001: Suddenly Becoming Human!
“I don’t want to be a human.” Sang Zhao said gloomily.
He sat in a daze on the chair inside Director Li’s office. His voice hitched. “Can you turn me back into a little kitty? I only want to be a little kitty.”
He stared at Director Li with a face full of longing.
Director Li was the head of the Action Division at the Yao Management Bureau. She had never seen someone this unwilling to be human.
She flicked out a form with sharp efficiency, all business. “Alright, orange tabby who attained cultivation, fill this out first.”
Sang Zhao scratched at the corner of the paper. He looked a little guilty, but he still declared innocently, with full confidence, “I don’t know how to write.”
Director Li paused.
She took the form back. “I’ll ask, you answer, I’ll write.”
“Name?”
“Sang Zhao.”
“Past experience?”
“I’ve been a pet cat for humans twice.”
“Any history of harming people?”
“No. I’m the kind of little kitty with excellent cat-morality. I don’t bite humans.”
They hadn’t been talking long when Sang Zhao let out a sigh, then another sigh.
He gripped the fabric of his pants on his thigh and twisted sideways, shaking a little.
His left hand went to scratch his right shoulder, his right hand went to scratch his left rib, twisting around, looking completely uncomfortable. His feet wouldn’t stay obediently on the ground.
Director Li reached out to stop him. Her expression was stern.
“What are you doing?”
Sang Zhao answered honestly. “I’m a little nervous. I need to use my back foot to scratch my head.”
Director Li: “What are you talking about?? Does that sound like something a person says?!”
She inhaled deeply. “Listen carefully, Sang Zhao. You no longer have front paws or back paws. You have hands and feet, understood?”
“You are no longer a cat. You have to learn to be human. Even if you can’t be human, you at least have to pretend to be human!”
Sang Zhao absentmindedly shook his head.
He wasn’t fluffy anymore, except for the hair on his head.
When he shook it, his hair puffed up loosely.
He still had a bright little orange tuft, hair the color of sunlight, a warm golden-orange shade. As a red-tabby orange cat, this had always been his proudest fur color.
But while Chinese garden cats could grow orange fur, humans couldn’t be born with it.
Director Li said it didn’t matter. Humans dyed their hair too.
He could pretend to be a rebellious teenager.
But orange hair wasn’t great for school life, so Director Li decided to send him straight to work.
Hearing he had to work, Sang Zhao was terrified.
His expression wrinkled miserably. “I don’t want to work. The humans I used to live with always needed to pet me for a long time after work before they could recover. Work drains people’s life energy!”
Director Li, whose energy had been drained by working overtime on Sang Zhao’s “orange cat became human” emergency: “…sure does!”
Everything that happened today was far too sudden.
Sang Zhao had been wandering the streets, ready to scam a kindhearted new owner into adopting him. A little kitty searching the internet for softhearted gods!
Then he hiccuped twice, felt dizzy, and collapsed.
When he woke up, he had been taken into custody by the Yao Management Bureau. They said he had reached full cultivation and could no longer remain a cat, so he needed to blend into human society.
But he only wanted to be a cat!!
He stared at Director Li for a while, defeated.
He was a coward. Seeing she wasn’t budging, he looked around at the Bureau’s advanced building with bulletproof glass everywhere.
Then he looked outside, at the armed guards by the checkpoint.
He immediately abandoned any thoughts of escaping.
Fine. Work it is.
Sang Zhao thought for a bit, then raised his hand, excited and nervous. “Then… can I be the director?”
Director Li: “…what would I be then?”
Sang Zhao used his catlike instincts to flatter her. “Because you look really powerful, and being a director looks impressive, so I want to be the director.”
“If I have to work anyway, can I just be the director?” He committed cat heresy.
Director Li wanted to scold him but also laugh. “No. I worked eight years at the bottom, taking in countless little yaoguai before I became director. A little kitty cannot directly become a director.”
Sang Zhao was deeply distressed.
“Then what job should I do? I can poke holes in soda crackers or dot chocolate chips on cookies.”
Director Li was speechless. “Those aren’t jobs!”
