You Alone Are Where My Heart Longs to Be
The warm touch sent a shudder through Ji Chaoyun’s entire body. He pressed both hands against Feng Qi’s chest and pushed him back a little. “What nonsense are you talking about?”
“How am I talking nonsense?” Feng Qi smiled and following the motion, took Ji Chaoyun’s hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.
Ji Chaoyun instinctively struggled, but the other man’s strength was astonishing. Not only did he fail to pull free, Feng Qi instead held him even tighter.
Feng Qi lowered his head and said softly, “Sometimes, I truly wish I could lock you away, let only me see you, and make it so I’m the only one you can see.”
As Feng Qi spoke, his burning breath fell across Ji Chaoyun’s knuckles. He cradled Ji Chaoyun’s ten fingers in his palms and kissed them one by one, his movements tender and lingering.
“...” Ji Chaoyun closed his eyes and asked in a low voice, “What exactly is wrong with you today?”
Feng Qi had always exercised restraint with him and would never make such overstepping advances.
After knowing him for so long, if Ji Chaoyun still could not tell that something was wrong with Feng Qi today, then all that time spent together would have been for nothing.
Feng Qi merely blinked. “Why do you ask? I’m not—”
Before he could finish speaking, Ji Chaoyun secretly drew upon some of his cultivation and turned the tables, pinning Feng Qi against a stone pillar beside the pavilion.
The situation reversed in an instant. Feng Qi seemed not to have expected Ji Chaoyun to suddenly do this and actually froze there in a daze, allowing Ji Chaoyun to seize his wrist with ease.
Ji Chaoyun pressed one hand against Feng Qi’s shoulder while his right hand grasped Feng Qi’s wrist and probed into his spiritual meridians.
The spiritual power circulating within Feng Qi was far from its usual calm state. It was like a volcano that had been suppressed for years and had finally found an opportunity to reveal itself, revealing the dangerous nature it had always concealed beneath the surface.
Ji Chaoyun raised Feng Qi’s chin and, sure enough, caught a flash of golden light deep within his eyes.
It was a sign of fluctuating immortal power.
Ji Chaoyun’s eyes trembled slightly, and he understood at once.
Feng Xiao was the first phoenix between Heaven and Earth, and the power of that ancient heavenly god was now entirely sealed within Feng Qi. That cultivation was unfathomably profound, far beyond what someone of Feng Qi’s age could possibly control.
No wonder he needed to remain at Hongmeng Academy for secluded cultivation.
During this journey to the lower realm, however, Feng Qi had encountered the demons several times, inadvertently stirring the power hidden within him through a strange twist of circumstances. On top of that, he had brutally killed Jun Jue. Once his killing intent arose, years spent tempering his mind and character fell short at the final step, finally revealing the true temperament he had always kept hidden beneath his ordinarily calm exterior.
“You can’t go on like this. I’m taking you back to the academy.” Ji Chaoyun took Feng Qi by the hand and was about to rise when the other man pulled hard.
Ji Chaoyun fell into Feng Qi’s arms. He looked up and met the other man’s teasing smile. “I’m not going back.”
The setting sun was sinking low, its remaining light spilling across the entire lake. Feng Qi stood against the glow of sunset, yet the brilliance in his eyes was even more dazzling than the sunlight.
“Feng Qi... listen to me. Your immortal power is unstable right now, which is why your mind isn’t clear.” Ji Chaoyun almost did not dare meet those eyes as he hurriedly said, “You must return with me. If this continues, you could easily suffer cultivation deviation—”
Before Ji Chaoyun could finish speaking, his feet suddenly left the ground as Feng Qi swept him into his arms. “Feng Qi!”
“I’m here.” Feng Qi smiled leisurely, adjusted his hold on him, and walked toward the courtyard. “Who said my mind isn’t clear? I’m perfectly lucid right now.”
He carried Ji Chaoyun into the courtyard, kicked open the door, strode inside, and tossed him onto the bed before leaning over and pressing him down.
The golden light flowing through Feng Qi’s eyes grew brighter, faintly taking on a reddish-gold hue. It nearly overwhelmed the original deep dark of his eyes, making his features appear even more handsome than usual.
Ji Chaoyun forced himself to look away from those golden eyes.
When he had first entered the academy, he too had once lost control because his immortal power was unstable. He understood that this condition was beyond one’s own control and could even pass unnoticed by the person experiencing it.
Everyone behaved differently when their spiritual power went out of control. Ji Chaoyun simply had not expected Feng Qi’s manifestation to be... so difficult to describe.
What exactly did this man spend all day thinking about?
