68: So Now, Is It Sweet?
This was the kind of come-clean showdown Shen Jin feared the most, and it came so fast he had no preparation at all.
What was he supposed to do?
Qian Kun looked drunk, yet his gaze was painfully focused, full of a lingering tenderness that tugged at the heart, as if his eyes could only hold the person before him.
Streetlights outside kept sliding from their hair to their shoulders. When the car passed the commercial street, star lights hung in the trees, bright colors under the night, decorating the near and far heartbeat sounds between two boys who couldn’t quite pull away.
“I like you so much...”
He repeated it, making it hard to treat as a joke.
Yu Jia splashing wine on him gave Qian Kun another line of thought.
If Shen Jin rejected him, he could use drunkenness as the excuse and retreat back behind the boundary of a fake boyfriend.
If Shen Jin didn’t reject him completely, it meant Shen Jin had already wavered, and then Qian Kun could proceed to the final step.
In his current state, he could advance if things went well, retreat if necessary.
What Qiankun wanted was a situation where even after confessing, Shen Jin still couldn’t bring himself to talk about breaking up.
Shen Jin didn’t dodge. He met Qian Kun’s eyes head-on, then nearly lost in those drowning eyes, panic sweating down his back as he said, “Are you sure you want my answer right now, in this state?”
Shen Jin had watched Qian Kun carefully. It didn’t look like he was faking.
If he was pretending to be drunk just to confess, making such a big scene, how badly did he not want to break up?
Shen Jin didn’t refuse outright.
This was the best outcome Qian Kun had dared to imagine today, his single thread of hope.
His clenched fists loosened slightly.
Qian Kun was quieter and deeper than usual. The Alpha pressure in the cramped space was oppressive as he asked, “If I’m not drunk, you can answer?”
Shen Jin had no way to decide in such a short time.
This wasn’t like their engagement, where they used each other as shields. Qian Kun truly wanted his feelings.
Nine years of constant pressure and belittlement from every direction had already taught Shen Jin how to walk out of it, yet it also dulled his need for affection, even left him faintly resistant to it.
Qian Kun broke through that defense in his own way, quiet as spring rain. Shen Jin knew he was close to not being able to hold out anymore.
Shen Jin nodded randomly, his heart in complete chaos.
Qian Kun noticed the necklace that glimmered with a dim shine in the dark. He raised a hand and touched the cat pendant.
His fingers brushed Shen Jin’s skin, making Shen Jin shiver.
“You’re still wearing it...”
Seeing the joy Qian Kun couldn’t hide, Shen Jin turned his head away.
“You said it was for my safety, didn’t you?”
Qian Kun’s eyes lifted at the corners like a fox that had gotten its cheese.
He reined in all his sharpness, then acted like the drunkenness surged again as he slowly sank down.
Softly, with a light sound, his head landed on Shen Jin’s shoulder. His short black hair pricked Shen Jin’s neck, and Shen Jin shifted uneasily.
Qian Kun closed his eyes, like murmuring in a dream.
“Like you...”
“Like you the most...”
His voice was so light, like a string constantly plucking at Shen Jin’s heart.
Qian Kun let out the feelings that had piled up inside him, bit by bit, trying to deliver them in full.
Those threads of sound slipped into Shen Jin’s ears like a current brushing past.
Shen Jin lowered his lashes. A trace of helplessness spilled into his delicate eyes.
“I got it.”
Shen Jin covered his burning ear.
Stop saying it. I got it.
The car’s soundproofing was too good, sealing out the road noise completely. The air-conditioning blew without a sound.
The driver acted as if he’d heard nothing, steady hands on the wheel, wishing for fewer red lights and fewer cars, just so he could get the two young masters in the back home faster.
Listening to someone confess had his face burning red, and he was a grown man. He wanted to go home and cling to his wife for a while.
The driver was a retired soldier. From the first time they met, he’d felt that a young master like Qian Kun was exceptional in looks, presence, and ability. His background was top-tier too. Who in this world was worthy of having him take the initiative? He was the kind of person everyone chased.
