Chapter 27 — Xi Xingling
His gay bestie Qian Xiaozhun: “What now? Are you spiraling again? Xingling, not to be mean, but you have been a mess for a full year. When are you going to find a real job?”
Xi Xingling: “That is not urgent. I am competing right now.” He had been threatened by Han Tianlin to withdraw, but the truth was he had skill and talent. “That is not even why I called. I am actually so happy. Er-Shao might want to get back together with me.”
“Might?” That word was doing a lot of work.
“Mm. Things with his boyfriend are not working out in bed. They are arguing. And his attitude toward me flipped overnight. He even kissed me today in the hospital lounge and said the last person he wants to hurt in this life is me.”
Qian Xiaozhun: “With all due respect, the person who has hurt you most in this life is him. You really believe that crap? Did you forget being kicked out with nothing? Did you forget the time he kicked you and your nose bled all over?”
Xi Xingling: “He has his difficulties. Maybe he dumped me because his partner pressured him. Otherwise how do you explain it? We were perfectly fine the night before, then the next morning he changed.”
He remembered that noon a year ago when he got dumped. He had not fully collapsed afterward, only cried until his eyes were half blind. For him, that counted as strong.
Qian Xiaozhun: “You have got it bad. Use your big butt and think. A rich young master who plays around like that, how much genuine feeling could he possibly have? Even if he does take you back, a year or half a year later he might toss you again. You will be the dog he beckons and waves away.”
Xi Xingling: “If I can be by his side for even half a year, I would fling myself back into the fire. Also, my butt is not big. It is round and perked, thank you.”
Qian Xiaozhun: “Tsk. You little s*ut, you really are shameless. Do not say I did not warn you. A man like Er-Shao is not someone you can have. If you keep dosing yourself on him, it is a dead end. Worse than hard drugs.”
Xi Xingling: “I know all that. But Xiaozhun, he is my first man. I really want to be with him.”
Qian Xiaozhun: “Since you have already decided, why bother asking me? Go wash up and deliver yourself to his door. Dress nicely.” A moment later another message came in: “Do you have money for clothes? If not, I can lend you some.”
Xingling nearly cried. So his friend did care after all. The cold shoulder this past year had only been anger at Xingling for not trying, not some lack of affection.
He took a token amount from his bestie and went straight to a salon.
He told the stylist to give him something handsome, a touch cleaner and more mature than his boyish cut from a year ago.
With his slightly thinner face and that faint melancholy, he now gave off the breeze of a rakehell artist.
For clothes, he ditched the coy boy look for cool-toned, lightly mature, aloof fits. It was not forced. The shift felt like it was rising from inside.
His dewy skin, though, would not bounce back overnight, no matter how many masks he slapped on.
Ever since leaving Li Dong, Xingling had no heart to maintain his backside or his face.
What worried him most now was that his face was not pretty enough, his butt not perky enough. The more he looked in the mirror, the less confidence he had to poach someone’s man.
Getting dumped once had left him deeply self-conscious. At the moment he was dissatisfied with every inch of himself.
“How am I supposed to steal someone away looking like this!”
“Xingling.” Li Dong called just then, his voice warm with concern. “How have the last few days been? Do you have anything you want to tell me?”
Help! Er-Shao had reached out first. What should he do?
Xingling clutched his phone and paced in circles.
Li Dong said, “I do not want to bother you. I only wanted to know whether you still have feelings for me.” If the answer was no, he would quietly step out of Xingling’s life. After all, the original goal was to help him become independent and self-reliant.
Nonsense, of course he still had feelings!
In truth he wanted to throw himself at Li Dong right now and make it up.
But he was scared. The last year had taught him to fear pain. He also remembered what Li Dong once said to him: do not act cheap for anyone.
“I have heard a little about the competition,” Li Dong said. “It was indeed improper on Han’s part, so I want to say, please continue to participate in this competition. The judges will fairly evaluate everyone.”
The gentle voice of a gentleman in the quiet night made Xingling want to cry. His mood was a roller coaster.
“Do not cry. None of that was real,” Li Dong said. “I told you, the last person I want to hurt is you.” Li Dong was actually quite gratified by Xi Xingling’s wariness and change. At least after being dumped, this person hadn’t continued acting cheap in front of Han Yuebai. This was also why Li Dong came back.
