70: I Want to Hold You
With every added mark, Qian Kun’s urge to possess grew stronger by the day.
An Alpha without inhibitors was like a walking weapon. A presence that could make anyone submit spread like a storm, almost overwhelming.
Even Shen Xie’an, fast asleep, woke under that pressure. He sucked in a few painful breaths and met the elderly man’s eyes from the next bed. Startled, he sprang upright and looked around. “What, what?”
The chair was empty.
Where was his brother?
The old man sprayed blocking agent everywhere, thoughtfully giving Shen Xie’an’s side a few extra bursts. He said, “Your brother’s friend showed up. Something might’ve happened?”
The hospital restroom had been sealed tight around every edge to prevent accidents. Not even a sliver of a gap remained. There was an exhaust fan inside, so once the door shut, the scent wouldn’t leak.
Still, that brief moment earlier had been enough to make the nearby Alphas feel awful.
This didn’t sound like a small issue.
Shen Xie’an breathed in the faint lavender scent of the blocking agent and finally felt a little better.
Even though he had just differentiated, he could sense the absolute suppression in rank. What kind of big shot was this?
Ke Minghuai was S-rank, yet Huai-ge never had this kind of freakish pressure.
His brother didn’t seem close to any Alpha either.
That wasn’t true.
One suspicious person did exist.
Shen Xie’an remembered a video call with his brother once. A lean waist had flashed on screen, tight and full of raw hormones. Shen Xie’an had thought then that this “roommate” didn’t look like a Beta at all.
He later learned it was Cat-ge, so he buried the doubt. Cat-ge always helped without hesitation, so Shen Xie’an’s goodwill kept growing until the question faded on its own.
Thinking about it, he still hadn’t asked Cat-ge’s real name.
Cat-ge, you didn’t hide some earth-shattering bomb, did you?!
Shen Jin had lost count of how many times pheromones had been forced into him. He felt like a small animal pinned by a predator, caught right at the throat by an Alpha.
Under normal circumstances, an Alpha in a pheromone fluctuation period would crave marking an Omega to an extreme. That was instinct.
For Qian Kun, the only person who could spark desire was the one in his arms.
No matter what Shen Jin’s gender was, he could stir Qian Kun’s nerves with ease.
“Sorry. I was impulsive.” Qian Kun loosened the restraint a little and noticed Shen Jin’s hand clenched into a fist, like he was holding something back.
Shen Jin was almost entirely enclosed in Qian Kun’s embrace, wrapped head to toe in Alpha scent. A thin sheen of sweat rose on his back.
Fear flickered, small and sharp.
Qian Kun’s scalding body pulled away. Shen Jin turned to face him and raised his hand abruptly.
Qian Kun saw it and tightened his lips.
He should be angry. No anger would worry him more. Qian Kun stayed where he was.
“You’re not dodging?”
Shen Jin’s voice was hoarse. He clearly hadn’t recovered from the shock of being marked.
Shen Jin knew Qian Kun was having an episode. He was only angry at himself for not being as angry as he should’ve been.
He looked up and met a pair of eyes hiding emotions he couldn’t read. An invisible net drew in around him without a sound, leaving him nowhere to go.
Qian Kun chuckled softly. Warmth stained the corners of his eyes. “Even if you hit me, even if you stab me right in the heart, I’d still be willing.”
He closed his eyes.
When an Alpha said something like that, he meant it.
That was what made it terrifying.
Shen Jin panicked.
He reached up and pinched Qian Kun’s cheek hard instead.
That handsome face warped under his fingers. Shen Jin felt faintly satisfied.
Qian Kun opened his eyes, dazed, and saw Shen Jin had already turned to open the door.
Qian Kun had been fierce, yet he hadn’t hurt him with any of his movements. Shen Jin could feel the restraint. He could’ve broken free if he truly fought back with everything he had.
Qian Kun had been close to losing control and still kept his reason.
That reason pushed him to approach Shen Jin on purpose.
This approach felt more like a test.
He was testing whether Shen Jin planned to cut their connection after that confession.
Qian Kun hadn’t expected it to go this far, only for Shen Jin to choose tolerance.
This tolerance was too indulgent for an Alpha. No wonder Ke Minghuai kept chasing repeatedly. No one could easily walk away after enjoying such special treatment.
Shen Jin was cold and detached to everyone.
Yet he was different with Qian Kun.
That kind of specialness was addictive, a thrill crawling under his skin that he couldn’t resist testing again.
