Chapter 51 — Then Tonight, Can I Kiss You?
The red in Yu Fan’s ears had spread all the way to his cheeks. He half-lidded his eyes and swallowed. He had not drunk anything, yet he felt a little buzzed.
He had seen people kiss before. On TV and in movies; in the corridor at school; even Zhang Xianjing used to date a senior and would do a quick peck in front of them.
He had never found it interesting. Honestly, he did not get it. Mouth on mouth, swapping spit, what was the point?
Now he sort of understood. He did not know how it felt for other people, but kissing Chen Jingshen felt good. Comfortable.
To make it easier, Yu Fan spread his knees a bit so Chen Jingshen could lean in. All he could breathe was Chen Jingshen’s scent.
By the time they were done, whatever anger he had left had evaporated. He went boneless, lazy. “What girlfr—”
He froze for two seconds, sobered up in a snap, and corrected himself. “What… relationship?”
Chen Jingshen’s gaze dropped, calm as ever. He thought for a moment. “A romantic relationship?”
“…”
The word hit Yu Fan like a blank screen.
Romantic relationship? Who? Him and Chen Jingshen?
Just picturing it made his heart slam. Wouldn’t that be early dating? That would break school rules.
A little dazed crept onto his face. He had never thought about dating, how to do it, whether he could do it well. He was completely at sea.
The brain storm raged for a while. Yu Fan pressed his lips together a few times. “…Who said you have to define the relationship just because you kissed?”
Chen Jingshen raised a brow. “So after you kissed those girls before, you did not define a relationship with them either?”
“How could I—” Yu Fan wanted to go back in time and smack the version of himself who bragged about thirteen girlfriends. He forced his face blank and said coldly, “You are a Model Student. Early dating breaks school rules.”
“Kissing does not?”
“It does not. The rules only ban boys and girls being intimate. It does not say two boys can’t.” Yu Fan added, “I have copied them a lot.”
“…”
“In other words,” Chen said lightly, “we do not define a relationship, but we can kiss?”
Every time he said “kiss,” Yu Fan’s brain got hotter. Was this something you just said out loud?
Yu Fan looked away, muttering, “Something like that.”
Chen felt faintly like he was being strung along.
But staring at Yu Fan’s flushed face and the way he deliberately dodged his eyes, he also, inexplicably, wanted to laugh.
Only now did Yu Fan realize their position was a bit off. Almost a hug, but not quite. He was basically penned against the desk by Chen Jingshen, could not really move, and if he lifted his chin they would bump again.
A little too intimate, maybe?
He stared at the sliver of window peeking from the curtain and wondered whether to kick Chen off or just push him back. A hand took his jaw.
Chen Jingshen turned his face back and tilted in for another quiet kiss.
Just lip to lip, simple and slow, no deeper. Which somehow made Chen’s breath feel even clearer.
Yu Fan stared up at him, dumbfounded. Again? Could you at least give some warning before you kiss someone? Ever heard of respect?
He was ready to spit a string of curses, but when he met Chen’s eyes he swallowed them back down.
Chen’s lashes were lowered. His voice was flat. “If you do not want to date me, then forget it.”
“…”
It was not that he did not want to date you—
Yu Fan bit that sentence down hard.
Chen brushed Yu Fan’s lips with his knuckles. “Go grab lunch?”
“…Mm.” Yu Fan could not help darting a glance at him, then frowned. “Chen Jingshen, you did not put ointment on?”
The split on Chen’s lip from before looked redder.
“No. I was afraid you would think it tasted bitter.” Chen stepped aside. “Let’s go.”
“…”
Yu Fan walked out of the dim, cool lab building still not understanding what gave Chen the confidence he would kiss him. He even skipped ointment on purpose?
The sun burned down. Heat gathered on Yu Fan’s hair like sparks. He blurted, “Chen Jingshen.”
Chen turned his head.
Hands in his pockets, Yu Fan was back to his usual bristly self. His voice was frosty, but what he said was, “…Next time you kiss me, ask first.”
That afternoon, everyone either fanned themselves with a notebook or tugged their T-shirts back and forth to get air. The cicadas droned with Teacher Zhuang’s lecture. The mix grated on Yu Fan’s nerves.
He was slumped over his desk, doodling on scrap with one hand while the other hooked behind his neck. He could not help sneaking a glance at his desk mate.
Chen Jingshen was working through a physics competition paper during math. With no expression on, he looked especially cool. Just looking at him made Yu Fan feel a little cooler too.
Even in summer, Chen buttoned his uniform to the top. His forearms and neck were clean and neat, no trace of stickiness. His skin and lips seemed a touch cooler than other people’s. At noon, when Yu Fan had touched him, it felt pretty nice—
Chen’s pen paused. He looked up at the board, then back at him. “Did you not get it?”
“…No. I got it.” Yu Fan spun back, suddenly hot again.
After that period, he went to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water.
Cool water on his cheeks and neck. Instant relief.
Last period was self-study. In heat like this, he considered skipping for milk tea and AC.
He was still calculating when he stepped into the classroom. The moment he came through the back door, several students in the rear rows turned to look at him, all with barely hidden curiosity — except for Chen Jingshen.
Yu Fan glanced at Chen’s straight back, then frowned at one of the gawkers. “What.”
