Chapter 26 — Xi Xingling
An hour outside the screen was a full year inside it.
Li Dong had no time to think. His mind was a mess. “If he gets plastic surgery, will they stop persecuting him?”
The voice did not answer.
“Then what comes next? Can he at least live quietly?” As a basically decent person with normal values, he was the type who got riled up by books and movies. He could not stand seeing innocent people get hurt.
But the real world produced innocent victims every minute, even the dead.
“I cannot answer that,” the voice said at last.
The screen turned snow-white. Xi Xingling had arrived at the hospital.
In the book, a year had passed. On screen, his body looked gaunt.
The once radiant face was dim now. You could not see a trace of the coquettish sparkle he used to have.
This version of Xi Xingling looked more like an ordinary person. Li Dong felt no joy at all. He only felt a crushing ache.
He remembered the latter half of the original novel. Xi Xingling gave this exact impression.
Reading it felt like watching a soulless doll. It made readers ache and grieve.
Li Dong had only been “away” for an hour here, yet the man inside had endured a real, unbroken year.
“Enough. You win. I will go back,” Li Dong said, pressing a hand to his brow. “Send me back right now.”
The shout had barely fallen when everything around him changed.
A soft bed, a trace of perfume in the air, Li Dong was back in Han Yubai’s body.
His eyes flew open. He grabbed his phone and called the operating surgeon. “Postpone the surgery. Run a full set of pre-op tests again. I am on my way.”
“Yubai.” Gu Xichen, in a comfortable set of loungewear, was standing in the bedroom doorway.
He had kept Han Yubai over the night, yet they still had not crossed that last line. They had slept in separate rooms.
“I am making breakfast. Do you want Chinese or Western?”
Li Dong was yanking on clothes in a rush. “None for me, thanks. I have to go to the hospital. We can talk after I handle this.”
The sudden shift in attitude made Gu Xichen crease his brow.
“The hospital? Are you going to see that person?” He knew Han Yubai had demanded Xi Xingling change his face, and he approved of that territorial instinct.
“Yes. No time to explain. Bye.” Li Dong was out the door like a gust of wind.
“Director, Mr. Xi’s tests are finished. Should we begin prep?” the pretty nurse asked. She did not really understand.
They had done all the standard checks yesterday. That morning the director had told them to redo deeper testing, which was unnecessary.
“Hold for now. Please take the gentleman to a lounge and have him wait,” said Director Wang.
“Of course.”
The nurse went over to her low-spirited client. “Mr. Xi, let us rest in the lounge. Your surgeon is tied up at the moment.”
“Okay…” Xi Xingling’s face was blank. It was winter. He wore a thick padded coat. If you looked closely at the pattern and cut, it was the one Li Dong had once picked for him. It was a little ugly and very ordinary, but he had never had the heart to throw it away.
A year without anyone to be sweet to, and he had spoken less and less, grown quieter and quieter. Sometimes he would stare at a potted plant for a whole day, as if that could make him forget reality and slip back into happier days.
Another patient was in the lounge, a very young girl.
She lit up the moment she saw him and hurried over. “Gege, you are already this gorgeous. Why get plastic surgery? If I looked like you, I would never be here.”
That jabbed right where it hurt most. He agreed he already looked good.
It was not his idea to have surgery. If he talked about it, it would only end in tears.
“Sigh…”
“Gege, your chin is so sharp and pretty. Did you have it done before?” she asked. “Your eyes too. That fan-shaped double eyelid is my dream look. I am going to ask the doctor for the same thing.”
“I did not have anything done,” Xi Xingling replied. “I was born like this.” Natural beauty was a burden, after all.
“Mm-hmm, it is very natural. You cannot even tell it is fake…”
Good grief. Did she not understand human speech?
“I said I am a natural, no plastic surgery. No plastic surgery. Only ugly people need surgery. Why would I fix a face that looks this good? You would have to be brain-dead. Uuu, I am so mad.” He had been forced into this, all right!