Qian Kun hooked an arm around Shen Jin’s waist from behind. He pecked the tender gland gently, making Shen Jin tremble slightly.
“You know that indulging an Alpha at a time like this...” Qian Kun paused. “...is very dangerous, right?”
It would make an Alpha want to push further.
Once they left the restroom, Shen Jin’s overheated mind still didn’t cool. His hands trembled as he applied a new suppressant patch.
He took a few steps and his legs felt weak.
Wasn’t a Beta supposed to have no reaction to pheromones?
I feel like I didn’t react.
I also feel like I did.
What kind of “authoritative” institution was that?
Shen Jin waited in frustration until the worst of it passed.
When he returned to the beds, the room was dark.
He caught the lavender scent of blocking agent in the air. The old man in the next bed seemed asleep. Shen Jin awkwardly rubbed his burning face.
Shen Xie’an had turned over with his back to him.
Shen Jin tested the waters and called softly, “Xiao An?”
He called a few times. Shen Xie’an didn’t respond. Shen Jin relaxed a little.
His brother didn’t notice.
That spared him the embarrassment. His authority as the older brother could survive another day.
Just like Xie Ling said, he had to establish older-brother dignity in front of his younger brother.
Shen Jin thought of Qian Kun rushing here in the heavy rain, and something he couldn’t name tugged at his chest.
Ke Minghuai had been notified.
How did Qian Kun know?
He pulled out his phone and realized it had died at some point. He’d been busy with his brother and hadn’t noticed.
He plugged it in. A moment later, the screen lit up.
Missed call alerts poured in. A few were from his parents and his cousin. 63 were from Qian Kun.
Shen Jin stared at the number in silence.
Unclear feelings kept slamming into his rationality. He opened WeChat. Messages had arrived on both accounts, Cat and Hates Rabbit, both as voice clips.
Shen Jin hit play and held the phone to his ear.
Qian Kun’s anxious voice came through. He asked which hospital Shen Jin was at. He told him not to return to the city yet, since there might be landslides on the road.
Shen Jin remembered that pink off-road vehicle parked in the rain, and Qian Kun drenched from head to toe.
At that moment, the restroom door opened.
Shen Jin met the Alpha who had just finished showering, and the air went silent.
Qian Kun wore Shen Xie’an’s clothes. Even the biggest set looked tight and awkward on him.
Qian Kun’s face was cold. Good thing Shen Xie’an’s clothes didn’t carry pheromone scent or Qian Kun would’ve rather stayed undressed.
Shen Jin looked away first and pretended to be busy with his phone.
He quickly switched away from WeChat. It was already past midnight. His cousin was probably asleep, so he only sent Xie Ling a text message.
Xie Ling called back immediately.
He must’ve been waiting for Shen Jin to report that he was safe.
“I just finished a meeting anyway, it’s not like I was waiting for you,” Xie Ling emphasized again before ending the call.
Warmth rose in Shen Jin’s chest. He played along. “I know. Go rest, ge.”
In the Xie family study, Xie Ling, who had been guarding his phone, hung up with satisfaction.
The butler looked at him. Xie Ling shifted into a more relaxed posture and said, “Xiao Jin’s fine. He just forgot to charge his phone.”
“Will you still have the little wontons?”
The soup had been reheated more than ten times. Without news about the young master, Xie Ling had no appetite at all.
“I will. I’m hungry.”
After that call, Shen Jin hesitated, then finally called his mother, Xie Yan.
Their conversation was even more polite than before they cleared the air. Xie Yan’s tone held careful restraint. Shen Jin acted like he didn’t notice. He told her about Shen Xie’an’s situation and ended the call quickly.
During that time, Qian Kun carried in a simple folding bed for overnight watch. Shen Jin had been afraid of sleeping too deeply, so he hadn’t rented one.
Qian Kun wiped it down with wet wipes, then spread a thin blanket. A bodyguard brought a quilt from somewhere.
Shen Jin had just finished his call. Qian Kun gestured for him to sleep.
“What about you?” Shen Jin lowered his voice. Everyone in the room was asleep.
Qian Kun pointed at the chair beside him, the one Shen Jin had been sitting on. “I’ll sit there. I came because I was afraid you’d forget to take care of yourself.”
Shen Jin thought of those 63 calls and couldn’t find the words to answer.
He set an alarm on his phone. “I’ll sleep two hours. We’ll switch in the second half of the night.”
Qian Kun didn’t object.
Neither of them mentioned the marking from earlier.
The drunken confession stayed unspoken too.
