Chapter 47 — Chen Jingshen, Go Back
They climbed off the drop tower and followed the staff toward the exit.
A crowd had already formed there, a dozen or so people. Balloons and string lights were everywhere, and a banner with a collage of couple photos said someone had planned this carefully.
Sure enough, the guy who had been sitting next to them took a ring box from his friend, dropped to one knee in front of his girlfriend. “Baby, today is our 520th day together…”
“Ugh…”
“I finally worked up the courage to stand here…”
“Ugh—”
“I hope you will marry me. I will—”
“Ugh!!!”
The man could not take it anymore. He turned, face twisted. “Excuse me, can you go gag somewhere else?”
“We’re going, we’re going… hey, do not actually puke. Wait, let me find a bag…” Wang Lu’an grabbed Zuo Kuan by the collar, apologizing as he hauled him away.
They found a quiet corner. Zuo Kuan heaved into a plastic bag while Wang Lu’an patted his back. The other two stood by the flower bed.
“What is wrong with you?”
Yu Fan blinked, like he had just climbed out of some emotion. Two seconds later he turned his head. “What?”
Chen Jingshen kept his gaze on Yu Fan’s face. “You have not said a word since we came down.”
Yu Fan’s fingers tightened on reflex.
It had been ten minutes since the drop. His heart was still racing. His palm, inexplicably damp.
He had felt this before, maybe, but never this bad. When was it…
A warm hand patted his back twice.
Chen Jingshen. “Do you feel sick too?”
It was always when Chen Jingshen touched him.
Sometimes Chen did not even need to touch him. He only had to do a dumb little confession at the phone camera, or crack that infuriating smile, and Yu Fan’s body would react like this.
Weird, unfamiliar, instinctively uncomfortable.
“No.” Yu Fan bent his arm and pushed Chen’s hand away. “I am not that weak.”
It took a while for Zuo Kuan to recover.
After rinsing his mouth and splashing his face, he was still pale. “I am never riding that sh** again in my life.”
“You would not have time even if you wanted to,” Wang Lu’an said, checking his watch. “Night market starts in half an hour. Let’s pick something with a short line.”
“Fine.” Zuo Kuan’s eyes slid to see Chen coming back from a kiosk with a bottle of water. He blurted, “Thanks, stu—”
Chen tapped the bottle against the back of Yu Fan’s hand. Yu Fan glanced at him, took it, twisted it open and drank.
Zuo Kuan: “…”
They wandered through the rides again and ended up between the two they had scorned at first: the happy spinning teacups and the bumper cars.
These were the only two with short lines in the entire park.
The four guys hesitated, faces complicated. Yu Fan stepped forward first. “Come on. Whatever.”
One cup fit four. There was a column in the center. The harder you cranked it, the faster your cup spun.
Most riders were kids with their parents, cups turning lazily, wholesome and calm. Gradually heads started to turn toward the tornado in the middle of the floor, shock written on every face.
“If you are a man, do not stop!” Wang Lu’an cranked like a madman.
“Come on then. Who is scared of who. Watch me spin you into orbit!” Zuo Kuan refused to lose, face flushing from the effort.
Idiots.
Arms folded, expression flat, Yu Fan debated kicking them both out of the cup.
“Faster. Are you even trying, Wang Lu—ugh!” Zuo Kuan retched again.
Yu Fan was not prepared. He whipped his body to the side and slammed into the person next to him.
The cup was spinning too hard. He swayed, off balance. Before he could react, Chen Jingshen reached from behind and wrapped him up.
Chen’s hand clamped his shoulder. His forearm pressed against Yu Fan’s neck. Yu Fan was locked firmly into his seat.
Wang Lu’an immediately stopped. “F***, you losing and puking now? Play the game or do not play. I am done.”
“I did not puke!” Zuo Kuan howled.
Yu Fan snapped awake. He was about to pull free when Chen let go first.
The bumper cars were doubles too. One person steered, the other kept their foot on the pedal.
Wang Lu’an and Zuo Kuan teamed up and steamrolled every kid on the floor, then set their sights on their other two brothers.
Yu Fan had no mood to play at first. After they rammed him twice, his brain had only one thought left: flip their car and shove it out the park gates.
He slammed the pedal. “Left. Left—can you not drive? Give me that.”
He lunged over, ripped the wheel from Chen’s hands, spun the car, gunned it and nailed Wang Lu’an’s car head-on.
After three exchanges, even Zuo Kuan cracked. “Stop running. Hit them. Mutual destruction!”