How could he be this gentle?
He could not keep this call going. He was about to defect. He wanted to throw himself into Er-Shao’s arms and coo.
“Xingling, still do not want to talk to me?” Li Dong laughed softly, actually delighted by this little temper. “All right. Just make sure you show up for the finals on the 26th. Awards will be announced then. I am confident you will win something good. Okay, bye. Goodnight.”
“Bye… goodnight…” Xingling whispered after he hung up, eyes dazed and sparkling with daydreams.
He pressed his face into the covers and hid.
“So embarrassing. Why am I like this…” Just hearing his voice had sent him flying, brain full of grown-up imagery. Shameless.
Maybe it was because he had not done it in too long. Getting worked up was normal.
He had not even been, well, taking care of himself. He was a little shou. The DIY routine of shut-in boys did not satisfy him at all.
As for using a toy on himself, just thinking about it made him cry. That was even lonelier.
When he wanted to be doted on there was no one to hold him. His midnight dreams were loneliness and cold. What was the point of this delicate body then.
Han’s held its jewelry design competition finals on December 26.
“Ge, I want to present the awards,” Li Dong said.
“One sentence and you bump the original guest,” Han Tianlin said, immaculate in a suit, snow-white smoke curling from the cigar in his fingers. Through the glass in front of them, the finals buzzed beyond. “Why meddle all of a sudden?”
“Ge,” Li Dong said, “he has real talent. If he wins, we should recruit him back to work at Han’s.”
“You are a fickle one,” Han said with a layered smile. He understood his brother’s meaning.
“I am a little fickle,” Li Dong said. “But I never waver with you.”
As long as Han Tianlin stood, he would cling to that thigh.
And if one day Han fell, what then? The answer was obvious. Li Dong never failed those who treated him well. Even then, they would be brothers.
“Look, your little s*ut is here,” Han said, lifting his glass toward the entrance.
A thin figure came in. He was dressed simply and cleanly and seemed much more mature than before.
For a moment Li Dong hardly recognized him. The last time, Xingling’s hair had been a little long and he had looked in rough shape.
Today’s look was low-key, but that outwardly emotional aura was still recognizably his.
“I will go say hi,” Li Dong said. He squeezed his brother’s shoulder with a grin and walked out.
Tall and handsome, Second Young Master of Han’s, he was the focus the second he appeared.
People wanted to come over and flirt. Normally they had no chance. He never mixed in their circles.
Xingling also saw him, dazzling as ever. Watching people fall all over Er-Shao filled him with pride and bitterness both.
Maybe it was fear at the gates. He had come mainly to see Li Dong, but now that he was here he hid in the crowd and did not dare call out.
Li Dong always respected people’s choices. If Xingling did not want to say hello, he would honor that, content to glance from afar.
Green-eyed and grinding his back teeth, Xingling felt himself nearly chew through his molars as the crowd pressed in around Li Dong.
“The inaugural Han’s Cup National Jewelry Design Finals begins now,” the host announced. “Our finalists hail from all over. First up from the capital…”
The finalists came on one by one to present their pieces and design ideas.
As a designer from the capital, Xingling went early.
Compared to his fluid smiles and easy patter before, he was restrained this time, as if holding something back.
From the floor, Li Dong could tell how much he had changed in a year.
He was still outwardly emotional, but there was a clear restraint in his eyes and voice.
That maturity and control made him even more compelling. When he bowed with a small smile, the hall answered with warm applause.
Li Dong raised his hands to clap with a relieved smile, feeling that basic fatherly pride: my boy is growing up.
“Thank you, everyone,” Xingling said. His gaze flickered across Li Dong and his cheeks flushed, a sweet numbness running through his chest.
After that, other designers presented while Xingling sat quietly below, sneaking looks at Er-Shao nearby. His heart would not stop thudding.
“Excuse me, can we switch seats?”
Xingling’s heart vaulted. His blood could not keep up. He forgot how to clap and sat there with his hands up like an idiot.
“Nervous?” Li Dong asked like always.
“Eh? Ah… a little,” Xingling said with fake calm. What he thought was: I am dying. The man I have dreamed of is right beside me. Why am I pretending to be a fairy instead of leaping onto him.
