A Thought He Had Never Once Had Before Broke Through the Soil of His Heart
Ji Chaoyun pulled Feng Qi along as they walked toward the mountain behind the clan grounds.
Seeing that they had already left the crowd far behind, Feng Qi finally spoke with a light laugh. “Are you really taking me away to elope?”
Ji Chaoyun’s steps abruptly stopped.
He did not turn around. Feng Qi only felt that the hand gripping his wrist was cold to the bone, its fingertips so pale that there was almost no trace of blood in them.
Feng Qi sighed and shook his head. He pried Ji Chaoyun’s hand away, then took it into his own palm. “I never meant to force you. If you can’t accept it, can we not simply pretend nothing happened? Why make things difficult for yourself?”
“Pretend nothing happened?” Ji Chaoyun pulled his hand away, his voice strained. “Can you do that?”
Feng Qi gave a bitter laugh. “Have I not been doing exactly that all along?”
Ji Chaoyun’s fingertips trembled. It was as though a sharp blade had been driven into his heart, the pain slicing him apart bit by bit. Even breathing tugged at the wound and brought piercing agony.
Feng Qi gazed at his back and asked quietly, “What did you want to say to me?”
“...” Ji Chaoyun pressed his lips tightly together, unable to say a single word.
Feng Qi did not urge him. He simply waited quietly for his answer.
“This matter... was my fault.” After a long while, Ji Chaoyun finally spoke in a hoarse voice. “Today, we were only putting on an act. Tomorrow, I will bid farewell to Grandpa Tree. You don’t need to help me with the merit anymore. Once we leave the banyan tree clan, you should return to the academy.”
Feng Qi narrowed his eyes. “You’re sending me away?”
Ji Chaoyun closed his eyes, his voice trembling faintly. “Once we return to the academy, I’ll submit a request to the Inspection Hall to transfer to a different disciples’ courtyard. After that, I won’t appear before you again.”
Feng Qi’s expression hardened. “You think that will be enough?”
“...”
“Answer me, Ji Chaoyun. Do you think that if you hide from me, we can pretend nothing ever happened?”
Ji Chaoyun did not answer.
Feng Qi turned him around by the shoulders and lowered his head to look into those downcast, reddened eyes. “If that’s truly what you want, why don’t you dare look at me? Why are you this upset?”
“It’s too late, Chaoyun.”
“We have known each other for these past few months. You had countless chances to push me away, yet you did not. Do you think that simply by hiding from me, I will be able to forget you?” Feng Qi gave a faint, self-mocking laugh. “Ji Chaoyun, it has been three hundred years. Have you ever forgotten Feng Xiao?”
Ji Chaoyun’s body shuddered violently.
“When you met Feng Xiao, you were even younger than I am now, were you not?” Feng Qi said. “You could throw yourself into it without hesitation back then. What makes you think I cannot do the same? You could afford to wait three hundred years. What makes you think I cannot wait?”
His voice softened as he continued, “How strange. From the very first moment I saw you, it felt as though something in the unseen had given me a push. It told me to go to your side, to stay with you, watch over you, and protect you. Sometimes, I even feel as though I remained at the academy all these years just to wait for that day.”
Ji Chaoyun’s shoulders trembled faintly. His eyes stung, and everything before him blurred.
“I know you cannot give me an answer now. It’s all right. I can wait.” Feng Qi said gently, “Two hundred years, three hundred years, five hundred years... That fellow knew you for three months, yet you waited for him for three hundred years. What does it matter if I wait for you?”
“However, I... I...” JJi Chaoyun’s voice trembled so badly he could barely get the words out. “There will never be any result. I simply...”
“If you want to tell me that you have absolutely no feelings for me, I won’t believe you.” Feng Qi sighed and gently rubbed Ji Chaoyun’s head. “You spent two whole days thinking about how to sever things between us with a single cut, and this is the best you could manage? You cannot even pretend properly. I have never seen a dragon more foolish than you.”
“...”
“You take all the blame onto yourself, thinking you have wronged him and wronged me too, but how is any of this your fault? I’m the one at fault. I’m the one who kept pestering you.” Feng Qi’s hand slowly moved downward and took Ji Chaoyun’s icy hands in his. “I don’t know what he would think, but as far as I’m concerned, my little dragon hasn’t done a single thing wrong. Don’t be upset anymore. If you’re truly still unhappy... here. Take this.”
