm under his head. After Ah Xuan finished bathing, he climbed into bed and threw himself into Su Jingyang’s arms. Su Jingyang caught him, his nose filling with the child’s unique, clean scent.
Ah Xuan looked very reluctant to part. He nuzzled against Su Jingyang for a long time, asking, “Will Uncle come to see us in the future?”
Su Jingyang patted his little head and said warmly, “If there’s a chance… I definitely will.”
Ah Xuan only caught the last part and immediately brightened. “Then Papa and I will wait for you in Jincheng. You can’t go back on your word.”
Su Jingyang hooked pinkies with him, but in his heart, he thought dimly that if there was no chance, then naturally he wouldn’t be able to go.
Ling Li listened to their exchange and turned to glance at Su Jingyang. Su Jingyang met his eyes, smiled, and asked, “Ah Li, is there something you want to say to me?”
Ling Li turned his body as well. He watched Su Jingyang in silence for a moment, then sighed. His tone was a touch solemn as he said, “Jingyang, do you still remember what I told you…”
Su Jingyang blinked. “What?”
Ling Li said, “You must cherish the present. Even if you have to leave someday, don’t let yourself leave behind regrets.”
Su Jingyang paused, then nodded. “I remember.”
He had listened to Ling Li before and truly was learning to cherish things. Yet even when he cherished every moment with Ah Li, the parting still hurt unbearably. Later, when he had to separate from Rong Ci and the children, how much better could it be. It was only a kind of comfort for the heart.
Su Jingyang’s thoughts turned over once, then he still said to Ling Li, “Ah Li, don’t worry. I understand.”
Ling Li kept looking at him quietly for a long time. He curved his lips faintly, rested a hand on Su Jingyang’s shoulder, and patted him lightly. His voice was very, very soft. “That’s good. Sleep early.”
Su Jingyang murmured an “Mm.” The lamps were extinguished. In the dark, Ah Xuan’s breathing gradually evened out, yet Su Jingyang knew that this night, Ling Li hadn’t slept either.
There was no imagined long talk through the night. The two of them lay face to face, unmoving, until the sky began to brighten. In the faint light, two pairs of wide-open eyes stared at each other without a sound. Ling Li’s throat bobbed once. He suddenly grabbed Su Jingyang’s hand and clasped it tight. He closed his eyes, and two silent streams of tears fell.
When it was about time, Ah Xuan woke as well. The maids waiting outside filed in and began to help them wash up and dress.
Su Jingyang finished quickly and sat by the table. The maids were still straightening Ling Li and Ah Xuan’s clothing and headwear. Su Jingyang stared at them without blinking, lost in a daze.
Ah Xuan didn’t need to be mentioned. He already resembled Ming Zhan eight or nine parts. Once he changed clothes and pulled on his little boots, he looked exactly like a tiny young noble.
Ling Li wore a red, cross-collared robe with wide sleeves, embroidered with delicate dark patterns. His black hair was gathered entirely into a crown, revealing refined brows and eyes and a smooth, pale forehead. A beautiful jade ornament hung at his waist. He stood there with no expression, arms slightly spread as the maids arranged his collar and sleeves, a clear and chill nobility seeming to rise from him naturally.
Su Jingyang felt so dazed he could hardly breathe. The person in front of him felt a bit unfamiliar, and Su Jingyang simply couldn’t connect him to the Ah Li who had always been simple and plain before. Calling it like two different people wasn’t an exaggeration.
Yet a bright pearl was still a bright pearl. Even if it had been covered in dust for years, there would come a day it began to shine.
Su Jingyang watched what Ling Li looked like now, remembered what Ming Jiasheng had said about Ling Li’s future, and at last understood a little more. Ah Li was destined to walk this road, and he was suited to it.
This was probably what fate had ordained.
Once everything was ready, Su Jingyang and Rong Ci held the children and escorted them outside. A splendid, spacious carriage waited at the gate, and before and behind it stretched a long procession as far as the eye could see, standing in orderly formation in the morning breeze. Ling Li emerged surrounded by attendants, and everyone knelt in neat rows and bowed.
Rong Ci’s gaze flicked aside unintentionally. He saw Ming Jiasheng and his attendants standing in a corner at a distance, staring straight this way.
Before getting into the carriage, Ling Li’s figure paused. He suddenly turned back and gave Su Jingyang, along with the children in his arms, a brief, tight hug, then released him quickly.
Ling Li looked at Su Jingyang with reddened eyes and said in a low voice, “Jingyang, I’m leaving.”
No matter how much he wanted time to move slower, slower, this moment still arrived in the end.
