013: A Drunk Little Cat Goes Fer fer fer
Sang Zhao honestly thought he’d misheard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, confused.
He glanced out the window to check the weather, then frowned. “It’s not even spring. Why’re we talking about that?”
He must’ve misunderstood somewhere. As far as he knew, uncle and aunt were a pair. So if Tang Yu wanted to be the aunt… what exactly did that mean?
But wait, Tang Yu also bought him all those strawberry snow ice drinks… was he trying to raise him?
But he wasn’t a cat anymore. He couldn’t have a “pet owner” now, only a lover could take care of him.
So what was Tang Yu trying to do?
Was he planning to date him and then… have little kittens together??
“You’re sure that’s what he said?” Sang Zhao asked again, still unconvinced.
Good question.
The problem was: Xia Moye wasn’t sure at all. His “summary” of what happened was… well, a summary, not a guarantee.
Now that Sang Zhao questioned him, he started doubting himself too.
“Hmm… maybe he didn’t exactly say he wanted to be my aunt…”
And suddenly, Xia Moye brightened.
“Oh! I get it! If he wants to be my aunt, doesn’t that mean he wants to be your wife?”
He clapped his little hands. “That’s great! Amazing! When you get married, can I be the dog that brings the rings?”
Sang Zhao almost jumped straight up.
“What marriage?? Who said anything about marriage? You must have some giant dog courage to talk nonsense like that! He’s my big boss! Why would a big boss marry a little orange cat?!”
He thought for a moment and shook his head firmly.
Humans living their normal human lives wouldn’t suddenly decide to marry a cat.
Impossible! Zero chance!
He didn’t buy it and if he didn’t buy it, Xia Moye definitely wasn’t allowed to.
He glared at him. “You must’ve heard wrong! Those big, round dog ears of yours, can you even hear accurately?”
To be honest, Xia Moye really hadn’t been very sure to begin with.
Now that Sang Zhao snapped at him, he was absolutely sure he’d heard wrong.
True… Tang Yu probably didn’t mean that.
After all, who would want to marry a fierce little orange cat?
A mystery.
A mystery that didn’t matter anymore.
“Anyway! Forget that! Let’s go eat pizza!”
Sure enough, his originally-happy little orange cat was now sulking. Quick, feed him pizza to revive his mood!
But the moment they arrived at the Samoyed’s apartment, Sang Zhao stopped sulking. His brain emptied out in shock.
Wow.
There were so many dog beds.
Left side of the entrance? A bamboo cooling dog bed. Right side? A dog-bed sofa.
Straight ahead? Fluffy sponge dog beds. Further in? More dog mats scattered everywhere.
Walking required tiptoeing to avoid stepping on a dog bed.
“This interior design style is… something,” he muttered.
Xia Moye wasn’t neat, but he was enthusiastic about hosting guests.
He shoved his butt in the air while digging through the snack cabinet, piling all the good snacks in front of Sang Zhao. Then he stepped onto a chair and dug through the hanging cupboards for nuts.
Sang Zhao followed behind, worried. “You’re not gonna fall, right?”
Because if he fell, wouldn’t he knock even more sense out of himself??
But no, he managed.
Once the snacks were arranged, Xia Moye went to the freezer and took out two twelve-inch frozen pizzas. Tomato meat sauce with shrimp.
He shoved them into the oven. “No need to thaw! Just bake them! They’re super good! I’ve eaten them so many times and still love them!”
“Frozen food isn’t super healthy, but we’re a dog and a cat! We’re yaoguai! Totally fine!”
He sounded very pleased with himself. He then grabbed two cold beers, one for Sang Zhao, one for himself.
A cat and a dog, in a yaoguai apartment, cracking open beer cans together.
The hiss of carbonation escaped the cans and the oven hummed as the pizza baked inside.
Outside, the sky darkened, and the distant buildings lit up one by one like scattered stars.
The air conditioner kept the room cool, comfortable, and quiet.
Sang Zhao took a sip of the cold beer. The foam was dense, the flavor slightly bitter but refreshing, with a faint malt taste kind of like catnip.
It slid down smoothly, leaving a cool, clean aftertaste in his chest.
He held the can, suddenly feeling more… adult.
So this was the flavor of human adulthood. Not something he was used to, but definitely thirst-quenching. The day’s exhaustion melted a little.
The beer was just okay, but the pizza? Heavenly.
He tore off a slice and took a bite.
The cheese did not break.
It stretched… and stretched… and stretched some more.
He leaned back and tugged the slice forward, the cheese strands got even longer.
The crust wasn’t dry, and it had mashed sweet potato inside. Soft, warm sweet potato. Rich tomato sauce and loads of meat. Huge shrimp specifically.