Feng Qi removed the bracelet from his wrist and fastened it around Ji Chaoyun’s. “Turn it into the whip and hit me with it. Let off some anger. I struck you before, so now you can strike me back. All right?”
Ji Chaoyun finally could not endure any longer. Tears burst from his eyes.
How could there be someone this gentle in the world?
He was clearly the one who should have felt wronged, yet instead he was comforting Ji Chaoyun, afraid that Ji Chaoyun would suffer.
The better Feng Qi treated him, the more painful it felt in Ji Chaoyun’s heart.
What happened three hundred years ago was real. The three hundred years of waiting in between were real. These past few months together after coming to the Academy were real too. There was clearly already someone else in his heart, yet he was still being drawn uncontrollably toward this person.
He had never realized any of this until that night two days ago, when that kiss almost fell.
Feng Qi’s attitude that night had dragged into the light everything Ji Chaoyun had always refused to think about and dared not think about.
He did not understand why things had become like this.
How could he be like this...
Ji Chaoyun bowed his head deeply. His whole body trembled uncontrollably, and several broken sobs escaped through his tightly bitten lower lip.
“Why... why are you crying this badly?” Feng Qi was immediately stunned by his tears. Rarely flustered, he became completely at a loss. He wanted to embrace Ji Chaoyun but did not dare, so he tentatively held his shoulders instead. “Don’t be like this, don’t be like this... Did I not explain it properly? It isn’t your fault. Don’t cry.”
Second Highness Feng had never encountered such a situation and did not even know how to comfort someone. He rambled through a complete mess of consoling words, only managing to make Ji Chaoyun cry harder.
Never in Ji Chaoyun’s life had he released his emotions so completely. Not when he parted from Feng Xiao, not when he was expelled from the dragon clan, not even when he unexpectedly died in his previous life. His whole body shook until all strength drained from him. Soon, he no longer had even the strength to remain standing and slowly sank to his knees upon the ground.
He lowered his head as large tears rolled one after another into the grass.
Feng Qi had never seen Ji Chaoyun like this. It hurt more than being struck by the whip himself. No longer caring whether touching him might upset him further, Feng Qi crouched down and carefully gathered him tightly into his arms, pressing the back of Ji Chaoyun’s head so that he rested against his shoulder. “I finally understand. You don’t want to beat me. You want my life.”
Feng Qi sighed. He truly had been completely subdued by this person. Closing his eyes in resignation, he said, “Cry, then. Cry until you have had enough, and afterward, don’t be sad anymore.”
Unfortunately, Ji Chaoyun ultimately did not manage to cry to his heart’s content. Before long, Feng Qi heard hurried footsteps approaching from the distance.
They had run away from the wedding ceremony, so naturally the clan members would come looking for them. Feng Qi did not want anyone to see Ji Chaoyun in his present state, and Ji Chaoyun probably did not wish for others to see him looking this disheveled either.
After considering for a moment, Feng Qi wrapped an arm around Ji Chaoyun’s waist and rose into the air.
The two landed steadily upon a tree branch.
Ji Chaoyun could also sense that someone was approaching. He had cried too fiercely earlier and still could not completely stop. All he could do was tightly clutch Feng Qi’s sleeve, bury his head deeply, and do his utmost to suppress the faint sobs that still escaped him.
Before long, several clan members appeared within view.
Their expressions were anxious, yet they did not look as though they were searching for anyone. They hurried straight ahead and soon disappeared into the forest.
Feng Qi instinctively sensed that something was strange and frowned slightly.
“That direction...” Ji Chaoyun revealed his reddened eyes and half of his face from Feng Qi’s robes and spoke softly.
Feng Qi paid no mind to the large patch of his wedding robes that had already been soaked through with tears. He used his sleeve to wipe the tears from Ji Chaoyun’s face. “What is it?”
Ji Chaoyun drew back a little and rubbed his own eyes. “I remember that if you leave the banyan tree clan through the exit in that direction, you reach the barren mountain.”
The barren mountain that had once been shrouded in dense fog but was now completely clear and filled with unknown danger.
Feng Qi had not even finished comforting his little dragon and truly did not want to concern himself with anything else at a time like this. The banyan tree clan, however, had shown Ji Chaoyun kindness. If something had truly happened, Ji Chaoyun would probably feel terrible as well.
Feng Qi lowered his head and asked, “Shall we go back and ask?”
Ji Chaoyun nodded. “Mm.”