“Hiss...” A sharp pain suddenly came from Ji Chaoyun’s fingertip. Feng Qi had bitten down on his knuckle. “You bit me?!”
“That’s what you get for letting your mind wander.” Feng Qi licked the small patch of reddened skin where he had bitten him and asked softly, “What were you thinking about just now?”
Ji Chaoyun gritted his teeth in annoyance. “How to save you.”
“I can teach you what to do.” Feng Qi braced one hand beside Ji Chaoyun while his thumb stroked his cheek. “Kiss me.”
The two stared at each other for a long while. At last, Ji Chaoyun caught Feng Qi by the wrist and, beneath the other man’s oppressively intense gaze, barely managed to curve his lips. “All right. Close your eyes first.”
Feng Qi raised a brow and closed his eyes, half believing and half doubting him.
Ji Chaoyun lowered his gaze. His fingertips slid to the pulse at Feng Qi’s wrist as he urged a small amount of spiritual power into Feng Qi’s body.
After Ji Chaoyun’s rebirth, his dragon pearl had completely merged into Feng Qi’s spiritual meridians. Like the divine power remaining within Feng Qi, it had become part of Feng Qi’s own cultivation. The two powers had blended seamlessly within him, to the point that even Feng Qi himself could not detect them.
Yet that dragon pearl had once been the spiritual core that served as the source of Ji Chaoyun’s power. It was something he had possessed from birth and could still answer his command.
Ji Chaoyun called forth that familiar spiritual power within Feng Qi and slowly guided it through his limbs and every part of his body, gradually calming the immortal power that had been fluctuating restlessly.
At that very moment, a sharp pain at his lips instantly scattered the spiritual power Ji Chaoyun had gathered.
He opened his eyes and unexpectedly met a pair of eyes that had turned completely reddish gold.
Feng Qi was biting hard on his lower lip.
In truth, Ji Chaoyun did not have many memories of being intimate with this person.
Several hundred years ago, Feng Xiao had considered him too young and had always treated him with restraint and propriety. The Feng Qi of the present was even more cautious when they were together, never daring to overstep.
Apart from that accidental heat period, the only memory Ji Chaoyun had of being this intimate with him was that hurried kiss in the Dragon King Temple.
This kiss, however, was entirely different from the one before.
Feng Qi pried open Ji Chaoyun’s lips and teeth with scarcely any effort. The faint taste of blood mingled with Feng Qi’s distinctive scent as it invaded Ji Chaoyun’s mouth, and before long, the kiss left him unable to catch his breath.
Ji Chaoyun instinctively tried to push him away, only for Feng Qi to catch his wrists with one hand and raise them above his head, easily pinning both hands there.
The golden chain around Feng Qi’s wrist dropped down and rapidly lengthened before fastening tightly around Ji Chaoyun’s wrists.
“...”
Ji Chaoyun even forgot to struggle.
Was this man truly going to lock him up?
It was an extremely passive and dangerous position. Ji Chaoyun’s head was forced backward, his voice coming out hurried. “Feng Qi—”
Feng Qi’s movements suddenly slowed.
He was no longer impatient. He tenderly licked at those lips that trembled slightly, whether from nervousness or fear, while brilliant light flowed through his eyes, those dazzling colors carrying a bewitching power capable of drawing someone helplessly into them.
Ji Chaoyun grew dazed beneath his kisses. He actually tilted his head upward and began to respond, cautious and clumsy.
“Sometimes, even I don’t know whether you’re looking at me or looking through me at someone else.”
Ji Chaoyun’s movements stopped.
Those reddish-gold eyes watched him, and at last, a hint of sorrow appeared within them. “I wish I could give you everything I possess. Even then, I still can’t make up for the harm those three hundred years caused you, nor can I reclaim the heart you gave to Feng Xiao.”
All the passion and confusion vanished at that instant. Ji Chaoyun stared at him blankly, as though he could not immediately understand the deeper meaning of his words.
His lips still stung faintly. Those lips, usually lacking in color, had been kissed red and were trembling slightly. “You... have you been thinking this way all along?”
Then what had all Ji Chaoyun’s attempts to draw closer to him meant in Feng Qi’s eyes? What of all the closeness and reliance Ji Chaoyun had been unable to restrain these past few days?
Feng Qi’s gaze seemed like a sharp blade piercing straight into Ji Chaoyun’s heart. The pain made even breathing difficult.
During this time, he truly had failed to consider Feng Qi’s feelings.
Perhaps Feng Qi had hidden his emotions too well, or perhaps Ji Chaoyun had simply grown accustomed to being cared for by him and had come to take everything for granted. He had been immersed in the joy of reuniting with this person, yet had forgotten that Feng Qi knew absolutely nothing about it.
