Chapter 54 — Stallion ML Meltdown (6) | His Majesty’s Daily Kneeling on the Washboard
No one really knew how things had gone so wrong, but they had. Terribly so.
The Grand Chancellor looked down at himself. His robes were full of holes, patched here and there in every color imaginable, a tragic mix that made him look like he’d just been pulled out of a dye vat.
Xing Ge whistled approvingly.
“Not bad. Only you, my dear chancellor, could make rags look this fashionable. Truly, you’re the trendsetter of Yan’s royal couture!”
The stunning Grand Chancellor ignored his monarch’s “compliment.” Expressionless, he tugged at the ragged cloth, trying to at least cover his chest.
How had it come to this? He, Yu Ge, the dignified Grand Chancellor of Great Yan, second only to the emperor and revered by millions, why was he dressed like a beggar?
And not just any beggar, but one of those sleazy, street-corner types who flirted with girls for spare change!
Yu Ge took a deep breath, reflecting bitterly on his momentary lapse of sanity.
It all started the night of the prison break. The Butcher, upon hearing there was a woman seeking a husband, instantly trampled his dignity into dust.
At least the brute had a shred of loyalty, he’d signaled Yu Ge to run first.
The next morning, however, Xing Ge had marched in triumphantly and demanded that he, her ever-resourceful “military advisor,” come up with a plan to help that ridiculous man find a wife.
Seeing the emperor’s face all gleeful and smug, Yu Ge had nearly flipped the table on the spot.
For heaven’s sake, he had risked his life in a jailbreak, and now he was being roped into matchmaking?!
Was this something a man could endure?
Absolutely not.
So Yu Ge had smiled sweetly and agreed.
Heh.
Looking for a wife, was it?
He’d make sure to “create opportunities” for them all right.
But before he could even begin executing his perfect scheme, someone dumped a reeking outfit over his head. The smell was so foul it nearly knocked his cleanliness-obsessed self unconscious.
The culprit, glowing with enthusiasm, declared, “I’ve got it! The perfect plan! ‘Hero Saves Beauty’! You know what they say: if someone saves your life and you can’t repay them, the only way is to marry them! Brilliant, right? My dear minister, you’ll have to play the part of the smelly scoundrel this time!”
Yu Ge: “…”
Protest!
Strong protest!
“Oh wow, you agreed so quickly! I knew you were a good person!” Xing Ge sniffled dramatically, clutching his hand and handing out a “Good Guy” card.
Yu Ge: “I—@#￥%&!!!”
Xing Ge blinked innocently. “Hm? Did you just curse?”
Yu Ge: “No, Your Majesty must’ve misheard.”
And thus, the tragic scene before them was born.
Still, no matter. He had ways to sabotage this ridiculous “romance.”
A dark smile curved his lips.
The chosen time was sunset. The place, a quiet path with no one around. The female lead, Zhang Yue, happened to be returning from an errand that way.
Her silhouette appeared in the distance. Slender, graceful, every inch the demure beauty.
The Butcher’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest. A girl! A cute one! My little cabbage!
Yu Ge slanted him a side-eye filled with unreadable meaning.
“Ready—”
Director Xing, taking her first turn behind the scenes, drew a deep breath and then kicked the Grand Chancellor squarely on the rear.
“Go, Pikachu! Thunderbolt!”
Yu Ge: “!!!”
Why was he suddenly flying?!
Before he could process what was happening, he hit the ground face-first in a perfect “dog-eats-dirt” pose.
Thud!
And just like that, his suave, elegant image as a refined man was gone.
He lifted his head, only to meet the woman’s puzzled gaze.
“Strange,” she murmured. “Why does this little beggar look so familiar… wait, who was it again?”
Yu Ge silently buried his face in the dirt, rubbing it against the ground for good measure. He refused, absolutely refused, to let her recognize him in this disgraceful state.
This was all that damn emperor’s fault!
Plan One: Failure.
Later, back at the palace, His Majesty of Great Yan, usually revered as the brilliant and mighty ruler, was for the first time in history, sentenced by the Grand Chancellor to kneel on a washboard.
No dinner, either.
Xing Ge sobbed pitifully.
This man was too petty! Fine, make her kneel, but starving her too? Wasn’t that cruelty to emperors?!
Her maids looked on with heartbreak. Their poor, pitiful ruler! They wished they could take her place. But one glance at the handsome chancellor’s dark, icy face was enough to shut every mouth.
Someone finally dared to whisper, “Your Majesty, what did you do to anger the Grand Chancellor?”
He didn’t seem like the type to hold grudges.
Xing Ge, sniffling and tearful, wailed, “I just… accidentally poked him too hard! Who knew he was so delicate? He fainted right away! How is that my fault? How? How?!”
The crowd exchanged knowing looks. “Oh~~ So that’s what happened.”
Well then. That was punishable.
Their sympathetic gazes immediately turned to ‘you deserved it’.
Xing Ge: “…”
What happened to saving your emperor from suffering? How could you all just walk away like that?
Traitors! Wait until payday, no salary for you! No bonus either!
“Hmm?” Yu Ge crouched down in front of her, brushing his crimson official robes aside. His slender fingers lifted his chin elegantly. “Judging by Your Majesty’s expression, you seem… dissatisfied with my punishment?”
“I know I was wrong! Truly wrong!” Xing Ge immediately folded, trembling like a puppy. “I swear, I’ll be gentle next time. Super gentle! I’ll treat you very, very softly!”
So, please, magnanimous chancellor, forgive your emperor this once?
Her big eyes blinked earnestly, pure repentance shining in them.
Yu Ge: “…”
Why did that sound so off?
Seeing his suspicious look, Xing Ge raised her hand solemnly. “I swear to the heavens, if I ever betray you even a little, may lightning strike me down!”
“Rumble—”
No sooner had she spoken than a bolt of lightning split the clear sky. Fat raindrops began to fall like beads, drenching them both in seconds.
Xing Ge: “…”
Seriously? Couldn’t she finish one oath without divine interference?
Clearly, this lightning had a personal grudge against her!
Quickly changing tactics, she coughed and said, “Ahem! Actually, that was just a demonstration! To show you what happens when someone isn’t sincere! Now, this time, I’ll swear for real—”
“If I ever—”
“Boom!”
“Mistreat you in any way—”
“Boom!”
“D*mn it, is it not okay if I don’t make vows?”
“BOOM!”
And thus, Xing Ge was fried.
Xing Ge: deceased.
Author’s Note:
Real life has me running around like crazy again! Got abducted by aliens this time~~ Once things settle, I’ll post another chapter soon (maybe earlier if I find time). Anyway, I still love you all! Now excuse me while I go kneel on my washboard again~~ Weekly updates as usual, though the exact timing may vary~
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