Reality matched that guess. Every gathering came with a crowd of young ladies and young masters trailing him.
He didn’t need to do anything. People still revolved around him.
Until a while ago, the driver received a bizarre instruction to repaint an off-road vehicle in a custom pink shade mixed by the young master.
An off-road vehicle was meant for rough terrain and deserts, a beast built for harsh ground. Painting it like that was a brutal test of an Alpha’s heart.
Was that even reasonable?
The young master thought it was.
The driver had believed he’d trained himself into a calm, still-water state.
Now he felt this kind of ambiguous, stirring pull between two boys was the real test.
It was a little exciting. It also made him want to see them pierce the final layer of paper.
All the way there, Shen Jin felt as though a net had been cast around him. He couldn’t avoid it, and he couldn’t break free.
The car drove into the Qian family estate. Shen Jin handed Qian Kun over to the driver.
The driver had barely knocked when the door opened. A gentle voice asked from inside.
A beautiful woman stepped out, wearing loungewear, her long black hair straight.
Liu Manning saw the cool, indifferent boy standing under the streetlight at a distance, then smiled slightly.
Shen Jin’s heart skipped. She felt familiar. He didn’t usually follow celebrities, so if she looked familiar, she had to be well-known.
On the way back, he saw a giant screen on a tall building playing a perfume advertisement. Red lips like flame, a black fishtail dress scattered among petals, beautiful enough to steal breath.
Shen Jin finally understood where Qian Kun’s unfair looks came from, including those captivating, upturned phoenix eyes.
Shen Jin remembered that, when Hates Rabbit first marked him, the voice had sounded different from usual.
Liu Manning was famous for voice work. With his access to that world, having a way to change his voice line suddenly had a reasonable explanation.
Liu Manning helped her son inside. After the door closed, she smiled at him.
“You brat, still putting on an act with me. Who was it at the dinner earlier that said he wouldn’t drink before he was an adult?” He used that excuse to reject countless approaches, and Liu Manning tore through his actor-level performance without mercy.
Liu Manning clicked her tongue. “I had you practice lines with me back then for a reason, not so you could fool your crush.”
Qian Kun stood up, clear-eyed almost instantly. He smoothed his hair, then smiled helplessly. “I can’t hide it from you.”
“You set up a whole situation like that. Was it for a confession?”
Qian Kun’s expression paused.
“Did it work?”
“...Not yet. I’m planning to find another chance and say it properly.”
Liu Manning said teasingly, “Oh, is that so.”
She saw the faint tension in his eyes and the instability in his pheromones. She knew he was forcing himself to suppress an emotional surge.
Qian Kun’s mental strength was high. He could control his pheromones freely, so pretending to be a Beta came off almost flawlessly.
Only two things could shake him this hard. One was the eruption period close to adulthood. The other was a thorny problem he couldn’t solve.
Her son had never cared much about anything since he was little. Everything came easily, which shaped him into someone who didn’t pay attention to most things. Lately, Liu Manning had watched him suffer setback after setback. At first it was quite satisfying, but now she felt a bit sympathetic.
Qian Kun glanced at her. “If I can entertain you, it’s my honor as your son.”
He reeked of alcohol and felt sticky and uncomfortable. He went upstairs.
“Isn’t your birthday in a few days? Bring him over,” Liu Manning called after him.
“You’re not getting the acting itch and wanting to play some evil mother-in-law, are you?”
“Am I that bored?”
“...”
What kind of look is that?
Are we actually related by blood?
Shen Jin, you should keep refusing. Mother-in-law supports you.
*
After the midterms came autumn break right away.
Shen Jin finally breathed easier. At least he didn’t have to face his roommate for the next few days.
They slipped back into the state they had been in before anything was said. One difference remained. They barely spoke for now, each of them aware that this relationship was about to change.