They held a temporary balance. Qian Kun didn’t want to push too hard, while Shen Jin had nowhere left to retreat.
Shen Jin dimmed the bedside light and pulled the privacy curtain. Only a faint light remained around the hospital bed.
When he stood up, he saw Qian Kun tugging at the long sleeves awkwardly. Shen Jin asked quietly, “Did you get taller again?”
“About two centimeters in the last few months.”
“...Oh.”
Your height really doesn’t stop, like you’ve been chewing Xuanmai gum.
Qian Kun saw how exhausted Shen Jin looked, shadows under his eyes. He urged him again.
Shen Jin lay down fully dressed. “I’m not a kid.”
“You’re a kid in my eyes.”
A kid he was afraid to lose with a single blink.
Shen Jin argued back. “You’re younger than me.”
Qian Kun turned off the bedside lamp. In the dark, he sat down, leaned slightly forward, and spoke in a casual tone that still sounded magnetic and low. “Gege, sleep.”
It had started as a joke.
Now it became something only they used between them.
Shen Jin shut his eyes quickly. Under the blanket, his fingers curled tight, nails scraping into his palm.
He was afraid that if this continued, Qian Kun could say anything.
Behind them, Shen Xie’an, who had already been awake the whole time, stared into the dark in silence. “…”
I want to use the bathroom, but I feel like pretending to sleep is more appropriate right now.
The rain poured outside, rattling the window. Shen Jin slept unusually well.
Once Qian Kun confirmed Shen Jin was asleep, he unlocked Shen Jin’s phone.
When they first became contract boyfriends, Qian Kun had handed over his own phone password, saying a real couple shouldn’t be ignorant of something like that. He had even claimed that real couples checked each other’s phones.
Details decided success. One detail could make someone suspect the boyfriend was fake.
Shen Jin had never dated anyone. Qian Kun looked experienced and convincing, so Shen Jin believed him and gave up his password too.
After unlocking, Qian Kun turned off the alarm.
He sat back down and prepared to look over company documents. Per the old man’s wishes, he would start easing into the family business after his birthday. This was the learning phase.
Qian Kun opened WeChat and saw messages from the other person, sent to both accounts, two cat stickers that perfectly captured parts of Shen Jin’s mood.
[it’s... kinda sudden.jpg]
[mood downdown, up.jpg]
The second one was the best, a dejected kitty going from gloomy to fully revived.
Qian Kun glanced at said person bundled under the blanket and saved the images.
So cute.
Why was Shen Jin this adorable? He was about to lose it.
He lifted his head and met a pair of bright eyes from the bed.
Ah.
The younger brother’s death glare.
Qian Kun stayed perfectly calm. He pointed toward the hallway, meaning: talk outside, don’t wake your brother.
Shen Xie’an understood too. His brother had been running around all day. He had finally fallen asleep. Shen Xie’an climbed down quietly, went to the restroom first, then headed into the hallway. He found Qian Kun by the emergency exit.
Qian Kun leaned against the railing there. Shen Xie’an pulled out a pack of cigarettes, smoothly took one, and offered another to Qian Kun.
Qian Kun raised a brow. He didn’t take it. He gestured for the whole pack instead.
Shen Xie’an didn’t guard against him. He thought Qian Kun was curious about the brand and handed it over.
Qian Kun asked, “When did you learn to smoke?”
Shen Xie’an lit one and exhaled a slow ring. “Two years ago. Things were stressful at home. My grades are bad. My parents spoil me, yet they probably think my grades are embarrassing.”
Shen Xie’an looked nothing like the obedient little brother in front of Shen Jin. He seemed like a different person.
This was still him.
He cared about his brother, so he was willing to look like a good little brother. He could only act spoiled and clingy in front of Shen Jin.
Qian Kun nodded in understanding and confiscated the whole pack without apology.
“If you don’t want your brother to know, quit it.”
Shen Xie’an’s eyes nearly popped out. “Who said you get to control me?”
You’re not even official yet. You’re already controlling the younger brother-in-law?
That calm, domineering attitude was maddening.
Still, a strange sense of reassurance rose in Shen Xie’an’s chest.
Ke Minghuai also knew but never made any special indication or stopped him.
Would there be one more person to manage him in the future?
Shen Xie’an stared at him. “Cat-ge. I still don’t know your real name.”
The softness he showed in front of his brother vanished. The middle-school tyrant’s sharpness surfaced in his eyes.
Back when they added each other, Shen Xie’an had asked whether he was Qian Kun. The answer had been: Don’t know him.
Looking back, that was so sly.