This was the road he had chosen. He didn’t regret it. He would bear it himself and walk forward with resolve.
Tears filled Su Jingyang’s eyes. His throat choked painfully as he sobbed, “Ah Li, Ah Li…”
Su Jingyang couldn’t bear it and reached as if to grab his hand. Ling Li moved first, clasping Su Jingyang’s hand and squeezing it hard. In his eyes there seemed to be a thousand feelings and ten thousand unspoken words, yet he pressed his lips together and said nothing. He only kissed Ah Yu and Ah Xi with tears in his eyes, then said to Su Jingyang in a hoarse voice, “All of you, take care of yourselves.”
Ling Li gave Rong Ci a slight nod, then looked at Su Jingyang one last time. He stopped lingering, released Su Jingyang’s hand, turned, and climbed into the carriage with Ah Xuan.
After Ah Xuan got in, he still poked his head out and waved at Su Jingyang and Rong Ci, reluctant to part. Ling Li, though, didn’t show his face again.
The grand procession began to move. Su Jingyang stood where he was, staring blankly as carriage departed into the distance, feeling as if a piece had been hollowed out of his heart.
He knew that this might not be “see you again,” but a final parting.
The carriage rolled steadily forward. Ling Li lowered his eyes and remained dazed for a long time before he noticed Ah Xuan had been lying across his knees, watching him.
When Ling Li finally looked at him, Ah Xuan tilted his head and asked softly, “Papa, what’s wrong. Is it because you can’t bear to part with Uncle?”
Meeting his son’s concerned gaze, Ling Li froze. Then he suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around him, patted his hair, and said, “Papa’s fine.”
Ah Xuan nestled in his arms and comforted him softly. “I can’t bear to part with Uncle either, and Yi-gege, and Ah Yu and Ah Xi. Uncle promised he’ll come see us in the future. Papa, don’t be sad.”
Ling Li heard that and only gave a bitter smile.
Jingyang had said “if there’s a chance,” if… yet most likely, there was no “if.”
Once he entered the palace and stayed with His Majesty, Jingyang might finally be able to return to the home he longed for so desperately, and he would never appear again.
Just now, they hadn’t been saying goodbye. They had been parting forever.
Ling Li let out a low sigh. Holding the child close, he closed his eyes with heavy breaths. He had personally severed his past with his own hands. The road ahead was unknown and perilous. From now on, even if he had to stake his life on it, he would protect Ah Xuan properly. Other than that, he had no other wish…
After the carriage had been on the road for nearly an hour, it suddenly stopped without any warning.
Ling Li first thought they were stopping to rest midway, but he quickly sensed something was off. After the carriage halted for a moment, there wasn’t the slightest sound outside. The silence was so strange it felt eerie.
Ling Li didn’t understand. He stayed quiet for a bit, then couldn’t help calling softly for Song Hui. Song Hui had been riding guard beside his carriage and normally wouldn’t leave easily.
Yet after Ling Li spoke, no one answered at all.
The situation didn’t look like they’d encountered danger, but the sense of wrongness in Ling Li’s heart only grew stronger. He lifted the curtain on the right-side window and looked out, only to see Song Hui’s horse. Song Hui himself was nowhere in sight.
Ling Li had just withdrawn his gaze, sitting up with uncertainty and alarm, when the carriage door curtain was slowly lifted by a pair of pale, long fingers.
Ah Xuan’s eyes widened and he let out a small sound of surprise. Ling Li tightened his hold on Ah Xuan, instinctively holding his breath. His heart began pounding violently for no reason at all.
As the curtain was raised bit by bit, a face he never expected appeared in his vision. The instant Ling Li saw him, his mind seemed to roar and explode. The tension that had been on his face froze completely, turning blank.
He… couldn’t believe it. He even suspected he was dreaming.
That person stood tall and refined, dressed in brocade with a golden crown. An arrogant, restrained nobility clung to him from head to toe. In his dark eyes flowed dazzling light. He looked at Ling Li with a smile, and behind him the entire procession had fallen to their knees in a dense sea.
Ah Xuan’s eyes lit up. He called happily, “Father Emperor!”
Ming Zhan’s lips curved slightly. He extended a hand to Ling Li, who was still frozen there, and stared at him deeply. His voice was low, measured, and gentle. “Empress, I’ve come to escort you back to the palace.”
Author’s Note:
There are no ranking tasks, and I’ve been really tired. I hovered on the edge of going on hiatus for a long time, but I still opened my computer and wrote… = =
Ah Li’s main storyline is more or less wrapped up, but he’ll still show up later.
Next up, we’re sprinting straight toward the ending~
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