Shen Jin got a little breathing room, enough to curl back into his shell for a while and flop into a pancake on the couch all day, exactly as he wished.
He started arranging his room the next day. He finally took down all that lace. He was admiring the results when a call came in, the voice belonging to one of Shen Xie’an’s classmates.
The voice on the other end was frantic. Shen Xie’an had suddenly collapsed, and he was already in an ambulance.
Shen Xie’an had been out sketching on a mountain in a small city these past few days. He knew his grades made it nearly impossible to get into Nanhu High School through the normal route.
His mind spun, and he came up with a plan.
He would take a different path and apply as a special talent student, so he signed up for an extracurricular art studio. He had set off for the deep mountains a few days ago.
Shen Jin remembered his brother mentioning that their parents were busy handling the company’s restructuring. Work had piled up, and they’d already flown across the ocean. Coming back quickly wasn’t possible.
Shen Jin had just turned eighteen and hadn’t had time to get his driver’s license yet. The fastest bus wouldn’t leave until afternoon, so he asked Xie Ling to send a car to that city.
When Shen Jin arrived at the hospital, those helpful classmates came to greet him, calling out, “Shen-ge!”
A few were familiar. Many of them had been dragged along by Shen Xie’an into studying art. Shen Jin sometimes tutored them together.
After thanking them, Shen Jin was led to the hospital room.
Shen Xie’an was already lying in the hospital bed, his complexion looking rosy. Shen Jin stroked his brother’s soft hair.
He found the doctor. The doctor had assumed a parent arrived, yet the parents couldn’t come. Sympathy showed in the doctor’s eyes when he looked at Shen Jin, this older brother who seemed to be both sibling and parent.
“Your brother’s situation was caught in time. If it had been any later, things could’ve gone wrong. Temporary shock wouldn’t have been impossible.”
“What illness is it?” Shen Jin tensed up.
“An adolescent special differentiation. Based on his pheromone test results, he’s already differentiated into an Alpha. He’s stable now. One more day of observation, and if there’s no issue, you can take him home.”
Shen Jin’s eyes widened. “He didn’t show any signs before.”
The doctor asked, “Has he been more irritable than usual, or quick to anger?”
Shen Jin thought back carefully. “He told me that his bones hurt at night these past few days. He has been easier to set off too.”
Shen Jin had experienced leg bone pain when he grew taller before, so he’d assumed Shen Xie’an was just hitting a growth spurt.
“That’s it. Those are signs.”
Shen Jin asked, “Isn’t differentiation supposed to be rare? My brother and I both differentiated.”
The doctor observed Shen Jin, then handed him the report. “Your family might carry a differentiation gene. If one of the parents, or someone further up the line, differentiated before, the gene can be passed down to you.”
Shen Jin remembered that his mother, Xie Yan, had differentiated.
“He differentiated in just one day?”
“Cases like that exist. It means his constitution is well-suited to differentiating as an Alpha.”
“A differentiation that takes months is normal too?” Shen Jin couldn’t help thinking about his own long stretch of months.
“People with especially high rank or special constitutions can have a lot of complications during differentiation, including a very long differentiation period.”
“Your brother is lucky. He only took one day.”
One day from start to finish, and he had to accept an Alpha little brother?
Shen Jin felt differentiation was hard for most people to accept, especially when someone originally delicate as an Omega became an Alpha.
He worried it would shock Shen Xie’an.
How was he supposed to tell him?
There were three beds in Shen Xie’an’s ward. An elderly Alpha occupied another one. He watched Shen Jin check the IV, then moisten his brother’s lips with a cotton swab, then go ask the doctor for medication, all while Shen Jin himself hadn’t eaten anything and night had already fallen.
The old man told him to go downstairs and eat first. He said they would keep an eye on Shen Xie’an.
Shen Jin thanked him and went to buy food downstairs, then bought a bowl of plain congee and a bag of fruit candy his brother liked.