So many flavors layered together. After one slice, his head felt dizzy with happiness, like stars were wrestling in front of his eyes.
Even Xia Moye suddenly looked less annoying. Almost cute.
“It’s so good!”
“Right?? Pizza is the light of the world!”
They ate pizza and beer, then snacks, chips, nuts, cookies.
The Samoyed had already been human for two months, so he’d tried lots of foods. However, Sang Zhao had been human for only a few days. Everything was new.
So naturally, chips were delicious, cookies were delicious, shrimp crackers were delicious!
After two cans of beer, Sang Zhao was a little tipsy.
He plopped into one of the dog beds, hung his head, and mumbled, “I’m under so much pressure.”
Xia Moye sniffled sympathetically. “Me too… elementary school’s so tiring… what am I gonna do when I hit middle school and high school…”
“I can’t read all the characters… every day in the office I look around nervously, terrified someone will ask me to write a report or make a spreadsheet…”
“It took me forty minutes to do one word problem and I somehow calculated that the grandpa was five centimeters tall… I wanna go make screws or pull a sled again…”
“I don’t know how to make spreadsheets… I only learned how to type the words ‘word’ and ‘excel’ yesterday… and I used to sleep on keyboards…”
“Can Teacher Bian take exams for me…”
Neither of them got fully drunk, but they definitely started acting like a chaotic cat and dog.
They ate, drank, complained, then turned back into a cat and a dog and picked two dog beds at random to sleep in.
Before falling asleep, Sang Zhao forgot one important thing:
The dog didn’t have school tomorrow.
After the parent-teacher meeting, he was already on summer break, but the cat still had work in the morning…
When his alarm dragged him out of sleep, his head felt stuffed with cotton.
He stared blankly at his phone. 8 a.m.
And because he’d been too happy last night, he’d forgotten to charge it. The battery was at 8%, glowing bright red like it was yelling at him.
He looked around the room and spotted the fluffy white cotton ball sleeping soundly in a dog bed by the window.
He walked over, bent down, reached out and yanked the entire dog bed out from under him.
The dog crashed down with a thump.
Half-asleep, he muttered, “Huh… earthquake?”
“If an earthquake happened, you’d just roll over and die,” Sang Zhao said, exhausted.
He crossed his arms, red-eyed and envious. “You don’t have work. You can sleep until afternoon…”
The fluffball rolled over, looking like a cotton ball that had flopped.
He raised a paw lazily. “Go to work, kitty.”
Sang Zhao squinted at him in disbelief.
The face of someone silently accusing him of having no conscience.
But Samoyeds do have conscience. His conscience was alive and bouncing.
“I’ll make dinner for you at home,” he promised. “When kitty comes back, kitty will eat.”
Well… good! Alright!
He couldn’t escape work. Thus, he dragged himself up and left.
But with a hangover and a late start, he barely made it to the office on time.
His body was at his desk, but his soul was still back in the dog’s apartment.
He didn’t even want coffee. He got a cup of ice water and downed it, then slumped in his chair.
He worked in the secretary department, assisting Tang Yu.
Everyone there served him. Recently, they were busy preparing for a major academic cooperation conference, arranging his schedule, speech notes, etc.
It was a big event, but their company wasn’t the main attraction, so it wasn’t too stressful.
They could still chat while working, especially after someone from PR came over.
They started talking about online rumors and crises.
The PR staff were used to handling gossip and misinformation. Sang Zhao listened with wide eyes like he was hearing legendary war stories.
“Some paid commenters have really ridiculous scripts, but they work. Nothing like the business warfare in novels or TV shows.”
“Oh yeah, remember when rumors spread saying people shouldn’t partner with our company because our CEO was Japanese? Even Tang Yu was speechless. Who comes up with this stuff? Might as well try stealing our company seal next!”
“Don’t be fooled by how calm Tang Yu looks now. Back in college when he first started his business, whenever he saw negative comments online, he’d shake with anger.”
Sang Zhao listened quietly. He couldn’t join in since he hadn’t been human long enough to experience human society’s chaos.
But An Ti Hu, who’d been in the secretary department for two or three years, talked more the more excited she got.
“Honestly, Tang Yu shouldn’t even look at online comments. The PR team has to read them because it’s their job. If he reads them, he gets too into it and gets irritated.”
She got so into her story she started gesturing dramatically.
“None of those rumors online are real! I remember once there were posts everywhere saying I liked eating coworkers. Hahahahaha… haha… ha…”
She kept laughing… then slowly stopped laughing.
Sang Zhao blinked.
Eat… what?
Eat coworkers??
Eat him?? The little kitty??
Uh… sis, what path are you walking here?
When you did a handstand with an umbrella with your feet, was that because you’d eaten too many coworkers?!
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