Don’t know him, because he was him.
“My name is Qian Kun.” Qian Kun admitted it directly. Shen Xie’an wasn’t stupid. He probably had already guessed.
Shen Xie’an demanded, “I heard you once forced someone to drop out. True or not?”
“True, but you’re missing a key detail.” Qian Kun knew that rumor well. It made plenty of people keep their distance back in private school. “That was a scholarship top student who got admitted on exceptional scores. He also used his spare time as a tutor to harass Omegas.”
Back then, after the person got expelled, some news coverage that didn’t know the truth reported that Qian Kun had bullied someone with power and forced him out.
Shen Xie’an suddenly felt the story was familiar.
Many years ago, his family hired a tutor. The person came from a subordinate’s family, a genius who ranked top three in the province on the entrance exam. No one knew he was twisted. He tried to do something when the house was empty.
At first, it was only casual touches.
He used words to tear Shen Xie’an down too, making him too scared to tell anyone at home.
Shen Xie’an had been terrified and furious.
His brother came home and found out.
He still remembered how ruthless his brother looked then, beating that trash until he couldn’t stand.
The Shen family paid a lot of money to settle it. Shen Jin avoided a lawsuit. That family took the huge payout, quit, and moved away from the slum they used to live in.
Shen Xie’an hadn’t been physically harmed, yet his personality changed from that point on.
Shen Xie’an’s expression turned unsteady. “What was his name?”
“Xue Yi.”
It was this name.
The name that once haunted Shen Xie’an’s nightmares.
Qian Kun saw his expression was off and asked, “You’ve met him?”
Shen Xie’an ground his teeth. “A few times. He never looked like a good person.”
The image of his brother beating that human trash, blood everywhere, stayed vivid.
That scene felt satisfying. It also gave Shen Xie’an courage for the future. He didn’t fear trash. He feared having no power to fight back.
Qian Kun patted his stiff shoulder. “Great minds think alike.”
Shen Xie’an slowly relaxed. His last trace of wariness toward Qian Kun disappeared.
Shen Xie’an had seen enough chaos to count as battle-hardened for a middle-schooler. Qian Kun’s attitude was honest from start to finish, so curiosity bubbled up instead.
“Tell me the truth. You’ve been targeting my brother for a long time, haven’t you?”
Adding me was never about me. You were using me to get to him. Hah. You’ve been lying in wait.
How was I so naive back then? This was either Qian Kun hiding too well, or he was just too deep in the game.
With Qian Kun moving step by step like this, how many shocks could his brother even take? This was obvious. Qian Kun was determined to get him.
“So you agree?” Qian Kun didn’t deny it.
“Does my agreement matter? What matters is what my brother wants.” Shen Xie’an rolled his eyes.
“He cares about you.”
Shen Xie’an snorted. “Fine. Younger brother-in-law is a rare species. Use it while it lasts.” He tried one last time. “Give the cigarettes back?”
“No.”
Shen Xie’an glared. “Does my brother know you’re this heartless?”
“He does. He would probably support me reporting you.”
Shen Xie’an went silent.
You win.
Ge, maybe you should take your time saying yes.
The later the better.
I can stay free for a few more years.
Shen Jin didn’t wake until morning. He vaguely heard voices. Qian Kun was handing breakfast to Shen Xie’an.
Were these two this close before?
One night passed.
What happened?
Qian Kun noticed him first and told him to wash up.
Shen Jin was still groggy. “Why didn’t you wake me last night?”
Where was my alarm? Did it die?
Qian Kun said directly, “I turned it off.”
Shen Jin hadn’t even answered when Shen Xie’an caught the key point. “How does Kun-ge know my brother’s phone password?”
Is that something you can just give out?
Shen Jin’s eyelid twitched, completely awake now
Qian Kun looked ready to blurt it out, so Shen Jin immediately derailed the topic.
They barely survived that scene. Qian Kun went to the bathroom where Shen Jin was washing his face.
Qian Kun squeezed toothpaste for him, shaping it into a perky sea-star butt. He had practiced enough times that his skill shot up. He said, “It’s not a big deal if he knows. Just tell the truth.”
Shen Jin took the toothbrush. “Shut up.”
Qian Kun obediently went quiet, eyes full of smiles. Shen Jin avoided his focused gaze.
How was he supposed to introduce him?
My current fake boyfriend, future unknown?
Did Shen Xie’an really need more shocks right now?
It was almost eight. The doctor would do rounds soon. Everything that needed to be said would be said. Shen Jin knew he couldn’t hide it much longer.
