This Time, We Really Are Saying Goodbye
After Ling Li tucked the blanket around Ah Xuan, who had woken for a bit and then fallen asleep again, he turned back and found Su Jingyang still staring off into space. Ling Li moved over and sat beside him, asking warmly, “What’s wrong with you? You’ve seemed absent-minded all day.”
It was only when Su Jingyang heard Ling Li’s voice that he snapped back a little. He curved his lips into a smile. “Nothing, nothing. Is Ah Xuan asleep?”
“Mm, asleep…” Ling Li still wasn’t at ease and asked again, “Are you really alright?”
Su Jingyang shook his head. “I’m really fine. I just didn’t sleep very well last night.”
In truth, it was because Rong Ci’s tears the day before, and that sentence, were something he couldn’t forget. Rong Ci said, “Thank you for showing up,” and Su Jingyang’s energy progress bar jumped to 8.7%. Su Jingyang had been shocked. He’d mulled it over for ages, and only belatedly did he understand why Rong Ci had reacted like that.
Maybe it was because sixty years later, Su Jingyang was no longer by Rong Ci’s side, so…
Now, not to mention sixty years, Ah Li would be entering the palace soon, and Su Jingyang would be able to leave too. He probably wouldn’t even have half a year left.
Rong Ci always said he wouldn’t forcibly keep him, but in his heart, he definitely didn’t feel good. It was just his temperament. Thus, he rarely showed it. Yet the moment he let even a little of it slip, Su Jingyang realized he felt a pain so sharp it twisted like a knife. He could barely breathe.
Su Jingyang pressed a hand hard to his face and rubbed. He looked worn-out, his chest feeling as if it had been soaked in vinegar, sour and aching, so miserable he didn’t even want to speak.
Ling Li studied him for a moment, sensing something. His eyes shifted toward the door. He rested a hand on Su Jingyang’s arm and asked, “Where’s Rong Ci? There’s nothing going on with me here. Why don’t you go back and spend more time with him?”
“He went to find Rong Hua.” Yesterday, Su Jingyang had asked Rong Ci what he planned to do. Rong Ci said he would tell Rong Hua the truth, so Rong Hua wouldn’t be pestered without understanding why, and so he could make his own decision.
Su Jingyang just didn’t know how Rong Hua would react after learning the truth. Sigh.
Ling Li nodded. “Then why don’t you sleep here for a while?”
Su Jingyang hadn’t really lied earlier. He truly hadn’t slept well. Hearing that, he tilted his head and leaned against Ling Li’s shoulder.
“I want to sleep here. Is that okay?”
Ling Li smiled and glanced at him. “It’s fine, but you won’t be comfortable sleeping like this.”
“I’m comfortable. Really comfortable.” Su Jingyang nuzzled in, then adjusted slightly. He lifted his eyes to meet Ling Li’s smiling gaze. They were very close, their breaths mingling. Su Jingyang held his gaze, and a sudden wave of sadness rose in him. “Later, when we’re separated by distance. Forget about being close like this, even seeing each other will be difficult.”
Ling Li’s eyes dimmed too. He lifted a hand and stroked Su Jingyang’s back.
“But, Ah Li.” A bright glimmer flashed through Su Jingyang’s dark eyes. He looked utterly resolute as he told Ling Li, “I believe you’ll definitely live well in the future, and Ah Xuan will definitely be fine too. Definitely!”
He couldn’t tell Ling Li about the future, but he could still say blessings. Maybe hearing it would give Ling Li a little comfort.
Ling Li looked at him and said softly, “Thank you.”
Su Jingyang stayed leaning against Ling Li’s shoulder and dozed for a while. Ling Li didn’t move at all, letting him lean. When Ming Jiasheng came to see Ah Xuan, Su Jingyang finally sat up, still half-asleep.
Su Jingyang got up and went to the table to pour himself tea. Out of the corner of his eye, he kept glancing at Ming Jiasheng, who was speaking quietly with Ling Li. Honestly, even though Su Jingyang knew the truth now, he still couldn’t see Ming Jiasheng as Ah Xuan’s son. Ah Xuan was still so little. Yet Ming Jiasheng’s attitude toward both Ling Li and Ah Xuan was completely respectful, the way one treats elders. It looked so natural, so effortless, that it didn’t feel awkward at all.