Knowing nothing was itself unfair to him.
Yet Ji Chaoyun had forgotten.
He could not bring himself to say it, and he had forgotten to explain.
Had Feng Qi’s immortal power not begun fluctuating, who knew how long these words buried deep in his heart, these negative emotions concealed beneath his calm exterior, would have remained unspoken.
How could he have... hurt him like this?
Ji Chaoyun’s throat was dry, and he could barely make a sound. “Feng Qi, it isn’t like that. I...”
He opened his mouth, yet still nothing came out.
“It’s all right. Let me finish.” Feng Qi lowered his head and placed lingering kisses along Ji Chaoyun’s neck. “I really shouldn’t have brought you here so soon, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
“I thought that after wandering outside for so long, you must want somewhere you can return to. A place that belongs to you.”
“I hope that in the days to come, you’ll never have to endure any hardship again.”
“From now on, this will be your home. No matter when it is, whenever you wish to return, you can.”
“More than that, though... I hope you can accept me. I hope you’ll let this become our home, a home that I give to you.”
Ji Chaoyun stared up at the gauze canopy overhead. His heart filled completely with an indescribable ache, and his eyes reddened at once.
The word “home” had been far too distant from him.
Ever since he rebelled against Lingyuan Sea three hundred years ago and fled from place to place to escape pursuit, he had never again had anything that could be called a home.
Now, Feng Qi was saying that he wanted to give him one.
That half a lifetime of wandering and displacement had begun because he met this person. After all those twists and turns, it finally came to rest because they had found each other again.
Those words seemed to give Ji Chaoyun immense courage. He took a deep breath and said softly, “Feng Qi, the one I’ve always seen has been you.”
“I have never regarded you as anyone else. Not in the past, not now, and never in the future... I know exactly what I’m doing, and I also know very clearly... who it is that I love.”
The person leaning over him suddenly went rigid and raised his head.
Ji Chaoyun gazed into those reddish-gold eyes, his voice soft yet solemn. “It’s you. No one else. It has always been you.”
“So no matter what you do to me, I won’t be angry, because it’s you.” Ji Chaoyun’s robes had loosened slightly from their movements just now. He lay in the middle of the soft bed, his eyes faintly red. “You alone are where my heart longs to be.”
Feng Qi did not answer.
The two stared at each other in silence. The sun finally sank beneath the horizon, and some indescribable emotion spread without end through the gradually darkening room.
The flowing light in Feng Qi’s eyes dimmed, and clarity returned to his gaze.
He blinked, his fingertips brushing the wound at the corner of Ji Chaoyun’s lips. His expression seemed somewhat confused. “Why are you...”
Before he could finish, his body suddenly swayed. He collapsed onto Ji Chaoyun and lost consciousness.
“...”
“???”
The room was silent. Only Feng Qi’s gradually steadying breaths fell beside Ji Chaoyun’s ear.
Ji Chaoyun had a breath of anger lodged in his chest. Several hundred years of self-restraint nearly collapsed entirely at that moment, and he wanted nothing more than to kick Feng Qi straight off the bed.
How could he just faint like that? At least untie me first!
The golden chain around Ji Chaoyun’s wrists was not fastened tightly, seemingly because Feng Qi had been worried it would hurt him. Even so, Ji Chaoyun still could not undo it. Although Feng Qi had once made the golden chain recognize Ji Chaoyun as one of its masters, Feng Qi remained the artifact’s true master.
An order given by Feng Qi could only be undone by Feng Qi himself.
Ji Chaoyun tried for a while before finally sighing and giving up his struggle.
He kicked the man lying on top of him aside. Unable even to straighten his own clothes, he could only manage to lie down fully clothed.
Feng Qi slept deeply. A rare trace of exhaustion showed between his brows. It seemed the many days of interrogation and confinement, together with the fluctuations in his immortal power, had finally broken down this man who had always seemed invulnerable.
Ji Chaoyun turned his head and gazed at Feng Qi’s peaceful sleeping face. At last, he gently pulled Feng Qi’s arm open and burrowed into his embrace.
He found a comfortable position in Feng Qi’s arms and lay on his side. His bound hands rested in front of him as he clasped Feng Qi’s hand tightly.
“I’ll settle accounts with you tomorrow,” Ji Chaoyun muttered quietly. He quickly raised his head and kissed Feng Qi on the cheek, then whispered, “Good night.”
☁︎₊˚⊹ The Author’s Jade-Slip Aside ⊹˚₊☁︎
Spirit cultivation really is on the way, and so are the little ones. Once they finish spirit cultivation, it’s time to carry a baby【Did I just spoil something?】
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