Chapter 48 — Do Not Call It Even
Yu Fan’s back jolted, nerves pulling tight and hammering.
His mind went blank for a few seconds. He moved on instinct, palms braced to shove Chen Jingshen away, trying to push off the wall.
The hand hooked around his neck tightened again. Chen slid a knee over to the other side, half kneeling as he pinned Yu Fan back, the back of Yu Fan’s head forced to the wall while the kiss turned fiercer. All the blood in Yu Fan’s body swarmed his skull. His scalp throbbed. He could feel the tip of Chen’s tongue sweep over the cut inside his mouth, then tangle with his, sour and stinging.
His scalp actually hurt a little, yet that held-down ache made his whole body go weak. The hands that had been pushing at Chen slowly lost strength and finally clenched hard in Chen’s shirt. He was sitting on the floor, but it felt like he could drop into a bottomless dark pit at any moment.
The cicadas were strangely quiet, the old complex dead still. It seemed like the whole world had narrowed to the sound of their breathing and the scrape of their mouths.
Chen kissed rough. Do people always kiss like this? When Zhu Xu kissed his girlfriend in the hallway it had not sounded this intense. Yu Fan’s eyes drooped half shut as the dazed thought drifted by.
The second that thought flashed, the hand at his throat loosened. Chen let go, planted a palm beside him, and slowly released Yu Fan’s hair. His fingertips massaged Yu Fan’s scalp bit by bit, and the way he kissed gentled. Chen rubbed Yu Fan’s lips, then his tongue, a close, unhurried series of kisses. The motions were light, yet Yu Fan’s body was tenser than before.
Chen must have brushed his teeth. Yu Fan tasted mint. The mint was cool, his whole body burned.
At first he still panted fast, but later he could only hold his breath without realizing it, head tipped back as he kissed Chen back, brain going buzzy. For a moment he even felt like he would drown, die in front of Chen Jingshen, die in Chen Jingshen’s mouth.
Chen finally let him go and Yu Fan surfaced like from water, dragging in short, harsh breaths.
The aged bulb overhead flickered. The pallor and ash on Yu Fan’s face bled away. His cheeks looked ready to drip, his eyes hazy and unfocused, lids lowered as he stayed there for a long time, unable to collect himself.
Chen lifted a hand and wiped the corner of his mouth.
Yu Fan’s tongue tingled. Only then did he remember to unclench his grip on Chen’s shirt. He swatted at Chen’s hand when it came back, but he had no strength and did not knock it away.
His eyes were still very red, not the same kind of red they had been when Chen walked in.
“Did I f***king give you permission to kiss me?” Yu Fan grit out, tilting his head. The last few words went small and slow when he actually looked at Chen’s face.
Chen’s expression barely moved. Only that pair of usually cool, controlled eyes held something more, a hint of muddled heat, and his ears and cheekbones had, against all odds, some color.
“I did not give you permission either.” Chen finished wiping Yu Fan’s mouth, and his voice had a rasp.
Yu Fan: “…”
He replayed the blur and realized he had, in fact, kissed Chen first.
He had been exhausted, every organ on strike. When he saw Chen standing there so clean, only one sentence from Yu Kaiming buzzed through his head on repeat.
He thought Yu Kaiming was right… He had always thought Yu Kaiming was right.
He loathed Yu Kaiming, and still, in certain ways, they were the same kind of person.
Both of them used violence to solve things, since they were young. Back then Yu Kaiming did not hit him that often; most of it landed on someone else. Even so, every time Yu Kaiming lifted a stick, Yu Fan would grit his teeth and go at him, even knowing fighting back meant getting beaten worse.
Once, it got bad enough the police came. The community workers talked for a long time before the officers believed that Yu Kaiming had started it, because they rarely saw a domestic abuser who was more injured than the victim.
After that, the community office gave Yu Fan the address of a counselor.
He never went.
He knew he had problems. That was why he rejected anyone who showed him affection, including Chen Jingshen.
But just now, when Chen Jingshen had stood in front of him, clean and untouched, a thought flashed through his head: he wanted to smear Chen with blood.
People are contradictory. He wanted Chen to leave, and he wanted Chen to stay.
Fingers caught his jaw and lifted. Chen’s gaze skimmed his neck, making sure he had not pushed a wound, then asked again, “Where is he?”
“Ran,” Yu Fan said, dazed as he finally came back to himself. Only then did he ask, “How did you come here?”
“The voice message you sent, the last few seconds sounded wrong.” Chen asked again, “Can you move?”
“Yeah.”
They were too close. Feeling Chen’s breath, Yu Fan’s throat tightened. He turned his eyes away and said flatly, “If you do not let go, I will bite you.”
Chen Jingshen let go. Yu Fan planted a palm to push himself up, and a hand slid around his waist. With one arm, Chen lifted him.
Yu Fan had not even processed it before Chen released him.