“However, you look...”
Ji Chaoyun almost never cried like this. Once he finally did, he cried fiercely. He had only just managed to stop, yet droplets still clung to his lashes, and his eyes were red and moist, making him look like a rabbit and particularly pitiful.
Restless and agitated, Feng Qi looked away and composed himself. “Shall I use a spell to conceal it for you?”
Only then did Ji Chaoyun realize what he meant. He turned his head aside. “I’ll do it myself.”
A short while later, the two returned beneath the banyan tree.
The decorations for the wedding ceremony had yet to be taken down. The old Clan Leader had forbidden the clan members from chasing after them, so everyone could only remain where they were and wait.
Seeing the two return, the old Clan Leader smiled at them. “Have you finished talking everything through?”
“Mm,” Ji Chaoyun answered quietly.
The old Clan Leader pointed beneath the tree. “Do you still want to continue?”
Ji Chaoyun froze. “Clan Leader, you...”
“What is it?”
“...Nothing.” Ji Chaoyun shook his head. “Just now, we saw several clan members heading in the direction of the barren mountain. What were they going there to do?”
The old Clan Leader met his gaze for a moment, confusion appearing in his eyes. “Barren mountain? What barren mountain? Where is there a barren mountain?”
“...”
“You two have returned.” At that moment, Ji Xun walked toward them.
Feng Qi asked, “Young Clan Leader, Chaoyun and I saw several clan members heading toward the barren mountain just now. Do you know about this?”
“It was my instruction,” Ji Xun explained. “I received word just now that a merchant caravan traveling from afar somehow passed through the arrangements our banyan tree clan placed on Peach Blossom Ridge and took the route through the barren mountain. I was worried they might encounter danger, so I sent several clan members to escort them.”
Ji Chaoyun said, “The clan placed barriers at every necessary passage through Peach Blossom Ridge. How could they have passed through without trouble?”
“We don’t know the reason yet. By the time we discovered them, they were already about to enter the barren mountain.” Ji Xun said, “The banyan tree clan is still a yao clan, so we dare not reveal ourselves before mortals. I only had time to send several clan members to follow them and have not yet investigated the reason behind this. What is it? Do you think something is wrong?”
Ji Chaoyun and Feng Qi exchanged a glance.
Ji Chaoyun said, “We have no definite evidence. Only... Brother Ji, something unknown attacked your clan members inside the barren mountain before. It may be dangerous for them to go there. Let us go take a look.”
“But...” Ji Xun hesitantly looked at the two of them, then toward the old Clan Leader.
The old Clan Leader sat in his vine chair and smiled. “If they want to go, let them go. What does it matter?”
Ji Chaoyun and Feng Qi nodded and immediately returned to the house to change clothes.
Ji Xun watched the two of them leave and asked in confusion, “Grandfather, then what about this wedding ceremony? Are we still holding it or not?”
The old Clan Leader replied, “They have not finished the three bows yet. Leave everything here. It will still be useful later.”
“Then why did Grandfather let them leave?”
“You spend every day thinking only about clan affairs. No wonder you cannot find a wife.” The old Clan Chief looked at him as though iron had failed to become steel and struck Ji Xun hard on the backside with the end of his bamboo staff. Leaning on the staff, he rose and walked away. “Young people, paired together two by two, a match made by Heaven... how wonderful...”
☁
Leaving the banyan tree clan through the mountain behind it, Ji Chaoyun and Feng Qi quickly found the barren mountain.
It was called a barren mountain because not a blade of grass grew there. Jagged rocks could be seen everywhere, with only a few dried weeds growing between the cracks and not the slightest sign of life. Few people ever came here. The road was rugged and difficult to traverse, making this place seem like an entirely different world from Peach Blossom Ridge ahead.
“It’s difficult to imagine that behind such flourishing Peach Blossom Ridge lies a barren mountain where nothing grows,” Feng Qi said. “This does not seem natural.”
Ji Chaoyun nodded. “When I first came to the banyan tree clan, I also thought this mountain quite strange. At the time, however... I could barely protect myself, and the barren mountain was covered in dense fog, so I never came to investigate.”
Feng Qi gave a quiet “Mm” and turned to look at him.
Ji Chaoyun’s expression was calm, giving no indication that he had cried so bitterly earlier. This was simply how he was. He buried his thoughts deeper than anyone else. Unless the pain became unbearable, he would never reveal even the slightest hint of it.