Wang Lu’an grinned like an idiot. “Nothing.”
“…”
Yu Fan headed for his seat. Before he could say anything, Chen was already up without a word, making room.
Something felt off. Yu Fan frowned and sat down.
After the holiday the grind was on again. He had barely gone to the bathroom and a new stack of papers had appeared on his desk.
He grabbed them to stuff into the drawer and his fingers brushed something thin.
Thinner than a workbook, thicker than a test. What was that?
He tugged it out. A sky-blue envelope slid free with a whiff of perfume, a slim, elegant handwriting on top he did not recognize.
“?!”
Yu Fan froze, holding the envelope. He instinctively turned to look at Chen Jingshen.
There was no mirror, so he could not see it, but his face read exactly like someone caught flirting outside.
Chen was still on his physics, profile cool, pen turning in silence.
Wang Lu’an had been waiting for him to open that drawer. He vaulted to the window by Yu Fan’s desk the moment he saw. “Quick, open it!”
Yu Fan snapped back to himself and turned his head away. “Who put this in?”
“Girl from Zuo Kuan’s class. Bold, huh? Teacher Zhuang just left and she almost dropped it,” Zhang Xianjing flicked her hair. “Study god put it back in for you.”
“…”
“Open it,” Wang urged. “Aren’t you curious what she wrote? I saw her just now — pretty girl—” He felt a glance from the front and corrected himself, “Not as pretty as Sister Jing, of course.”
Yu Fan gave the window a thin look.
“Got it, I will have Zuo take it back.” Wang grabbed the letter and headed for the next class, then paused and came back. “Wait. No, something’s off…”
“What?”
Wang peered at Yu Fan’s face. “You are not blushing this time?”
“?”
“Oh oh oh, maybe a little…”
That’s because you’re pissing me off.
“Are you going or not?” Yu Fan said. “If you are not, I will.”
“I am going.” Wang ran off with the letter.
By the time that was done, the bell for self-study rang.
Milk tea and AC were off the table. Yu Fan pulled out a math paper and bent over it for a bit.
His head was not in it. Minutes passed and he still had not digested the first problem.
He scrubbed a hand through his hair and glanced sideways.
Chen Jingshen was quietly calculating on scratch paper.
Another glance.
Chen leaned back and wrote the answer on his sheet.
And another.
Chen flipped his paper over.
At the fourth look, Yu Fan could not help it. He leaned a little his way and muttered, frowning, “Chen Jingshen, why the sour face?”
Without turning, Chen said, “I am not.”
“Not my a**.” Yu Fan said, “You are, I can tell.”
Anyone watching would think Yu Fan was picking a fight. Chen’s face looked almost exactly the same as usual.
After a moment, Chen rolled his pen, turned the tip down to the desk, and looked over. “I am not. I was just…” He trailed off. “Forget it. Nothing.”
“?”
Yu Fan jabbed his elbow into Chen’s arm. “F***ing finish your sentence.”
Chen was quiet for a beat, then timed his words for when Yu Fan was about to explode. “I was thinking,” he said mildly, “if I were a girl, you would probably be willing to define the relationship.”
“??”
Yu Fan was stunned. “What does that have to do with you being a boy or a girl?”
“You confirmed things with every girl you kissed,” Chen stated.
“I…”
Once again, Yu Fan’s own bragging left him speechless.
Chen watched him for a moment. When he still said nothing, Chen turned back to his work.
Yu Fan’s pen was spinning hot enough to smoke.
“Some students,” Zhuang Fangqin said lazily from the podium, where she was policing study hall, “if you have ADHD, stand up and bounce a few times. Stop torturing your poor pen.”
Yu Fan froze and forced the pen to stop. After a while, he leaned over again. “It has nothing to do with gender. I just… do not want to date right now. Got it?”
Chen was silent for a few seconds, then answered with a flat “Mm.”
As if he did not believe it at all.
Yu Fan: “…”
He scratched his head the entire period, unable to think of anything except confessing that his dozen ex-girlfriends were bullsh**.
The bell rang. Yu Fan was stuffing the books he needed at home into his bag when Chen spoke.
“Can I go to your place tonight?”
To do what? Homework?
Maybe because Chen looked so clean and upright, Yu Fan instinctively did not want him in that crappy neighborhood. If the neighbors saw, who knew what they would say.
He thought a second. “Forget it. Video is fine. My desk is tiny. Two guys would be crowded.”
Chen’s hands paused on his backpack. “Oh,” he said softly. “If I were a girl, maybe it would not be crowded.”
“I get it. No problem.”
“…”
Yu Fan tied his books into a tight bundle, gripped them hard, then kicked Chen’s chair leg. “Up. I need to get out.”
Chen stood to let him pass.
Yu Fan rose and stepped away, then ground out under his breath, each word clipped so only the two of them could hear, “Eight o’clock. Come over. One minute late and I will beat you.”
He had just turned to go when his T-shirt was tugged.
“Mm.” Chen lowered his eyes. “Then tonight, can I kiss you?”
“…?”
Yu Fan’s brain blanked. His face detonated. He wrestled the urge to smash his stack of books over Chen’s head and hissed, mortified and quiet, “No. Chen Jingshen, this is a F***ing classroom.”
“I know,” Chen said. “That is why I said at your place.”
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