Li Dong stood outside the door, hand raised to knock, and froze.
He had only been gone an hour, but it felt like a century. Hearing that familiar grumbling and shameless self-praise, his thoughts clicked back into place. For a moment, it felt like reality again.
“Hello.”
The knock cut off Xi Xingling’s sniffling. He hated to cry in front of strangers, so he stopped and rasped, “Come in.” Only then did he realize the voice outside sounded just like Second Young Master’s.
Even now, the name Han Yubai made his chest ache. The pain was duller, laced with numbness. He had accepted his fate.
In that man’s eyes he was worth nothing. Even if he crawled forward to lick boots again, he would only be kicked away.
Those happy days felt like a dream of Nanke. You wake and it is gone.
“Wow, another total hottie.” The girl beside him gasped, as if she had never seen a handsome man before.
Please. Could he be more handsome than the one Xingling used to love?
Xingling lifted his lids with no interest. One glance later his stomach knotted. “Second Young Master… Why are you here?” Was there more to this?
Forcing him to change his face was not enough?
Up close, Li Dong could see the hollows in his cheeks. A numb sting ran through him. The poor brat.
“You do not need the surgery,” he said.
“What?” Xingling blinked. His voice was flat. “Then what do you want me to do?” If surgery was not enough, did he want him to disappear entirely?
His heart went crack, splintering on the floor. How could he be this cruel?
Tears welled in his red eyes, and he struggled to hold them back.
Li Dong had told him that crying too much cheapened it. No one believed your tears then.
“All right, do not cry.” A grown man, back from an hour in hell, and he still had no idea what to say. “Xi Xingling, your Dong-ge is back.” He stepped forward, wrapped him up, lifted that pointed chin, and brushed a kiss against it.
The girl on the side gaped. So it was true, pretty men all dated men.
Xingling stared, stunned. Held tight in Li Dong’s arms, he stammered, “Second Young Master, why did you kiss me?”
Li Dong had raced over like his head was on fire and was not prepared for this reaction. Maybe a whole year had really burned it out of him. Maybe Xingling no longer liked Han Yubai at all.
Li Dong could cough blood. So why did I come back—just to stop a surgery?
He forced himself calm. “It is over. No one will bully you again.” He remembered the machine-voice’s nonsense and did not regret returning.
Strangely, he even found himself missing the old, shameless version of Xingling… he must be poisoned.
To Xingling, it felt unreal. The man who had tormented him for a year suddenly said, “It is over. No one will bully you again.”
What a joke. Was he not the one doing the bullying?
“I do not believe you. You are teasing me again.” Xingling flinched away, fear all over his face. “Please, let me go. Do not play with me anymore. I know my place.”
“Listen. I will explain what happened when I get the chance. Hurting you was never my intention. I never wanted to hurt you,” Li Dong said. “If you are used to living alone, keep doing it. I just want you to know you can live freely now. No one will persecute you again.”
“I do not believe it…” His eyes were rimmed red. Tears stood ready to fall with the slightest prod.
He was this thin, still on the verge of crying, and clearly not well. You could not help but pity him.
“This is not the place for a long talk. I will explain later.” His phone was buzzing nonstop. He had to cut it short. “I have things to handle. If you need anything, tell me anytime.”
He stepped out and checked the call. It was Gu Xichen.
“Yubai, lunch together?” Gu asked.
Without detailed memories of the in-between year, Li Dong did not know how far Gu and Han had gotten.
His head throbbed. “Sure. Lunch, and we talk.”
“This is the second time today you have said we need to talk,” Gu said. The tone was heavy. “Is it about us? Are you unhappy I still will not sleep with you?”
So they had not, yet. Thank the heavens. Also, confirmation that Han was hopeless in bed, and that Gu was a hedging straight guy who made your fists itch.
“Uh-huh. You know, when I used to date, my boyfriends climbed on and did the work,” Li Dong said. “If the new boyfriend will not even let me, what is the point? I have been holding it in for a year. I cannot keep doing this.”