Given how relatively calm Ming Jiasheng looked right now, he probably still didn’t know Rong Hua had already learned everything…
Ming Jiasheng learned that Ah Xuan’s fever had mostly subsided and there wouldn’t be any further danger. He stayed a short while, then left. Ling Li watched his retreating back, and at last he couldn’t hold back the faintly strange look on his face. This person seemed far too concerned about Ah Xuan. It was truly hard to read.
Su Jingyang sensed Ling Li’s confusion. He poured him a cup of tea and handed it over. “Maybe like he said, he’s treating you like family.”
Ling Li accepted the cup and lowered his eyes in thought. Only then did he look at Su Jingyang and speak slowly. “Actually, I’ve always been puzzled. Rong Hua said the same thing too, that I resemble one of his relatives. However, I shouldn’t have any blood relation with either of them. It seems more likely the two of them share some relative who looks very much like me, and the connection is on their side.
Hao Jiasheng keeps entangling Rong Hua. Rong Hua looks like he hates him and avoids him, but when Hao Jiasheng was injured, Rong Hua became somewhat unsettled, as if there’s some hidden story. Perhaps between the two of them…” Ling Li paused, then continued, “There’s also one more thing I truly can’t understand. Hao Jiasheng changed too drastically before and after. There’s something inexplicably strange about him…”
Su Jingyang froze when he heard him say all that. Ling Li frowned and shook his head, then sighed softly. “Forget it. I really can’t figure it out.”
Ling Li lowered his head to drink, while Su Jingyang stared wide-eyed, shouting in his heart: No. No, you’ve figured it out completely!
Ling Li lifted his head and found Su Jingyang staring straight at him. He smiled and asked softly, “What is it?”
Su Jingyang reached out awkwardly. “Do you want more tea? I’ll pour you another cup.”
Su Jingyang thought, if Rong Ci hadn’t told him the truth directly, he would’ve only thought Hao Jiasheng was a clingy, persistent lunatic. He definitely wouldn’t have analyzed it the way Ling Li just did and teased out a clue. Su Jingyang truly despised his own brain.
Su Jingyang stayed with Ling Li until afternoon before returning. On the way, he happened to run into Rong Ci coming to find him. Su Jingyang immediately asked what was going on with Rong Hua.
Rong Ci sighed. “He went back to Rongcheng.”
“Back to Rongcheng?” Su Jingyang was startled. He had thought Rong Hua would go confront Hao Jiasheng, demand the full story and get everything straight. Who would’ve thought he’d just leave like this?
“Mm. He’s probably going back to find the Grand Shaman.”
“Then… what was his reaction after hearing it?”
“His face looked awful. He didn’t really believe it, but he also couldn’t not believe it. Deep down, he’s always had a faint sense of it.”
Learning something like that so suddenly would be a huge shock. Su Jingyang felt indescribably sorry for Rong Hua. He hurriedly asked, “Then did Ming Jiasheng chase after him again?”
Rong Ci said, “He tried. Rong Hua lashed him without mercy, a few hard strikes. He didn’t catch up.”
Rong Hua had left, but Ah Xuan’s injury still hadn’t healed, so they definitely couldn’t leave. Su Jingyang could only worry silently for Rong Hua.
After a few more days of recuperation, Ah Xuan’s spirits recovered somewhat. He could get out of bed and walk around, but the injured arm still couldn’t be raised since it would tug at the wound. Su Jingyang and Xu Mei often carried the child around to keep him company and play with him. With a child livening things up, it didn’t feel boring.
After failing to catch Rong Hua that day, Ming Jiasheng actually stayed as well. Almost every day, he came to see Ah Xuan and Ling Li. Ling Li knew Rong Hua had left on his own, and seeing that Ming Jiasheng’s brows and eyes were always shadowed by a knot of worry, Ling Li seemed to sense something and sighed quietly, but he asked nothing.
And so, after another half a month passed, Ling Li suddenly told Su Jingyang that Ah Xuan’s injury was more or less healed, and they could set off back to Rongcheng.
Su Jingyang also felt they troubled the hosts for too long. He told Xu Mei and Mu Jin that they planned to leave the next day.
Xu Mei couldn’t bear to part with them, but since the two places weren’t too far apart, he said he would go to Rongcheng to see them in the future.
The next morning, they finished packing and got into the carriage. Ming Jiasheng also followed along.
