Chapter 86 — Want to Go Back to Nancheng
Yu Fan was rigid against the wardrobe, hardly breathing. On the sofa, the three staring up at him turned to stone too, like they were all waiting for a gust of wind to blow them into dust.
Then came the sound of Chen Jingshen opening the door to take the delivery.
Zou Kuan spoke first. “So your breakfast was behind us. Wrong door, right? Haha!”
Wang Lu’an chimed in, “Yeah. Haha! Let me check the order… Youlin Complex, 402, Mr. Chen, note says: message on arrival, do not knock, someone is sleeping…”
“Must be that pretentious guy next door typed the wrong unit!” Zou Kuan slapped his thigh. “Yu Fan’s last name is not Chen!”
“Exactly—”
“I am so sorry, Mr. Chen! I am close to the timeout so I panicked and forgot your note not to knock! Really sorry!” the delivery guy babbled through the crack.
“It is fine,” Chen Jingshen said.
Silence smothered the room again. Zhang Jianjing covered her face, wishing she could slap the life choices that led her here.
“What is this…” Wang Lu’an felt the air curdle and blurted a laugh. “So what if Yu Fan does not have a girlfriend? Hanging out with a few like-minded folks is normal! Why are you acting like Yu Fan and the study god are dating or something! Haha…”
The last brittle chuckles shrank and died as Chen Jingshen walked into the living room.
Yu Fan’s neck had a few marks, but small ones. You could pretend they were allergies or mosquito bites. But Chen Jingshen…
He was in a crew-neck T-shirt, which did nothing to hide two distinct bite marks on his neck and a scatter of red from collarbone to Adam’s apple. That kind of pattern meant one of two things: either he fought someone, or he and someone… did it. And that someone was not exactly gentle.
Shrrp. Chen Jingshen took the paper bag off Wang Lu’an’s knee and the lube from his hand, set both on the TV stand. He opened the delivery, pulled out a steaming clear bowl of rice porridge, and said to the statue leaning on the wardrobe, “Eat a little first.”
A thousand words stuck in Yu Fan’s throat and came out as one: “Chen Jingshen, F*** your uncle.”
They could not stay in this apartment. Lucky for them, Wang Lu’an had come prepared.
They were not here just to sing one song and leave. It was Ningcheng, a tourist town. Of course they had to look around.
He had even asked a friend to lend a car. The car was already downstairs and the keys in his pocket.
Problem was, Wang Lu’an had rushed here without his license. Zou Kuan’s driving was iffy and his last points had been docked. Zhang Xianjing had never learned. So the wheel went to Chen Jingshen.
Since they were in Ningcheng, Yu Fan would lead the way. Once buckled in, Chen Jingshen asked, “Where to?”
Yu Fan’s face did not move. He connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth. Seconds later the navigation’s syrupy voice chimed, “Begin route. Total distance sixteen kilometers. Estimated time forty minutes.”
In the back, two of them stared out the windows. Wang Lu’an sat in the middle with both hands planted on his knees, staring at the road like a condemned man.
It stayed quiet until the second red light, when Wang Lu’an clawed at the mood with his toes. “Can I smoke, study god?”
“Go ahead,” Chen Jingshen said.
The back windows slid down. Three lighters clicked. Smoke fogged the car.
“So what are you two now?” Zhang Xianjing could not hold it. She gritted her teeth and asked, “Back together?”
The two guys craned their necks, then jerked to gape at her last three words.
“You knew all along?” Wang Lu’an gaped. “And what do you mean back together?”
“Figure it out yourself,” she said, eyes closed, flicking ash.
“…”
Wang Lu’an could not take it anymore. He braced both hands on the front seats and stretched his head between the offenders. “You were dating before? When? Do not tell me… high school…”
“Can I say?” Chen Jingshen tilted his head toward the passenger seat.
“?”
Yu Fan stared out the window like it might save him. He was sitting weird, curled into the seat. He did not answer, just lifted a hand and gave Chen Jingshen a very international gesture.
That meant go ahead.
Chen Jingshen pressed Yu Fan’s fingers down and said, “Yes.”
“But we are broken up,” Yu Fan added coolly.
“When did we break up?” Chen Jingshen asked.
“Now.”
“I did not agree.”
“Do I need your agreement? Who do you think you are.” Yu Fan yanked his hand back. “Shut up and drive. Do not look at me.”