“Do you want to change clothes?” Chen asked.
Yu Fan’s face was still red. He raked a hand through his messy hair. “Change for what?”
“The hospital.”
“No.” Yu Fan did not even think about it. “Disinfect it, slap on some ointment.”
Chen nodded. “Then I will call an ambulance.”
“?”
Yu Fan really did not think a hospital was necessary. This was not the worst fight he had ever had with Yu Kaiming, and his father had been drinking, so he had no real strength. The cuts looked bad but they were all skin deep.
“Tch.” He tossed out, “Got it, I will go in a bit. You, go home.”
“I will go with you.”
“?” Yu Fan frowned. “Do you not faint at needles?”
Chen thought for a moment. “When you get the shot, I will close my eyes.”
“…”
They stared each other down. Chen, silent, pulled out his phone and tapped.
Yu Fan saw 120 on the screen. He hesitated between pitching Chen’s phone out the window and knocking Chen out cold.
“No need to change. Wait there.” After a long beat, face black as thunder, Yu Fan went to his room. “I will grab my ID.”
He took his ID from the drawer and stuffed it into his pocket. In case Yu Kaiming came back raving, he also pulled the wrinkled love letter he had hidden in the corner, and the “Chen Jingshen” plush, and jammed both under his pillow.
Chen did not fully understand why Yu Fan had said there was no need to change until they reached the hospital.
The late-night ER corridor was packed. Most were minor car accidents or fresh off a fight, the scene was rough, a few barefoot. Yu Fan standing among them did not stand out at all.
The injuries were just what Yu Fan expected, many but not deep, a lot of bruising, no need for a tetanus shot.
The nurse disinfected and wrapped him with practiced speed. She glanced up at his face and said earnestly, “Go easy on spicy and irritating foods, no seafood or mushrooms, try to cut back on soy sauce. You are handsome. Scars on the face would be a pity.”
Yu Fan nodded lazily. Who knew if it went in.
She finished quickly.
“This ointment is antibacterial and anti-inflammatory, twice a day.” She lifted her chin, indicating the person behind Yu Fan, then added offhand, “He can use it too.”
Yu Fan blinked. “Why would he need it?”
“His…” The nurse tapped the corner of her own mouth. “Split too.”
“…”
Yu Fan sat there rigidly. He had made a point of sitting in the front seat and cracked the window all the way, letting the wind blast his face the whole ride, barely cooling the heat in his head. Now it was creeping out again, one prickle at a time.
Plastic rustled. Chen hooked a finger through the handles and lifted the bag. “Got it, thank you.”
The hospital’s main entrance was under renovation, so they had to use the back. The back door opened onto a long, dark lane. It was a bit of a walk to the front. The taxi in had felt like nothing, but walking out made the stretch feel endless.
Night wind drifted. The lane was silent. Chen glanced sideways, measuring the few steps between them.
Yu Fan kept his head down, the tops of his ears hot, forcing himself to think of useless things.
Yu Kaiming ran. Yu Fan had been furious and hit hard. There should not be a death, right?
Was Zuo Kuan still puking?
How did Chen Jingshen split his lip? It is not like my mouth grows thorns.
“…”
A bottle of water bumped his arm. Chen had drawn even with him. “Want a drink?”
Yu Fan’s heart jumped. He took it on reflex. He was thirsty. He had not had a sip since before he got home.
He twisted it open and took a haphazard swallow. Cool, clean water slid down, except it tasted faintly of mint.
“…”
Yu Fan shut his eyes and swore in his head, then could not help cutting a glance at the person beside him.
They happened to pass under a streetlight. In the light, Yu Fan noticed something and drew up short, like he had discovered a new continent. “Chen Jingshen.”
Chen looked over. “Hm.”
“Your ears are still red.”
“…”
“You tell me,” Chen said calmly.
Yu Fan felt embarrassed when he was the only one flushed. Realizing Chen blushed too, his mood scattered for no reason.
To cover his still-accelerating heart, he gave a wiseguy scoff. “No need to go that far.”
“I do.” Chen glanced at him. “First time.”
“I also—”
Yu Fan remembered bragging about thirteen girlfriends and swallowed the rest whole.
He pressed his lips together, frowning.
First kiss? Somehow it did not feel like it. Who the hell kisses like that the first time.
“Also what?” Chen asked.
“… Nothing.” Yu Fan yanked his gaze away, jammed both hands into his pockets, the water bottle bulging one of them.
He put on the air of an old hand and drawled, “It is just lips bumping. Not a big deal. You took one, I took one, we can call it even.”
He waited. Nothing from beside him.
Why is he not talking. Did he not get it?
Yu Fan turned his head to check. In that instant, a shadow fell.
He did not even have time to react. Something cool and soft pressed against his mouth.
Chen angled in and gave him a brief, dry kiss, his lowered eyes faintly shining.
“Do not call it even,” Chen said. “I will owe you another.”
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