During that time, Shen Xie’an woke once. He looked energetic enough, then said gloomily, “Ge, I made you worry again. I saw a Hope Primary School up on the mountain. The kids there couldn’t play ball, so I taught them a bit. I didn’t expect to faint.”
“Do you still have the strength to eat?”
“Yeah. It was just an accident. I’ll be discharged soon!”
Shen Xie’an hurt all over and felt sleepy. He only wanted to sleep.
He didn’t notice the heavy look on Shen Jin’s face. After taking his medicine, drowsiness rolled in again, and he fell asleep once more.
Looking at his brother’s handsome profile, Shen Jin sighed with worry.
Shen Jin stayed until the final IV finished. He left only a small night light on and dozed in the caregiver’s chair.
He didn’t know how much time passed. A gentle pat landed on his shoulder, and Shen Jin jolted awake.
He opened his eyes and checked his brother first. Shen Xie’an was sleeping deeply, looking like his sleep quality was excellent.
Only then did Shen Jin turn around and meet a pair of warm, worried eyes.
Shen Jin said, “Huai-ge?”
Ke Minghuai nodded. “How’s Xiao An?”
They went out into the corridor. Shen Jin gave a simple summary, then asked, “How did you find out?”
“His classmate has had my number. They called you, then called me.”
Shen Jin nodded. Shen Xie’an had always treated Ke Minghuai as a brother-in-law, part of the family.
After they finished talking about Shen Xie’an, silence fell between them. Ever since Shen Jin said those things outside the sports field, Ke Minghuai hadn’t bothered him again.
“Thanks for coming. Xiao An’s fine. He’ll be discharged soon.”
“I’ll stay with you. You look exhausted.” Ke Minghuai rested a hand on Shen Jin’s shoulder, his voice gentle and rich. “Xiao An is my brother too. By feelings and by reason, I can’t leave at a time like this.”
Shen Jin stepped back, slipping away from that hand.
“No need. Since the engagement is off, it’s better we don’t get close again. It could affect your reputation.” Shen Jin refused politely. “Did you drive here yourself?”
Ke Minghuai’s brows furrowed tightly, feeling his heart aching faintly.
It felt like a massive stone pressed on his chest, heavy enough to steal his breath.
He didn’t have a heart condition.
He knew it was the distance in front of him.
“Mm.”
“I’ll walk you down.”
*
Qian Kun had originally planned to use the excuse of a birthday party invitation to break the stalemate between him and Shen Jin.
Discovering the phone was off, at first he thought it was just out of battery and would wait.
Hours passed. It was still off.
So Qian Kun went straight to the Xie family home. He was lucky he didn’t run into the busy big cousin-in-law. From the butler, he learned Shen Jin had gone to another city because something happened to his brother. Shen Jin rushed over at the last minute, and they didn’t know which hospital.
Qian Kun saw a forecast warning of torrential rain on the expressway. That highway connected several cities. Shen Xie’an had gone to the farthest one, and the drive was long.
The mountain road along the edge had suffered a landslide recently. Repairs were still ongoing.
He was almost frantic, continuously making calls while rushing to that city at top speed.
He had barely arrived when heavy rain fell outside, lightning and thunder ripping through the sky and cutting off multiple lines. Several areas on the road lost power, and communications were affected too.
Qian Kun questioned everyone he could reach. No one had the Shen brothers’ names.
He found the remaining five hospitals he still couldn’t confirm and decided to check them one by one.
When he got out of the car, a bodyguard opened an umbrella for him. He hated the wasted time and strode into the rain instead.
*
On the other side, Shen Jin prepared to see Ke Minghuai to his car.
Neither of them spoke.
Once they got downstairs, Shen Jin realized it was already pouring. Cold air swallowed everything around them.
Shen Jin bought an umbrella for Ke Minghuai from the ground-floor shop. The moment he handed it over, Ke Minghuai caught his wrist.
“Try again with me, okay? I’ll change everything you don’t like. Don’t end it. Please.” Ke Minghuai had almost never spoken this humbly. This was his limit.