Wang Lu’an: “That is exactly what I wanted!!”
The two fastest cars met in the middle and smashed together. Everyone saw stars. Yu Fan was laughing so hard his head went fuzzy. He pitched forward and thudded into Chen Jingshen’s chest. A second later, a hand pressed down on his head.
Chen cupped the back of his head, folded him in, and his voice was unavoidably laughing. “Does it hurt?”
“…”
Half an hour later, they left the kiddie zone and Yu Fan’s heart was still pounding like crazy.
What the hell.
By the time they came out it was almost time. They headed to the night market to rendezvous with Zhang Xianjing and the others.
The night market was the park’s signature. It was just a street, really, the park cleared it out, hung light strings and balloons, lined both sides with snack stalls and mini games, then called it a vibe.
The games were few and childish. They were tired anyway, so the guys were not that interested.
Zhang Xianjing loved the vibe. She took a ton of photos.
“Hey, a photo booth for sticker pics,” she said, hooking Ke Ting’s arm. “Ting-bao, let’s do a set.”
Ke Ting pushed up her heavy glasses and said softly, “Okay.”
Before going in, Zhang Xianjing remembered something and handed her camera to Yu Fan.
Yu Fan frowned. “Why.”
“You have nothing to do anyway. Take a few shots of the scenery for me.”
“I do not—”
She shoved it into his hands. “You are tall, so get lots of the Ferris wheel.” Then she dragged Ke Ting into the booth.
Yu Fan: “…”
He had never used a camera like this. He held it, frowning, prodding for a long time without figuring it out.
He was about to give up when a hand reached over and tapped a button. “This is for photos,” Chen Jingshen said. “This is for video.”
“… Got it.” Yu Fan answered as he scooted a little, putting more space between them.
He could not stand being too close to Chen right now.
Chen flicked his eyes at him and said nothing.
After a bit, Wang Lu’an and Zuo Kuan got their energy back, tossed out a random bet and ran off to the basketball machines.
Yu Fan stood aside, bored, snapping whatever.
He turned slowly, searching for something to shoot, and spotted a row of candy-colored claw machines.
Nothing special about claw machines. But one of them was stuffed with dog plushies.
Dobermans, tongues out, with a corny red heart on their heads that said LOVE in white.
Maybe all Dobermans look the same.
Anyway, the plush looked exactly as ugly as the one at Chen Jingshen’s house.
Yu Fan criticized it in his mind without changing his face, then raised the camera and took a shot.
The picture snapped. When the screen returned to live view, someone was already standing at that machine.
He watched Chen drop a coin, work the joystick, lower the claw, and lift the dog out as easy as breathing.
A girl who had stood there for ten minutes without catching a thing stared at him, stunned and envious.
Chen bent to take the plush out, pinched it in his hand and looked at it coolly for a second.
He probably thought it looked like Fan… like his dog.
Yu Fan unexpectedly wanted to laugh.
He lifted the camera to take another picture, but in the screen he saw Chen turn, scan the crowd, and stop exactly where Yu Fan was.
A second later, Chen walked over.
Yu Fan had the camera up, still reacting late when Chen was already in front of him.
The night market glowed, people streamed past, stall owners hawked from both sides, tourists brushed shoulders. Behind Yu Fan, Wang Lu’an and Zuo Kuan were bickering loudly.
A plush dog was pushed into his hands.
“Stop staring,” Chen said. “I got it for you.”
To avoid the traffic jam, they left half an hour before closing.
No buses ran at that hour, so Yu Fan flagged a cab too.
On the way back, the class group chat was on fire.
Wang Lu’an was roasting Zuo Kuan’s worst moments. Zuo Kuan replied with seven 60 second voice messages, every one packed with cursing.
Yu Fan listened to each in turn, the corners of his mouth tugging up when it got funny. While he laughed, his eyes drifted to the plush in his hands.
It sat upright, face dopey. The longer he looked, the uglier it got.
He stared at it for a moment, poked its nose, and muttered, “From now on, your name is Chen Jingshen.”
The driver’s head jerked up. His eyes in the rearview mirror were strange.
Yu Fan: “…”
F***.
Am I insane?
He flipped the plush over and, face blank, went back to the group chatter.
He reached his building just as a video from Chen Jingshen came in. Three minutes long.
The old complex was silent. Yu Fan turned his volume way down before he tapped play.
Three minutes of Fanfan’s solo.