Feng Qi felt both heartache and helplessness. He was still wondering whether he should comfort him a little more when Ji Chaoyun suddenly spoke. “Look over there!”
Beneath a stone wall not far ahead of them lay a young man.
He was a tree yao.
The two hurried forward and found that the young man’s breathing was barely perceptible, his clothes soaked through with blood.
“His vital points weren’t struck. He can still be saved.” Feng Qi moved before Ji Chaoyun could and helped the man upright. He swiftly pressed several points along the other’s spiritual meridians and slowly poured spiritual power into him.
“Cough, cough, cough...” The young man coughed up a large mouthful of blood and finally regained some awareness. “Immortal... Immortal Seniors, why are you here...”
Ji Chaoyun asked, “What happened?”
“We followed that merchant caravan into the barren mountain. We had not gone far before we were attacked.”
“Where are the others?”
“Perhaps they continued farther into the mountain, cough... That thing was exceptionally powerful. I-I did not even see what it was before I lost consciousness.”
The young man was too badly injured for them to ask anything further, so they formed a spell seal and sent him back to the clan.
Once that was done, Feng Qi said, “It seems there truly is something wrong with this mountain.”
“Not only the mountain. That merchant caravan is strange too.” Ji Chaoyun gazed toward the depths of the barren mountain, his brows drawing slightly downward. “Merchant caravans usually travel with carts and horses because of their goods, so they choose official roads that are easier to traverse. This barren mountain is steep and unpredictable. What sort of caravan from elsewhere would choose this road?”
“Perhaps they came from another region and did not know how dangerous the terrain here was?”
Ji Chaoyun shook his head. “Precisely because they came from elsewhere, they should have made careful inquiries beforehand.”
Ji Chaoyun continued, “Mortals are unlike immortals and yao. They have no spells to protect themselves and cannot shrink the earth into a cun. Long journeys require even greater caution for them. Even if they cared nothing for their own lives, they would still need to consider the safety of the goods traveling with them.”
Feng Qi asked, “So you already suspected something was wrong with that caravan earlier?”
“It was only a guess.” Ji Chaoyun said, “Let’s keep going deeper into the mountain...”
Before he finished speaking, he suddenly sensed something attacking from behind them.
Ji Chaoyun turned and saw a stream of black smoke rushing toward them from the distance. He was about to counterattack, but Feng Qi moved even faster.
Feng Qi’s palm strike hit the center of the black smoke without the slightest deviation. A sharp shriek rang out as the smoke flew backward and slammed into the rough stone wall. The smoke dispersed, revealing the creature’s true form.
Its appearance closely resembled a leopard. Its entire body was pitch-black, two horns grew from its forehead, its canine teeth were long and slender, and its eyes were blood-red.
Within those scarlet eyes churned dense demonic qi.
A demonic creature.
Feng Qi’s palm strike had struck its vital point, shattering its meridians. Its body quickly dissolved into black smoke and scattered upon the wind. In that brief moment, several more streams of black smoke appeared from nowhere and landed around the two of them, surrounding them so tightly that not even water could pass through.
Feng Qi clicked his tongue and was about to step forward when Ji Chaoyun stopped him.
Ji Chaoyun drew his sword and said indifferently, “You said before that killing demonic creatures earns merit. How much?”
Feng Qi raised a brow and understood his meaning. He stepped back half a pace. “Killing one should be worth about as much as everything you did during that entire day before.”
Ji Chaoyun’s gaze settled upon the dozen or so demonic creatures slowly closing in around them, his expression dark. “These are all mine. You’re not allowed to steal any.”
“Mm, I won’t. Take your time...”
Before Feng Qi could finish, Ji Chaoyun charged forward with his sword.
Sharp, piercing sword-shadows flashed across the jagged stone walls. Feng Qi watched the plain-white figure from afar, with no intention of stopping him, much less helping.
His little dragon was still hurting inside and needed somewhere to release it.
This group of demonic creatures had arrived at exactly the right time.
Feng Qi retreated to the stone wall and waited. Several dozen demonic creatures were no match at all for Ji Chaoyun in his present state. In no more than one incense stick’s time, he killed every last one.
Ji Chaoyun kicked aside the final demonic creature after it breathed its last. With a sweep of his sword, he flung a string of blood droplets from the blade.
Feng Qi’s lips curved slightly. He was just about to step forward when his expression abruptly hardened.
Something was approaching.