The man had learned to be cool and distant. Li Dong felt another warm surge of relief. This was good. His efforts had not been wasted.
“Let us watch the competition,” he said, and added nothing more.
Xingling suffered. His hungry eyes circled Li Dong and sometimes dropped to unmentionable places. He swallowed. To see and not taste was torture.
“Now for our performers while the judges discuss,” the host announced.
Han’s had the budget to bring in stars. The show rolled on.
Finally it was time for awards. The host beamed. “Please welcome our special presenter, Mr. Han Yubai, to announce the results.”
Applause erupted.
The man beside him stood. Xingling stared, heart aching. Just as Qian Xiaozhun had said, a man this outstanding was not someone he could own.
The gap between them was a canyon. He felt like dust.
“The Han’s Cup third prize goes to Ms. Tang Yuexin. Congratulations,” Li Dong said.
He tore open the next envelope and felt a small breath of relief. Not Xingling’s name. “The second prize goes to Mr. Yuan Gao. Congratulations.”
He opened the last envelope, took one look, and blinked. Also not Xingling.
“The first prize of the inaugural Han’s Cup goes to Ms. Xu Qing.”
A fresh graduate, and likely already privately signed to Han’s.
Li Dong frowned slightly.
He glanced toward Xingling and found the man staring blankly at him. He did not seem to care much about the outcome.
After the ceremony, Li Dong slipped backstage to find Han Tianlin.
“Ge, what was that?” he asked as he opened the door and walked in on Han Tianlin and Han Zhen squared off in heavy silence.
The moment he stepped in, Han Zhen glared. “Han’s is not your playground. Keep disappointing me and I will pretend I never raised you.”
Han Tianlin said at once, “Yubai wants a quiet life. Why not? We do not need him as a workhorse.” That had always been his position and he lived it.
Han Zhen’s voice was cold. “We may not need his labor, but look at what he has done.” First sneaking around with Gu Xichen for a year behind both families’ backs, and now turning a competition into a game for the sake of some gaudy little gay.
“He merely likes men,” Han Tianlin said, casual as ever. He had no interest in men himself but he respected his brother’s orientation.
“Our Han family does not have people like that,” Han Zhen said with another cold glance at Li Dong. “If you do not fix yourself and stop embarrassing me, I will send you abroad. Do whatever you like over there.”
Exile by any other name. It would push Han out of Han’s social circle.
“Ignore him. He is old and stuck in his ways,” Han Tianlin said, slinging an arm around his brother once their father stormed out.
As for the results, what was announced could not be reversed.
“He will never be allowed back at Han’s, will he?” Li Dong said with a wry smile. Xingling was gifted. Again and again he was buried.
He poured himself into his work and never got the nod.
“If you really want to stand up for him, you could start your own company,” Han said. “How about a jewelry house of your own?”
“Better not. My head hurts just thinking about it,” Li Dong said. He did not see himself as that type. His father’s words had also stung.
He did not want his brother to dump a fortune on him. If he failed, the laughs at his expense would be nothing. Wasting someone else’s labor and hopes felt like a crime.
“Do not be unhappy,” Han said softly, steadying him. “Let his words blow past your ears. Eat, play, and be happy.”
Their mother would say the same. With one little brother and youngest son, who else would they spoil?
“Thanks, Ge,” Li Dong said. He did not fight the hug and patted his brother’s back in return.
Out in the hall, only a few staff were cleaning up.
Most designers and guests had already gone.
One figure stood alone, eyes fixed on the backstage area, full of unspoken yearning.
After waiting a long time, the man he’d been anticipating finally appeared in his field of vision.
Han Tianlin and Han Yubai. The brothers were equally tall and striking, the ones everyone chased in the capital.
One had been Xingling’s secret crush. The other had been his only lover and his current torment.
They walked past him chatting, all smiles.
Xingling’s heart shrank and shriveled. He was being tortured by his own unrequited fantasies.
“Hmm?” Li Dong stopped. “Ge, go on ahead. I need to take care of something.”
“Have fun,” Han said with a knowing look. He had seen Xingling already.
“You are still here?” Li Dong stopped before him. “I thought you would have left.”