“………………”
Wang Lu’an slumped back, crushed, and drifted sideways until he bumped into Zou Kuan.
The words aside, the rhythm and the attitude were exactly like high school.
High school when? He had been stuck to Yu Fan like glue. How had there been no signs... hold on.
“No wonder,” Wang Lu’an muttered in a daze. “No wonder the study god ditched midterms for you. And you begged Hu Pang to let him retake—”
“That was for me!” Yu Fan whipped his head around, ambushed by the humiliation.
“I knew it…” Zou Kuan squinted. “That fight at the pool hall, I said why did you dart after the study god the second you saw him. Turns out you were coaxing your guy like Zhu Xu—”
“I would have to be out of my mind—”
“And that time I asked you both to the indoor park, you said you had a date, then came out of the theater holding each other like—”
“Artistic license!” Yu Fan stared. “We did not hold—”
“Oh f***, Lu’an, remember? At parent night Yu Fan held up a broom and swore he would marry the study god!”
“I will marry your—”
“And the end of sophomore year, when grades came out, the study god said he would get married after graduation. It matches!”
“I match your—”
“Oh!! And that movie night you carried his chair! Zhu Xu said he saw you two taking your shirts off in the science building!!!”
“I swear, you two. You played it that big? Wait. Do not tell me you were picking strawberries at school too. That is too—”
“Begin route. Total distance four kilometers. Estimated time seven minutes,” the navigation droned.
“Where to,” Chen Jingshen asked, one hand on the wheel.
“Kill and bury,” Yu Fan said.
“Just toss them in the sea,” Chen Jingshen said mildly.
“Too crowded. Hassle.”
Silence returned.
The porridge had come at two in the afternoon, breakfast only by name. Add in the mortifying scene and the drive, and it was nearly four when they arrived.
Yu Fan had taken them to Ningcheng’s most famous beach, also his most-used location for shoots.
This was the time when it was at its best. The car slipped through a span of mountains and the view cracked open into pink-blue sky. The sea at the horizon glittered as if dusted with diamonds.
A far cry from the rain and gloom the last time Chen Jingshen came.
The back-seat audience finally forgot the drama. Especially Zou Kuan, who had never seen the ocean. His eyes lit up. As soon as they parked, he bolted out with his phone.
The beach lay down a flight of stone steps. He leaned over the rail. “Holy! Lu’an, look how clear that water is. Would be a shame not to drink it. Let’s swim! They sell trunks down there!”
“Nope. I have been raising this belly for months, I am not showing it to the world. Go drink by yourself.”
“I will buy you a pair! We go back tomorrow. Last chance!”
“Save it. I have all the chances I need. And who needs your trunks... Hey, do not pull me!”
They scuffled toward the steps. Zhang Xianjing ignored them. How could men in their twenties be more childish than in high school.
She snapped the sky a few times, picked the best one, and sent it to someone in her WeChat. Only then did she notice that yesterday’s message, “Zou Kuan grew a beard and somehow got handsome,” had gone unanswered.
Hmph.
Her lip twitched. She was about to delete it when the phone buzzed.
“Ke Ting: Pretty.”
“Zhang Xianjing: Why did you not reply yesterday?! Being a big-shot lawyer now, huh?”
“Zhang Xianjing: It is better down by the water. Wait there.”
In the end Wang Lu’an got dragged into the sea. The water was icy and thrilling. Zou Kuan slapped his belly a few times for good measure. Two shirtless idiots wrestled in the surf like it was a battlefield.
Ankles in the water, Zhang Xianjing snapped left and right, pausing only to yell at them to get out of her frame.
Their brief, awkward coming-out arc was blessedly behind them. No one here was going to feel weird because of a friend’s orientation. “My bro is into guys” was quickly drowned out by “Holy sh*** this water feels amazing.”
Only the person involved lay on a lounger with a murder face, silent since they got here.
Chen Jingshen sat on the edge of his chair. He was about to speak.
“Shut up,” Yu Fan said.
Chen Jingshen dropped his eyes. He touched Yu Fan’s fingers. Yu Fan jerked away. “Touch me again and I cut them off.”
“I swear I did not mean it,” Chen Jingshen said. “I did not expect it to end up in their hands.”
That was the point?
Yu Fan drew back a leg to kick him. His phone vibrated.
“Hello, Lihai Express. Your insured parcel has arrived at our Ningcheng station. Are you home? Can we deliver it now?”