Ji Chaoyun sensed the anomaly as well. He turned toward a certain direction. Faint tremors traveled through the ground strewn with loose stones, as though something were walking toward them.
A moment later, a mottled white tiger, entirely snow-white and as tall as a man, rounded the stone wall and walked before them.
Ji Chaoyun’s gaze darkened. He was just about to raise his sword and step forward when Feng Qi stopped him. “Wait.”
“It isn’t an enemy.”
Feng Qi walked to Ji Chaoyun’s side and gazed into the white tiger’s eyes. The white tiger met his gaze calmly, showing not the slightest hostility.
Feng Qi seemed to sense something and asked, “You want to take us somewhere?”
The white tiger nodded at him, turned sideways, and lay down. Its long tail swished, signaling for the two to climb onto its back.
Ji Chaoyun asked, “Feng Qi, what exactly is it...”
“I don’t know.” Feng Qi said, “I can tell it bears us no hostility.”
He mounted the white tiger first, then extended a hand toward Ji Chaoyun. “Trust me. Nothing will happen.”
Ji Chaoyun silently looked at the hand before him. After a long while, he nodded. “All right.”
The two mounted the white tiger. It raised its head and gave a loud cry before racing back in the direction from which it had come.
The desolate mountain road swiftly receded behind them. Ji Chaoyun stared blankly at the white tiger beneath them, something vaguely surfacing in his mind.
While running, snow-white wings suddenly grew from the white tiger’s back. It rose into the air and leapt toward the heavens.
The white tiger circled high above the barren mountain, the wind roaring beside their ears. Ji Chaoyun’s back rested against Feng Qi’s chest, while Feng Qi’s arms wrapped tightly around him and held him within his embrace.
“Have you ever seen a white tiger with wings? I have one, though unfortunately I left it behind in the Immortal Realm.”
Long ago, Feng Xiao had held him just like this and murmured beside his ear, “When the war is over, I will summon it back and take you riding on it. All right?”
This is... this is Feng Xiao’s spirit tiger?
Ji Chaoyun’s thoughts descended into chaos. Feng Qi suddenly spoke beside his ear. “Chaoyun, look below.”
The scene beneath them rapidly changed.
Water once again flowed through the dried riverbeds. Grass and trees broke through the soil and swiftly grew lush and verdant.
It was still the same barren mountain, yet once the external illusion was broken, Ji Chaoyun almost instantly sensed a spiritual power that felt deeply familiar.
Feng Xiao’s divine power remained here.
This place was... Mount Sumeru?
The white tiger carried the two back to where they had started. They leapt from its back, and the surroundings were now completely different.
Dense trees concealed the heavens and blocked the sun. Kingfishers called from the branches, while soft white rabbits occasionally darted through the grass beneath their feet. Insects and birds called endlessly around them and everywhere overflowed with vigorous life.
The white tiger circled Feng Qi twice, seemingly extraordinarily excited, and kept rubbing its head against his chest. Feng Qi had no choice but to resign himself to rubbing its head. “All right, all right...”
Ji Chaoyun stared blankly at everything before him.
A thought he had never once had before, a thought he had never even dared to entertain, broke through the soil of his heart.
☁︎₊˚⊹ The Author’s Jade-Slip Aside ⊹˚₊☁︎
Little Dragon: So I cried for nothing in the first half of this chapter???
I kept writing all the way to this point so you guys wouldn’t feel like I was putting you through too much angst. Sorry I’m late hhhh
I don’t know if anyone will still get hung up on this, so I’ll spoil it ahead of time here: Feng Qi = Feng Xiao. There’s no reincarnation, no past life and present life. They are literally the same person. So Little Dragon hasn’t had a change of heart. He has simply fallen in love with the same person all over again. Even though, in his heart, he believes they are two different people, even though it causes him so much pain, he still can’t control his feelings.
Back to Feng Qi and Feng Xiao. In the setting I created, nirvana is essentially returning to childhood and growing up all over again. The changes in personality are the result of differences in identity, experiences, and the environment in which he grew up, but the core of who he is does not change. Just like how Little Dragon’s personality now is somewhat different from how he used to be, yet they are still the same person.
That’s what I wanted to write about with this story. If any little cuties insist that having different personalities means they can’t be the same person, then... maybe the values and outlook of this story just aren’t quite compatible with yours. Thank you, everyone, for reading this far. Little Dragon should confirm Feng Qi’s identity within the next two chapters~
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