Sang Zhao froze, thinking about his dream job, then suddenly said with poetic rhythm, “I’m a little kitty, I want to fly a plane.”
Director Li took a deep breath. “You cannot fly a plane. You are not a little kitty anymore. Look at yourself. You’re a one-meter-ninety man now. Stop saying you’re a little kitty every two minutes.”
Sang Zhao grew uneasy.
He raised his hand, intending to lick the back of it, but Director Li gave him a death glare, freezing him mid-motion. He was stiff all over.
Dejected, he muttered, “Then find me a job as a kept pretty boy. The kind where someone supports me and I don’t have to clock in.”
He looked at her with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to work.”
Even humans didn’t want to work.
Seeing Director Li disapproved of the “kept pretty boy” idea, he brightened. “Or I can work at a cat café? With my excellent cat-morals, I’d definitely be the top seller.”
Director Li, fueled by years of civil-service professionalism, forced down her urge to roast him.
She pulled out three files and handed them to him.
“These three companies are cooperation units with the Bureau. All have openings. See which one you like, what direction you prefer, and we’ll arrange your placement.”
Holding the documents, Sang Zhao hesitated, then admitted honestly, “Director, not only can I not write, I also can’t really read…”
Director Li smiled even wider. “You really…”
Whatever she didn’t say, Sang Zhao assumed was praise.
Director Li took the files back and thought for a while.
Unable to read. Semi-illiterate. That made job placement complicated.
After thinking, she stood. “Come on, I’ll take you to work.”
Sang Zhao stood reluctantly.
He stalled until Director Li threatened him with her stare. He moved slowly toward her, letting out a long sigh.
“Wait, you mean real labor? With my tiny, delicate cat paws?”
Director Li stared at him. He stared back with huge pikapika eyes, dripping pity and cuteness, looking like he was born to freeload.
Director Li kept her stern face, even though she was secretly melting. Her tone softened. “No, it’s not hard labor.”
It was one of the Bureau’s carefully arranged connection-hire jobs.
Basically the kind of job where you punch a card, do odd tasks, and eat free rice. Perfect for slightly dumb little yaoguai.
She didn’t say this out loud. If she did, the cat might get cocky.
They left the Bureau, and she drove him in the government car to his new company.
On the way, the seatbelt across Sang Zhao’s chest made him uncomfortable, so he kept sticking out his tongue and fake-gagging, trying to make her unbuckle him.
Director Li didn’t blink. “Behave. I’ve caught hundreds of little yaoguai. Your petty tricks are useless on me.”
Sang Zhao tugged the seatbelt, straining his neck. “Then do you mind if I cough up a hairball in your car?”
She was horrified. “Don’t you dare!!”
He made trouble all the way until they finally arrived. Director Li parked, wiped her face, yanked him out of the car, and dragged him toward an office building.
Sang Zhao let out weak resistance. “I don’t want to work. I refuse to work. Why do I have to pretend to be human?! I don’t want to be human at all!!”
“Keep it down.” Director Li grabbed his wrist and lowered her voice to coax him. “Just go take a look. If it’s not suitable, we’ll switch.”
“Come on, as long as you go take a look, I’ll buy you roasted salmon afterwards.”
His resistance weakened.
“And the Bureau-assigned apartment. A loft on the 26th floor. Once your job is set, I’ll take you to get the key.”
She tempted him further. “Such a tall apartment. Imagine lying on the windowsill and staring at the view.”
Slowly, he stopped struggling.
He was dragged into the building.
On the top floor, he met Tang Yu.
Tang Yu was the company president, standing straight and handsome, hair cut into a wolf-tail style with a small tied tuft at the back of his neck.
Before speaking, he was already smiling slightly.
When he talked, that little tuft swayed back and forth.
Sang Zhao stared at the back of his neck.
That tuft had the exact same temptation as a cat teaser toy. He couldn’t stop looking.
While Sang Zhao treated the company president like a teaser toy, Tang Yu and Director Li conducted adult socializing.
“President Tang, sorry to trouble you again. Same situation as before…”
“Understood. Don’t worry, our company has always supported charity work.”
“Then we’ll leave it in your hands.”
“Not at all. Thank you for bringing him over.”