Qian Kun left the hospital room to give the brothers space.
Shen Jin sat by the bed and said, “Xiao An, don’t panic when you hear this. No matter what happens, ge will stay with you.”
Shen Xie’an sat up straight. He had prepared for the worst.
He had even gone to notarize a will recently, leaving his limited-edition models and his New Year money.
The models went to his parents. The money went to his brother. A fair distribution.
“Say it. I can take it.”
“You differentiated. You became an Alpha.”
Shen Xie’an went quiet for a long time, his expression changing slightly as he slowly lowered his head.
Shen Jin patted his back and hugged him, gathering words for comfort.
“Xiao An...”
“Ge, this world actually has something this good?”
Shen Jin looked again. He realized that Shen Xie’an wasn’t sad at all. He looked ready to explode with joy, already dreaming about life as an Alpha.
Thinking back, Shen Xie’an had been trending A-like since childhood. His hobbies matched too. He loved sports cars, boxing, anything that showed strength. Even his height ran tall among his peers.
The whole differentiation crisis ended like that, absurdly dramatic.
Shen Xie’an recovered well. The next afternoon, once all test results came back, the doctor approved discharge.
However, the storm had caused the highway to close for emergency repairs. Qian Kun’s feared landslide still happened.
After discussion, they decided to stay at a nearby hotel for a night first, but they ended up arguing at the front desk over room arrangements.
Shen Xie’an insisted on sharing with Shen Jin and thought it was only natural.
Qian Kun vetoed it outright. “Even if you were Omega, you’d need boundaries. You’re Alpha now. What Alpha is this old and still sleeping while hugging his brother? Do you have any shame?”
Shen Xie’an finally discovered the biggest downside of differentiating.
He couldn’t shamelessly cling and beg for hugs anymore.
“We’re real brothers!”
“Real brothers or not, you’re too clingy. Alpha, walk independently.”
“Then we want a double-bed room.” Shen Xie’an retreated a step.
Actually Alphas could stay with Betas, but Shen Jin was too special.
Shen Jin could smell Alpha pheromones. Shen Jin also sometimes carried a faint, dangerously tempting scent. Shen Jin used blocking agent constantly, so Qian Kun wasn’t sure what it was.
Qian Kun stared at Shen Xie’an. “You just differentiated. Can you guarantee you won’t pounce?”
Shen Xie’an shot back, “I can’t. Can you?”
Both are Alphas. Who’s more noble here?
“I can.” Qian Kun was calm. “I’ve shared a room with your brother for ages. Safe and safe and safe.”
“Ge, control him!” Shen Xie’an pointed. “He’s attacking me personally!”
With that attitude, you still want to be my new brother-in-law? Dream on.
Qian Kun’s lips curved. Dark tides surged in his eyes. “I only accept my lover managing me. Ask your brother. Is he one?”
Shen Xie’an froze.
He’s so good at this. Holy sh*t!
Shen Jin had grown used to Qian Kun’s sudden teasing. He watched the two Alphas bicker without end.
Both had presence. Neither backed down. Shen Jin saw his younger brother regain his usual energy. Subtle changes in his personality were starting to show too.
Shen Jin couldn’t decide whether to be happy or worried.
He said decisively, “Then get one room.”
Both Alphas spoke at the same time. “No.”
Same sex repelled each other. Sharing a room with another Alpha made their skin crawl. It felt like their territory was being challenged.
In the end, Shen Jin settled it.
One room each.
The century’s hardest problem was solved.
The two Alphas, who had been fired up seconds ago, went quiet at a speed visible to the naked eye. The front desk clerk stared, stunned.
She really wanted to laugh, but professionalism wouldn’t let her.
Later that night, the rain stopped.
Shen Jin went to the balcony and looked up at a blue-velvet sky. Lively gray clouds drifted across it. A thin crescent moon showed through.
He turned back and met someone’s gaze on the neighboring balcony.
Shen Jin wanted to look away, yet those aggressive eyes pinned him in place.
Qian Kun didn’t press him. He restrained his emotions and said softly, “Good night.”
Shen Jin fled without turning his head. He slammed the balcony door shut with a bang and slid down to the floor.
He buried his head into the crook of his arms.
Qian Kun’s gaze just now carried an unfinished sentence.
I want to hold you.
Author’s Note:
Qian Qian is getting less and less subtle.
Tsk tsk, the wolf tail is showing.
The big cousin: the later the better.
The little brother: yeah, the later the better.
Qian Qian: ...
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