Silence crackled on the line. This disrespectful Han Yubai felt familiar. Gu had seen this same stubborn streak a year ago when he came back to China.
Now it had relapsed over bedroom matters.
“Fine. We will talk at lunch,” Li Dong said.
Behind a potted palm to Li Dong’s left, Xi Xingling clenched his tiny fists. His mind was a storm.
So Han Yubai had not had a sex life with his boyfriend. Now that he could not hold it in, he remembered the good times and came back for him?
Ha. That was disgusting. Another heavy blow.
“Ugh ugh ugh. In your eyes, am I just something to scratch an itch with?” he muttered. And yet… what if the man really wanted to get back together?
Refuse flatly or fly into his arms?
The struggle was unbearable. On one hand he knew Second Young Master never took him seriously. On the other, he was secretly thrilled that the man’s sex life was a wreck.
Should he take the chance and shamelessly seduce him, or learn the lesson and keep far away?
If he did not try, the itch would drive him mad. If he did, he might get hurt. “What do I do?” he whispered, frowning. A few passersby saw him stomping and felt their hearts jolt.
While Xi Xingling tangled himself up, Li Dong had already strode out of the hospital.
He had driven over, but instead of returning to Gu Xichen’s place, he chose a restaurant to meet.
Before Gu arrived, Li Dong slumped over the table and reviewed his own choices. Regret gnawed. Coming back had been a brain-dead move.
Then again, maybe not. In a dog-eat-dog world, someone as blunt as him was rare. People like him always took the hit. Depressing, but true.
A pair of shoes, obviously expensive even at a glance, entered his field of view. Li Dong lifted his head and smiled. “Chen-ge.”
Brows arched, camel coat on, one hand in pocket, Gu Xichen removed his hat with the other. “You turned distant overnight. What got to you?” Was it last night, because he had refused to sleep with him?
“Nothing much,” Li Dong said with a fake smile. “I just realized we are not a good match.”
Gu’s eyes narrowed. Li Dong kept his face open and spoke in one breath. “We are still young. We should enjoy life, not waste time in a vague, drawn-out non-relationship.”
“That is your position?” Gu asked. “You think sex is more important than feelings?” Young and hot-blooded, chasing the bright lights, not so deep after all.
If they broke up over sex, Gu did not know whether to be sad or relieved.
He still remembered Han saying: I am a pure top. I cannot be the one under.
Over the past year, Gu had tried to adjust. He had even watched GV. But even if he could accept Han’s love, he could not accept being pinned beneath him.
“No. I do not rank sex above feelings,” Li Dong said, meeting his eyes. “Being with you for a year has made one thing clear. We are not right for each other. Breaking up is better.”
“Then what you said on the phone was crap?” Gu asked, doubtful.
“Can you sit down? You looming over me is a lot of pressure.” Li Dong gestured to the chair. His calm finally convinced Gu that something had changed.
“To be honest, it all feels ridiculous. Yesterday you said you would always wait for me.”
“And because I always gave you that promise, you acted like you had nothing to worry about,” Li Dong said. He was not Han Yubai, but he did spare a thought for the guy who had been strung along for years. “We grew up together. Do I not know your temperament? With you, I am the one who gets squeezed.”
He spread his hands. “Well, the feelings have been squeezed dry. Let us both step back and go back to being friends. That is the best outcome.” No one is obligated to waste their life for someone else unless they choose it.
“So in the end you are blaming me. You still hold a grudge about my marriage abroad,” Gu said.
“I do not. I do not care now,” Li Dong said. “Marry and have kids if you want, or find a man. I will sincerely give you my blessing.”
The man across from him was excellent in many ways, but his character in love left much to be desired. In a word: selfish.
“So we are really done?” Gu’s face was dark.
“Looks like it. I do not want to continue.” Li Dong shrugged. “After this, I might be single. I might be with someone else. Whichever it is, please do not make a scene.” No creating drama later. That would be ugly.