During the ceremony, when he lost, Xingling had seemed calm. Now his eyes were red as if he might cry at any moment.
“I am sorry about the results,” Li Dong said. In the original, Xingling had been mangled emotionally but had found success. Standing here now, Li Dong was not sure this was the life the man wanted.
“It is okay. I know it is not Er-Shao’s fault. I am just not good enough yet,” Xingling stammered.
All that radiance and playfulness had vanished in a year. He felt like a different person.
If growing up meant suppressing your nature to please others, what was the point, Li Dong thought.
“Did I give you a shadow? You do not want to talk to me or see me?” Li Dong said. “Then this will be the last time I bother you. I will not disturb your life again.”
He took a few steps back and turned to go, and a pair of thin arms grabbed his waist from behind.
Li Dong blinked.
Xingling mustered every scrap of courage he possessed and held the man he loved, his voice trembling but restrained. “This is my last time being shameless with you. If you throw me away again, I will…”
“What will you do?” Li Dong stood still and looked from the corner of his eye. The red-rimmed eyes made him look like a rabbit putting everything on the line.
“I will forget you and find a new boyfriend.”
“Do not even think about it,” Li Dong said, turning around and cradling Xingling’s face. He kissed him. “If you are with me, you will not have the chance to find anyone else.”
Xingling froze, then the crying face bloomed like a flower in the rain. “I am so happy. You are my kryptonite.” He lifted his lips like an offering, pressing himself close and not wanting to separate at all.
In the past, even when Li Dong had meant well, he often acted like he disliked the kid. That was true.
But he had chosen to return, and given a second chance had chosen to return again. He now realized he could not bear to let Xingling go far more than he had thought.
“Do not cry,” he murmured between kisses. “I will treat you well.”
The promise worked like a spell. Xingling cried like a happy fool in his arms. He could not hold back the tears. He did not even think to doubt the promise.
He was exactly that kind of fool who forgot pain once the scar formed. He believed Li Dong with his whole heart.
“Er-Shao, I believe you. I believe you will be good to me,” he said, clinging tightly. “But if you ever do not want me again, please do not hit me. Slaps hurt. Kicks hurt. When I said it did not, I was lying.”
Even Li Dong wanted to cry. Poor little thing.
“I will not leave you. Hear me. Do not ever doubt that.”
“Okay. I will listen to you,” Xingling choked out. Back with the man he loved, he felt giddy and unsure, as if the world might dissolve.
“Let us go to your place,” Li Dong said softly.
Seeing the old apartment where he lived now, Li Dong felt awful and knew he had been right to come back.
A kid this vain and beauty-loving had been living like this for a year.
No one to spoil. No good place to live. No pretty clothes or designer bags. Li Dong’s heart ached.
For others this might not be rock bottom. For Xingling, it was catastrophic.
“It is a mess and tiny. Please do not hate it,” Xingling said, cheeks red as he scurried around to clean.
Oh my God, this pigsty, and he’d brought the Second Young Master up without even thinking!
“Stop fussing. You just got home. You should rest for a bit,” Li Dong said. He pulled out his phone to order food. He did not want to go out. He wanted to stay home with his puffy-eyed, injured little s*ut.
“How annoying, I forgot to buy groceries on the way home just now. Otherwise I could have cooked for you,” Xingling muttered, then tossed down what he was holding and slunk over to stick to him.
“There will be plenty of chances. It is freezing. Forget it for tonight,” Li Dong said gently and bent to kiss that upturned face.
“!!” It was this kind of gentleness. Xi Xingling drunkenly fell toward Li Dong. “I-I… just… came…”
Good grief.
Li Dong discovered that he only needed to comfort him a few times without any technical skill, and this guy could smile very happily. Then he'd forget all unhappy past events and enthusiastically get intimate and act cute with him.
This kind of person, to put it nicely, was optimistic. To put it bluntly, he was carefree.
But his charm and cheerfulness had returned. In probably not too long, he'd return to his past level, always leaving others dumbfounded.
Li Dong stayed with Xi Xingling in the small apartment for a night. The next day, he cleaned up that previous apartment and brought Xi Xingling back.
With Er-Shao gentle and doting again, Xingling, overnight has returned to his wonderful shopping spree lifestyle.
