Chapter 11: Xi Xingling
It really was Han Tianlin. Beside him walked the current favorite, a fresh-out-of-school print model with a lovely face, a figure to match, a sense of timing, and a gentle manner.
Men were like that. When they had a gap in the schedule, taking a woman out to stroll and eat was its own kind of relaxation.
Then a gate-crasher appeared. “Eldest Young Master!”
That familiar face and that cloying, off-putting air, who else could it be but Xi Xingling?
Every time Xi Xingling showed up, Han Tianlin’s mood soured. The boy looked far too much like Gu Xichen, a friend of his and the man his younger brother Han Yubai had feelings for.
And Gu Xichen’s poise and presence were on another level. Even if Xi Xingling polished himself for twenty more years, he might not match one of Gu Xichen’s fingers. So whenever Han Tianlin saw him, it was like staring at a knockoff, cheap and irritating all at once.
“You again?” Han Tianlin’s brows drew tight. No admirer had ever managed to grate on him like Xi Xingling. “Did I not tell you to stick with Yubai? If you are not busy serving him, why are you slinking over here to annoy me?”
Xi Xingling let the insults slide past. He smiled. “Eldest Young Master, I only came to say hello.” Running into him by chance felt like fate. Of course he would come over and show his face. “Out with a beauty today?” His gaze slid over the girl, and the sourness leaked through. “So this is your type…”
Big chest, big hips. Peak straight-man taste. Tsk.
“None of your business.” Han Tianlin was already impatient. He took the woman’s hand and headed off.
“Y-Y-Young Master…” Xi Xingling did not think. He simply chased after him with shameless persistence. “Please do not be like this. It is rare to see you…”
Han Tianlin snorted and lengthened his stride.
“Young Master, Second Young Master and I broke up.” It was the only line Xi Xingling could think of that might make Han Tianlin stop.
He guessed right. Han Tianlin halted. “Broke up?” He turned with a humorless smile and looked him up and down. Then, enunciating each word, he said, “You cheap sl*t, do you even deserve to use the word breakup? What do you think you are?”
The contempt in his eyes made Xi Xingling’s mouth tremble, but he still stared up at him with wide, longing eyes. “Young Master…”
“Listen to me. You were nothing but a dish I sent to Yubai’s bed. If he is bored and does not want you, you roll out. Do you hear me? Do not show up in front of me again. You are an eyesore.”
He turned and left.
Xi Xingling stood there stricken, watching that back grow smaller with grief and reluctant awe.
“Xingling? You okay?” Qian Xiaozhun popped out from a nearby corner where he had clearly been hiding. Patting his chest, he whispered, “So you were not lying. He really did tell you to serve Han Second Young Master. And wow is he fierce.”
No surprise from a rich heir. The aura was crushing.
“….” Xi Xingling pulled a tissue from his bag and dabbed his damp eyes. Everything spun. He felt sick with it. “Xiaozhun, what do I do?”
“Be strong.” Xiaozhun squeezed his shoulder. “You are upset because he is out with a beauty? Are you jealous?”
Xingling shook his head. “Not that. I do not mind him dating women. I am upset because he does not want me.” As for the woman… he was wildly, stupidly jealous.
…
That afternoon Xi Xingling bought his best friend a nice meal as promised, then the two friends split and went to find their men. “Bye. My boyfriend is picking me up at the XX gate. I can get there on my own. Go on home.”
“Okay. Be careful on the way.” Xingling forced a smile. He had no interest in walking Xiaozhun over to meet his boyfriend. Watching couples coo when you are heartbroken is self-harm.
When his friend was gone, he hugged himself in the cold wind.
Late autumn had settled in. The evening air bit.
He did not want to go back to the apartment, but he had nowhere else to be. After turning it over, he pulled out his phone on the street and desperately called Li Dong over and over in a last-ditch effort.
By the end he was sure he had been blocked.
He was right. The endless buzzing had pushed Li Dong past the limit, and with one decisive move he put Xingling on the blacklist. He did not believe anyone gained deep insight in less than twenty-four hours.
“Ugh…” When calling failed, Xingling began to text. “Second Young Master, please answer me, okay? It is cold and I feel awful [crying][crying].”
He stayed in the city center waiting for a reply until late into the night.
He did not know where Han Yubai lived, but he felt that staying downtown kept him closer. If he went home, he would be far away.
“Second Young Master, I am so miserable I could die. If you treat me like this I really will.”