Xu Mei and Mu Jin came out to see them off. Just as they were saying farewell, Song Hui, who was stationed outside Ling Li’s carriage, suddenly received an urgent report. A trace of delight appeared on his face. After he waved off the messenger, he turned to Ling Li and said, “Young Master, the Master has already sent people to come fetch you. They’ll arrive in Liyang in about ten days.”
Hearing this, Ling Li, holding Ah Xuan, froze for a long time before he said quietly, “I understand.”
Song Hui added, “Young Master, please move to the separate estate. We’ll wait there.”
Su Jingyang had already heard their exchange. He quickly handed the child to the wet nurse and walked over with Rong Ci, staring blankly at Ling Li.
Even though he’d long known the day of parting would come and had prepared himself, when it truly arrived, it still felt sudden. His throat tightened so hard he couldn’t speak.
Ling Li met Su Jingyang’s gaze for a moment. His lips trembled. “No need. I’ll stay here for two more days before going over.”
Song Hui naturally didn’t dare have any opinion. He answered respectfully.
Ming Jiasheng also stepped down from the carriage. His gaze fell on Ling Li and Ah Xuan, his expression somewhat complicated. Xu Mei and Mu Jin exchanged a look and said nothing.
Ling Li helped Ah Xuan down from the carriage. He turned back to Xu Mei and said, “Sorry. I may have to trouble you for a few more days.”
Xu Mei smiled. “Ah Li, why are you being polite with me? I wish you’d stay longer. Alright, don’t all stand out here. Let’s go inside.”
So everyone turned back and returned. Only, compared to when they’d set out laughing and chatting, the road back was completely silent. Even the two children were quiet and barely made a sound.
Su Jingyang walked beside Ling Li, turning to look at him repeatedly. Ling Li did the same. The two of them said nothing, only exchanging silent glances.
When night fell, Su Jingyang handed the children to Rong Ci to watch, then went out. In the agreed-upon pavilion, he found Ling Li.
Ling Li wore pale blue-green robes, standing with his back to him by the red railing. His black hair and the hem of his clothes fluttered lightly in the wind. Beneath the clear moonlight, his figure looked exceptionally cold and solitary.
Su Jingyang slowed his steps as he walked over. With every step, all the beautiful memories of their time together after they met rose again and again in his mind, surging without end.
Even knowing Ling Li would have a good ending, in this moment, he still couldn’t help feeling heartbroken for the parting that was about to come.
Only when Su Jingyang reached Ling Li’s side did he see that Ling Li was holding a sky lantern. Su Jingyang immediately remembered something, and his expression shifted.
“Ah Li…”
Ling Li turned his eyes toward him. Warm light flickered in his light brown pupils. “Back then, I said I’d release a sky lantern with you at the next Lantern Festival. But… I’m probably going to break that promise.”
Su Jingyang’s nose stung. In an instant, his eyes were wet.
“So today, let’s celebrate it early.” Ling Li smiled with reddened eyes. Su Jingyang looked at him and nodded hard. “Alright!”
Ling Li took out a brush and had Su Jingyang write his wish first. Su Jingyang held the brush and hesitated for a long time, yet in the end he didn’t write a single word. He said to Ling Li, “Ah Li, you go first.”
Ling Li watched his hesitation. Ripples spread gently through his eyes. Hearing that, he softly agreed, then took the brush and wrote on the lantern shade:
May Jingyang fulfill what he longs for in his heart.
Su Jingyang saw it and couldn’t help saying, “Ah Li, last year you said you were going to write a wish for yourself. Why is it me again?”
Ling Li said, “This is for myself. Your wish is my wish.”
Su Jingyang’s wet eyes held his for a long moment. He endured it with all he had, forcing back his tears. Ah Li was so good. Ah Li, who was closer to him than family. In the future, he probably wouldn’t be able to see him again.
At last, Su Jingyang wrote:
May Ah Li and Ah Xuan have smooth lives and be safe and sound.
“This is my wish for this year. It will come true. It definitely will.”
Ling Li looked at those words, pressing his pale lips together, smiling at him through tears.
The two lit the lantern and released it together. The lone lantern floated and swayed as it flew up into the night sky, slowly becoming a small orange dot.
Su Jingyang frowned, tilting his head up to watch, lost in sadness. Ling Li turned to him. His eyes, full of tears, looked at him for a moment before he suddenly reached out to embrace his neck.
Su Jingyang pulled his gaze back and hugged him in return, calling softly, “Ah Li…”
“Jingyang.” Ling Li choked out. “This time… we really are saying goodbye.”
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