He did not flaunt it, though. Well, except for one Moments post announcing they were back together.
He set the audience to a special list: the very gay socialites who had mocked him.
He held off on telling Qian Xiaozhun, not because he felt uncertain, but because he wanted to settle in for a few days first.
“Xiaozhun, we really got back together. This time it is for real. No more nonsense. I mean it.”
“I do not believe you.”
“Dinner tonight on Er-Shao. Bring your boyfriend. He wants to thank you for taking care of me this past year.”
… Holy sh*t! It was really happening.
So much for low profile. Within days everyone knew.
Gu Xichen said to Han Tianlin, “Are you not going to rein him in?” How could the dignified Second Young Master of the Han family willingly degrade himself to be with a flamboyant socialite?
“As long as he is happy,” Han said. “We work this hard to let the people we care about live as they please.”
Gu had no answer.
He knew too well how indulgent Han was with his brother. He could not compete with that.
The laughingstock of the gay scene did a salted-fish flip and became a little spouse.
Plenty still scoffed. This was just another pastime. Once he got bored, he would toss him.
Someone even changed their nickname to: Did Er-Shao break up with Xi Xingling today?
“You little slut! I am furious. You and your man are the ones who are breaking up,” Xingling fired back. “No wait, I curse you to never have a man and only ever fck yourself.”
All the melons you buy are rotten melons, all the dildos you buy are soft dildos!!! Li Dong collapsed laughing.
He wanted to tell Xingling to ignore the chorus of doom. It was their life. Only they knew whether it was good or bad. The rest had nothing to do with anyone else.
But seeing Xingling so full of energy, he quite liked it.
Then one year, two years, three years, five years passed, and they still hadn’t broken up! Ten years passed, and they still hadn’t broken up!
“That b*tch’s nickname still has not changed. How deep is the grudge?” Xingling huffed, sitting on Li Dong’s lap in the airport after a trip abroad, scrolling his phone.
You have stalked that nickname every day for ten years. That is a problem too.
“Oh dear, Second Young Master, I need to use the restroom. Come with me.” Xi Xingling said coquettishly, standing up to pull Li Dong along.
Everyone around looked at him this way and that, finally looking at Li Dong with admiration. This brother had it tough.
“Mm,” Li Dong said. He spoiled him without limit. If he said come along, he came along.
“The flight is delayed. I am sleepy. Let us skip this one and go tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
At the hotel, Li Dong held the silly, carefree creature who had spent ten years playing house with him in their little apartment.
Outside a light rain ticked down. It was spring.
Li Dong could not sleep. He looked at the dozing Xingling. “Xingling, if I cannot give you a cushy life one day, will you still stay with me?”
“Do you think so little of me?” Xingling fought to keep his eyes open and leaned up for the Nth kiss. “Whether you are a young master or a mechanic on the roadside, I love you either way.”
“Not my money?”
“No. If you have money for me to spend, I will spend it. If you do not, I will still cling to you.” He nestled in, satisfied. “I wish you were an ordinary man. Then I would feel worthy of you.”
So that was the truth he had kept tucked away.
Li Dong stayed quiet a long time.
Xingling giggled to himself and lifted his head. “Kiss me.”
“Hm?” Li Dong shook out of his thoughts and kissed him gently. “Xingling, would you leave the capital with me? Let us live our own life.”
“Do you even have to ask? To the ends of the earth,” Xingling said without a blink. The stance was clear: even as a ghost, he would follow, happy to be his little s*ut for life.
Epilogue
From what the synthetic voice had said, Li Dong knew he was in a world controlled by someone else. Everyone here might be mere data without real feelings.
But what if there was a chance they did?
He spent decades with Xi Xingling. He witnessed his transformation and his joy. Nothing about it felt like living with something fake.
For that thin chance, he could not follow the voice’s script and jump to world two on command.
He still remembered why he came in the first place, to change those stifling endings he could not stand.
As for whoever lurked behind the curtain, fine. They could do what they wanted. He would do what he wanted. They did not have to get in each other’s way.
Author’s Note:
Xiao Sao-Ling’s arc ends here. Next world: a domineering bigshot shou who spoils his lover more than the legal spouse, while the official gong is the scum.
IsitRo: The longest arc of this story. Awww~
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