“Please, have pity on me. I want to see you so badly [tears]. You can do whatever you want with me. Keep me like a dog at your side and I will be good. I will not interfere with whoever else you are with.”
Message after message slid in. Li Dong felt something lodge in his throat and refuse to go up or down. He could swear the ache was no less than Xingling’s.
He tossed the phone aside. He could not keep torturing his own values.
Saturday night, Xi Xingling stayed in the city center. He sat on a park bench like a monk in meditation, hair beaded with mist. Up close, he was white as paper, lips drained of color.
The dark circles were deeper than yesterday, a few shades darker.
“An entire night and still no reply…” He stared at his dead phone and, at last, dragged himself onto a bus to go home.
Back at the apartment he crashed. He dreamed only of the Han brothers. Their faces spun around him.
“Xingling, choose me or him.”
“Xingling, I love you.”
“Be with me. I will pour my life into loving you.”
The dream hit its peak with both men kneeling before him in proposal, and Dream-Xingling smiled with haughty composure. He was about to add one more little test when the work alarm shrieked him awake.
“Sh*t. It is Monday already?”
He rubbed gritty eyes, silenced the alarm, and went to wash up and eat.
He was in no mood to fuss. No face mask, no makeup. To hide how wrecked he looked, he put on clear-lens glasses and pulled on a very warm, not-very-cute beanie.
Monday.
On a scrap of paper Xi Xingling wrote: Second Young Master still has not replied today.
Tuesday.
He wrote: Second Young Master still has not taken me off the blacklist.
Wednesday.
“My God, I am going to lose it!” He howled up at the stars from his building’s roof, all nerves and no patience.
Then he really did act unhinged. He cried, ranted, and drank ice beer in the cold.
It was pathetic enough that he pitied himself.
Sitting on the floor, half out of his mind, he tried calling Li Dong again. No luck.
“Tsk, so you really do not want me.”
How could a man say he was tired of you after only two times?
Tears streaming, he dug up Han Tianlin’s number and dialed.
Sober, he never would have. He was terrified of being blocked by Han Tianlin too.
The call connected. Xingling held his breath, scared that silence would get him hung up on. He took a swig of beer for courage. “Eldest Young Master.” His tongue was thick. “I am so miserable I could die. Please… let me be free.”
There was a pause on the other end. Xingling reeled, sure the line would go dead and his number would be buried.
“You want release?” Han Tianlin said at last. “Then come.”
He did not hang up. He named a room number and told Xingling to crawl over. “I will wait an hour. Whether you come is your call.”
Xingling had waited so long just to hear that voice. He melted. “Eldest Young Master…”
He tossed the phone aside, threw on clean clothes, and wobbled to a cab bound for the city center.
A hot shower sobered him a little. The thought of seeing Han Tianlin in a moment sent him floating. If he could have flown to the man, he would have.
It was one of Han Tianlin’s usual clubs, packed with handsome men and pretty women, rich men and richer heirs. Among all that shine, Xi Xingling looked drab, a face easily lost in the crowd.
A server led him to the room number Han Tianlin had given. He pushed the door open and there he was.
Xingling’s face lit up. “Young Master?” He saw it clearly, Han Tianlin crooking a finger, calling him closer.
If he had a tail, he would have wagged it off, scampering over like a happy little mutt.
“Drink this.” Han Tianlin pointed to the glass on the table. He hated the feverish way Xingling looked at him, hated it to the point of revulsion. So he was merciless about treating Xi Xingling to an aphrodisiac. “Drink, and you will be free.”
“Big Young Master,” Xingling asked carefully, “what is it?”
“You want release, do you not? This will give it to you.” His voice was calm. “Drink it and you will be free.”
Xingling froze, hands numb. He did not know what was in the glass or what would happen if he drank it. He stood there without reaching out.
“What is wrong? You will not drink a glass I poured you? Then why are you here?” Han Tianlin’s face chilled.
“It is not that I will not. Even if it is p*ison, if you tell me to drink, I will.” Terrified of angering him, Xingling grabbed the glass to show his resolve.
“Is that so? Then drink.” Amusement flickered over Han Tianlin’s mouth.
Xingling went stupid for a beat. It was the first time he had seen Han Tianlin smile at him.
If he could see that once in this lifetime, he could die without regret.
“Okay. I will.” He clenched his jaw and tipped back the glass, draining it to the last drop. “Mm…” It tasted awful. Not all of it was alcohol.
“Eldest Young Master, I finished.”
Xi Xingling turned the transparent glass upside down to show Han Tianlian, a smile that was both foolish and l*stful spreading across his face.
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