In the video, Chen Jingshen held a tug rope and teased his dog without a word. Fanfan whined and woofed for the entire three minutes.
Only in the last few seconds did Chen ask, cool as ever, “Does it look like the plush?”
By the time the video ended, Yu Fan was at his door.
He fished out his key, pressed the voice button and spoke. “A little. Can you send me fewer videos of that thing, it is really—”
He pushed the door open and froze solid.
“Yu Kaiming. What are you doing.” When he spoke again, his voice was colder than ice.
He had been watching the video so closely he had not noticed the lights on.
Now his father’s bedroom door, which should have been locked tight, gaped open. Yu Kaiming sat at Yu Fan’s desk. Twisted paperclips lay scattered. A padlock had just been removed.
He was holding a pink envelope from the drawer. When he saw Yu Fan, he blinked.
What the hell? Why did Yu Fan come back suddenly? If the little punk wasn’t home past midnight, he usually stayed up all night at the net cafe.
“Why are you back?” Yu Kaiming forced a smile. “Dad ran into something, needs money. The money your grandpa and your mom left, there is still some, right?”
“You even get love letters, huh. When I was your age—”
Yu Fan grabbed the long-unused fish tank from the shoe cabinet and hurled it.
Yu Kaiming barely dodged. The tank sliced past his face and exploded on the floor with a deafening crash.
Yu Fan’s fingers slackened. His phone clattered aside.
The old building erupted. Glass shattering, blows thudding, insults flying.
Windows lit one after another. More than a few neighbors checked their doors and deadbolts.
Yu Fan had a fistful of his father’s hair and drove a kick into his gut. Yu Kaiming cried out, swung back and slapped him. The nail of his little finger cut a line of blood across Yu Fan’s face.
Yu Fan did not seem to feel it. He slammed the man into the wall.
“That is my old man’s, my wife’s money. Who gave you the right to hoard it for yourself, you motherf****! F***!”
Yu Kaiming’s mouth never stopped. Filth poured out of him from the first second. “Bast***! Should have shot you on the wall! The day you were born I should have strangled you. You are as cheap as your mother, that b**** ran off—”
Yu Fan pinned him and smashed a fist into his face. Finally he spoke. “I told you. Do not mention her.”
“And what, I cannot call a cheap woman cheap? She was cheap. A bitch who would not behave no matter how I beat her. Ran off with another man. You stand up for her, did she think of you when she ran?”
Yu Kaiming laughed like a lunatic. “You do not hate her? You fight your father instead? You and I are the same f***ing kind. You should be on my side. You think whoever sent you that love letter really likes you? When they see you like this, they will run just like your mother!”
Yu Fan said nothing and punched him again.
Chen Jingshen knew something was wrong the moment he got out of the cab.
The old complex was too quiet. Only one apartment was lit. Every other window was shut tight.
He tightened his grip on his phone and took the stairs two at a time, his footsteps too heavy in the dead stairwell.
Yu Fan’s door was ajar. At the threshold, Chen caught the faint smell of blood.
He drew a long breath and pushed the door.
Wreckage everywhere.
Couch and coffee table, dining chairs, all knocked over. The TV screen was cracked. Shards of glass in different colors glittered on the floor. Not a single corner of the place was intact.
The person he was looking for sat in the corner, completely spent. His white T-shirt was filthy. Cuts marked his face and neck. His eyes were red. He gripped half a snapped broomstick.
When he saw who it was, he let out the last of his strength and tossed the stick aside.
When they see you like this, they will run just like your mother.
Yu Fan looked at him and heard his father’s words again.
Silence. Neither spoke.
After a long moment, Chen picked his way through the debris and crouched in front of him.
“Can you move?” Chen asked.
Yu Fan stared at him with dead eyes. When he spoke, his voice was raw. “Go back.”
Chen ignored that and scanned him for injuries. “Where is he?”
“Chen Jingshen,” Yu Fan repeated, “go back.”
Chen’s face was cold, but not like usual. He worked his breath steady, reached out to help. “If you can move, get up first—”
Before he could finish, his collar was fisted tight. Yu Fan jerked him close. Their noses knocked. Dry lips pressed to his.
Bitter.
Yu Fan pulled back after only a few seconds.
He let go of Chen’s shirt and gave a cold, crooked smile, about to say something when—
Fingers closed on his throat. He was slammed back against the wall before he could think. Chen’s hand plunged into his hair and yanked hard, forcing his chin up. He turned his face and kissed him back.
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