Tang Yu naturally noticed that Sang Zhao had been staring at him.
He didn’t mind. He smiled and beckoned. Then he took out a business card and handed it to him.
Sang Zhao accepted it and looked down. The card was gold-foiled and hollow-cut, decorated with ink-wash mountains. It looked like artwork.
He stared at the words, recognized nothing, but nodded seriously at Tang Yu.
“Mm!”
Director Li left to handle HR paperwork, leaving Sang Zhao in the meeting room eating honeydew from the guest fruit plate.
He ate one piece, then another.
When Tang Yu returned from a phone call and saw him still there, he glanced at him.
Then glanced again.
Sang Zhao was extremely pretty. His eye shape and brow line lifted upward, his facial contours firm, not thin at all, with plump cheeks that made him look tender.
His chin was a bit short, but his lips were full.
He looked like a seductive cat-type beauty, yet his eyes were clear. A striking contrast.
He looked young, good-looking, but his outfit… what was this styling?
A head of shining golden-orange hair, an egg-yolk-yellow T-shirt, loose black shorts to the knees, and white sneakers.
He didn’t look like he came to work. More like a rebellious eighteen-year-old fresh out of high school.
Tang Yu ran these thoughts through his head and didn’t dwell on them.
A connection hire was a connection hire. Whoever sent him didn’t matter.
Tang Yu was only twenty-five and not uptight. Seeing Sang Zhao there, he struck up conversation.
He noticed the little cat head printed on the bottom of Sang Zhao’s T-shirt and commented casually, “A kitty.”
Sang Zhao jolted.
He set down the honeydew and slowly turned his head, guilty, then realized belatedly that Tang Yu wasn’t referring to him.
He looked down at his shirt and tugged the hem, seeing a printed white cat.
The Bureau staff had bought him this shirt. Since he was a little kitty, they bought him one with a kitty pattern.
But Sang Zhao didn’t like it.
Between cats, none of them liked white cats. Seeing Tang Yu looking at the white cat, Sang Zhao pinched the print with disdain. “What’s there to look at? Such an ugly big white cat…”
Tang Yu asked, surprised, “You don’t like cats?”
Sang Zhao brightened. “I love cats the most!”
Tang Yu joked along. “Ah, what a coincidence. I’m a member of the Cat Cult too.”
Just casual chatter. Tang Yu grinned and teased him further. “You know the Cat Cult, right? Holy fire blazing, holy fire shining, kitty kitty, meow meow meow meow.”
“As long as you love cats, you’re not a bad person. Isn’t that right?”
Sang Zhao: Wow! He understands me!
His eyes lit up instantly.
So when Director Li returned, she found Sang Zhao clutching Tang Yu’s sleeve, clinging like crazy. “I I I want to work here!! Meow meow meow!”
Tang Yu burst out laughing and gently apologized. “Sorry, I was just joking. You don’t actually have to meow.”
Sang Zhao was delighted. “It’s okay. I love meowing. I can meow every day!”
Director Li’s temples throbbed.
“Sang Zhao!” she shouted.
But seeing how intensely interested he suddenly was, she was satisfied.
Good! If he was willing to work, then everything was on track!
If he was willing to work, he’d soon blend into human society!
Study hard. Pretend to be human well!
Everything was looking perfect. She watched with a smile as Sang Zhao took Tang Yu’s hand.
Sang Zhao blinked slowly at Tang Yu, then stepped forward, trying to get closer.
Director Li: Haha! The kitty is trying to say hello. How cute.
…Wait, how did cats say hello again?
She watched Sang Zhao grab Tang Yu’s arm and lean in. His face got closer…
Oh. Right. Cats rubbed or licked people.…
She lunged forward, grabbed his arm, yanked him back with brute force, and kept her expression natural as she told Tang Yu, “He’s just enthusiastic. Sorry.”
Tang Yu looked at Sang Zhao’s bright eyes, hesitant. “…it’s alright.”
What had he just tried to do?
Cheek-kissing wasn’t rare in greetings, but… but Sang Zhao hadn’t looked like he wanted to kiss him.
Tang Yu thought silently. It looked more like he wanted to lick something.
…What kind of person was this?!
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