After he went back that day, he remembered a lot.
Little by little, across all those years, he saw more and more of what he had neglected.
For Shen Jin, the engagement had never been something happy. Everyone pushed him forward, forcing him to adapt, to accommodate Ke Minghuai and the family behind him.
Shen Jin looked at the wrist being held. Ke Minghuai slowly let go.
Shen Jin’s expression was terrifyingly calm. “You just can’t stand being rejected. You feel unwilling to accept it. Huai-ge, we never began. How can there be an ending?”
“Xiao Jin, don’t be so cruel.”
“From the start, it was a transaction where we used each other as shields. Now it’s simply returning to the beginning.”
Ke Minghuai pulled him into a hard embrace.
During their engagement, Ke Minghuai had never truly held him. Now that Shen Jin was back in his arms, Ke Minghuai finally understood the satisfaction flooding his chest, almost enough to make him cry.
“It was never a shield!” That was only an excuse.
It was an excuse I used to convince myself, then I realized I was wrong. It was an excuse I used to convince you.
Ke Minghuai looked slim, yet he lacked none of an Alpha’s explosive strength. Shen Jin couldn’t even break free for a moment.
Shen Jin suddenly saw a pink off-road vehicle parked not far away in the storm.
“!”
His eyelid twitched hard. He leaned close to Ke Minghuai’s ear.
He spoke softly. “When you agreed to get engaged to me in the first place, it was to monitor me, wasn’t it?”
Ke Minghuai froze, his face turning pale.
This was the thing he least wanted Shen Jin to know.
The shock was too great. His arms loosened.
“You...when did you know?”
“Three days after the engagement. A staff member came to find you and said my pheromone level was too high and dangerous, that I needed a suitable Alpha to monitor my condition and report if anything was abnormal. You love researching pheromones, so it was two birds with one stone for you.” Shen Jin’s voice stayed steady. “You thought I was asleep upstairs. I was awake.”
“You heard every word?” Ke Minghuai still tried to find a place to cling to. He remembered his final lines had been cold and inhuman.
“Yeah.” Shen Jin nodded.
All these years, you’ve known?
How did you live through it?
Shen Jin finally slipped free. He didn’t spare Ke Minghuai another glance and ran straight into the rain.
Qian Kun saw it from inside the car and got out immediately. He held an umbrella and met him head-on, covering him under the canopy.
Qian Kun looked expressionlessly at the clear droplets clinging to Shen Jin’s hair and scolded lightly, “It’s pouring. Why are you running?”
Shen Jin looked at the big boy in front of him, soaked and disheveled, and a sour ache surged up in his throat.
He smiled a little.
“What about you? Why did you come?”
While asking at the second hospital, Qian Kun finally snapped out of his panic and remembered the necklace he’d given Shen Jin. As long as tracking was turned on in the backend, he could see the location.
Shen Jin had kept it on.
Qian Kun lowered his eyes. His usual lazy smile was gone. Silence clung to him.
He took Shen Jin’s wrist and pressed it to his own chest.
“It hurts.”
Those words struck, neither heavy nor light.
Shen Jin knew exactly why. He pulled out a piece of candy from his pocket, something he’d bought to coax Shen Xie’an but hadn’t used.
He peeled the wrapper and set it against Qian Kun’s lips.
“So now, is it sweet?”
Qian Kun reacted almost on instinct. He drew the candy in, then his tongue brushed against that slender, pale finger.
Author’s Note:
I deleted and rewrote this chapter so many times. This version is my favorite!!!
The monitoring plot was mentioned in earlier chapters, so I won’t expand on it here.
IsitRo: This part: Liu Manning was famous for voice work. With his access to that world, having a way to change his voice line suddenly had a reasonable explanation.
I’ve questioned it before, like how come Shen Jin didn’t notice Qian Kun's voice when they literally spent so much time together, so it might be this. I see I see, no matter how flimsy, at least it was explained. :>
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