“Heh.” Gu gave a short laugh. “Then congratulations.” His face stayed dark as he stood and put his hat back on.
No one likes being dumped, least of all by someone he thought was already in his pocket. “You gave me a warning, but Yubai, do not do anything that will disgust me.”
“I will not go out of my way to disgust you. If I do, it will not be aimed at you,” Li Dong said.
Gu had not expected him to deny even that little exit. Was this still the same Han Yubai?
“Your brother—” he began, and Li Dong cut him off.
“Don’t bring up my brother. My brother dotes on me very much. He dotes on me. If I said I was going to sleep with the president of Country X, he would cheer me on, not pour cold water on me.” That kind of fierce love was not something Gu would understand.
And that was that. Gu was gone, or rather, properly dumped.
Li Dong was once again a clear-headed, happy single dog. First order of business: call Han Tianlin.
“Ge, where are you? Let me buy you lunch,” Li Dong said. It was only 11:40. There was time.
“I am at the XX Grand Hotel. Come now,” Han said. “Do you have a car? Do you need a driver?”
“Thanks, Ge. I am good. I drove.”
Twenty minutes later, Li Dong arrived and joined him.
“Yubai is here. We can start.” Hearing Han say that, Li Dong almost knelt.
The room was full of big shots, and all of them had waited to start because of a nobody like him.
He clutched his brother’s thigh with trembling gratitude, sidled close, and murmured, “Ge, you should have told me there were so many guests. If I had known I would not have come, making everyone wait for me.”
“Hahahaha.” This well-behaved version of his brother had been rare recently. Han was delighted. “It’s nothing. Twenty minutes. I am sure no one minds.”
A chorus rose around the table. “Not at all. Er-Shao is too polite. Come, sit, have a drink.”
Han reached back for a waiter’s chair and pulled it to his side. “Yubai does not drink. Bring him milk.”
Laughter went around. The deadpan delivery made it funnier.
Li Dong knew it was not a joke. “Heh.” Milk again.
After the meal, with just the two of them, Li Dong accepted a cup of tea from a waiter, then personally handed Han a hangover brew. “Ge, there is something I need to tell you. I broke up with Chen-ge.” He was nervous. Gu was supposed to be Han’s best friend.
“Hmm?” Han asked. “Why?”
“We are not suited.” He had a whole speech ready, but in the end he went with what Han would appreciate. “We were together for a year and did not sleep together once. The gun is going rusty.”
“Hahahaha.” Han laughed until he wheezed. “If it does not work in bed, it does not work.” He paused and added, “Since you are single, shall I take you out to let off some steam tonight?”
Candidate for China’s Best Brother.
“No need,” Li Dong said, smiling. “You do not roll around the same night you break up. Show Chen-ge a little respect.”
Han did not press. He ruffled his brother’s hair, affection written all over his face.
With two or three big items settled, Li Dong felt light as air.
He had forgotten about the live grenade waiting for him, the kind that goes off at a touch.
“Xiao Zhun, Xiao Zhun!” Xi Xingling texted. “I am going to die. Slap me awake. I feel like I am about to debase myself again. I am boiling all over. My brain is full of terrible ideas.”
After he crashed, his best friend barely wanted to talk.
Not really Qian Xiaozhun’s fault. Xi Xingling had become the laughingstock of the entire queer scene in the capital.
The way Han Er-Shao had dumped him had been, depending on who you asked, either karmic justice or a tale to make listeners cry.
He did not even show up in the scene anymore, but the legend lived on.
Veterans warned the newbies with lines like: “Is your backside studded with gold or diamonds? Do you know your worth? Do you know what ‘a lady’s delusions on a maid’s wage’ means? No? Ask Xi Xingling.”
Xi Xingling had gritted his teeth through this chorus of gossip long enough to wreck his hormones. That was the real reason he no longer radiant and charming.
Author’s Note:
Li Dong is back. Those afraid of angst can read on.
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