“Insured?” Yu Fan frowned. “Mine?”
“Yes, insured value two hundred fifty. You need to open and inspect before signing.”
“Wrong number. I did not buy anything insured—”
“I did,” Chen Jingshen said. “Birthday present.”
Yu Fan paused, set a delivery time, hung up, and asked, “What is it?”
“A lens.”
He had shipped expensive gear for Wang Yue before. Two hundred fifty in insurance meant…
Yu Fan shot up and tried to stand, but Chen Jingshen caught him. “Where are you going?”
“To get it.”
“No rush. We will swing by on the way back.”
He was so worried he forgot to push. He grabbed Chen Jingshen’s face with both hands. “Chen Jingshen, do you even understand lenses? You spent that much, did you get scammed?”
“No. I asked the bride to check with Wang Yue. She said it is the one you have been eyeing.”
“…”
“Why ask about my taste?” Yu Fan demanded.
“Because I am your boyfriend.”
“We broke up.”
“Then because I like you.”
“…”
They were both ridiculously good-looking, and sitting close. Passersby could not help a second look.
Yu Fan could even feel Wang Lu’an and Zou Kuan staring holes from not far away.
Before today he would have let go and kept ten paces between them. Now he found he did not care. Whatever. Stare if you want.
Maybe that nuclear social death at noon had forged him into steel.
He studied Chen Jingshen’s face, mind adrift. Chen Jingshen leaned in on that angle.
Yu Fan squeezed harder and stopped him, and suddenly understood.
Because Chen Jingshen was so open.
That cold, unconcerned face never bothered to hide. He did not care about other people’s eyes, and he never hid his liking for another man, in front of anyone or himself. He had been like this in school, and as an adult even more.
It made sense to be pulled along.
Looking into those cool, deep eyes, Yu Fan asked, “Chen Jingshen, how did you come out?”
A beat. “I did not really set out to.”
“In freshman year someone confessed. I said I have a boyfriend. At first they thought I was joking. After enough refusals, plus…” He paused. “They believed it.”
“Plus what?” Yu Fan snapped.
“I got drunk once and said your name.”
“…”
Something hot and fizzy rose in Yu Fan’s chest. He kept his face cold. “With a tolerance like that, you dare drink. Embarrassing.”
Chen Jingshen blinked.
He had not been drunk. Not even tipsy.
He had just wanted to say his name. It had been too long.
“Only that once,” he said.
Yu Fan stared at the bridge of his nose. After a long while he mumbled, “What about at home. If school knows, would it not get back to them?”
“No need to get back.”
Yu Fan blinked, then shot him a look. “Meaning?”
“I told them in senior year.”
Yu Fan’s face went blank. His hands loosened and fell.
“How did you say it?”
“I said I like you.”
“…”
If he did not already know Chen Jingshen’s family, he would think this whole closet thing had been a cakewalk.
And yet…
“Are you stupid?” Yu Fan said. “I had already dumped you and run. What are you coming out for? What are you telling them you like me for?”
Chen Jingshen smiled. “We picked it back up, did we not?”
“…”
The ache swelled again. Yu Fan lay back on the lounger, face stiff, then could not help it. “And after?”
Chen Jingshen lowered his gaze for a couple seconds and traced Yu Fan’s palm. “Nothing much. Some yelling. A few slaps. Talk of sending me overseas.”
Yu Fan’s mouth trembled. Eyes still shut tight, he gripped Chen Jingshen’s fingers hard.
“They upgraded the cameras. Found me a therapist. Tried to confiscate my phone. I ran away. Rented a place.”
Their hands locked tight, fingers laced. Chen Jingshen could feel the pulse thudding against his skin.
“The first apartment was by No. 7 High. Small, but enough. I graduated a few months later. The second was near Jiang University. I had a scholarship and a couple contest stipends. Then I rented the place we looked at online that time, the third one. The landlord needed it back soon after, so I moved back to the dorms.”
“The fourth place is now. Near the company. Good view. Big enough for two. Not fully furnished, kind of bare. Want to come stay for a few days?”
Yu Fan had been listening so hard he lost the thread. It took him a while to catch up. He opened his eyes, dazed, and met Chen Jingshen’s gaze.
Chen Jingshen squeezed his fingers.
“Yu Fan,” he said, “do you want to go back to Nancheng and take a look?”
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